Scared Heart?

I’ve been listening to Sue Monk Kidd’s The Mermaid Chair on CD, and one of the few things that I like about this book is one of Jessie’s memory of a conversation she once had with her daughter. As a child, her daughter Dee thought the church Mary of the Sacred Heart was really Mary of the Scared Heart. Jessie, the mom, is remembering that conversation years later and thinking about whether Mary was scared or not. After all, she thinks, “scared heart” might just as much sense as “sacred heart.”

Amanda’s having a baby. She’s my daughter-in-law, and I’m super excited about this baby. I don’t even know this little one yet, the tiny fetus that we’re referring to as Baby C, and yet I’m already thinking about him or her. Amanda saw the little one actively swimming about during her sonogram Monday, and she excitedly told me about how he or she was moving its little “nubs,” future arms and legs. Is it a boy or a girl? Will the baby be tall, short, blue-eyed, curly-haired, athletic, scientific, musically inclined, a great dancer???

While I’m excited, I can’t help but feel a twinge of anxiety from time to time. Will Amanda’s pregnancy and labor be smooth and uneventful? Will Baby C have all ten fingers and toes? While I know that it's coming to a home with parents “kind and dear,” will they know how to handle a colicky baby? One of my students missed a test today because her baby is in the hospital with a fever of 104. What if that happens to Paul and Amanda’s baby?

All of this (and more) has got me thinking more about Mary. Was she scared? She surely had reason to be. She was a child by some standards, probably no older than 16. Plus, as far as I can determine, it’s not as though she had the love and support of her parents. Elisabeth seems to be the only person she felt comfortable enough to confide in, at least at first. Eventually she had to face Joseph, her betrothed. Do you think she was scared to tell him? I do. She had had a visit from Gabriel, but so far Joseph had not. Here she is an unmarried teenager without support or encouragement, and she’s having a baby. Don’t you know the town gossipers had a heyday with that? There weren’t hospitals around either. The longer I think about this, the more I realize that indeed she may have been petrified. Yes, the angel had said, “Be not afraid,” but still….

Here's the scariest part (to me): Mary was carrying the literal Son of God, the Savior of the world. Can you even imagine such a feeling? I can’t. Amanda is carrying a child of God, and while I know there may be times when she too might feel a little fearful or anxious, she has the love and support of family and friends. She also lives in a time and place where there’s the best medical care possible. Oh, and of course there’s the fact that she’ married to Paul, a man who will surely magnify his role as a father.

Mary's Strength

Can't believe it's been over a month since I've posted anything on this blog. Actually, I began to get a little discouraged because no one except for Connie and Putz ever responded. Connie, devoted friend that she is, gently told me that it might be because the posts were hard to understand and that people didn't know what to say. She's probably right. I think I might have "overthought" them. So tonight, I'm going to post something relatively short and simple about Mary, the mother of Jesus.

After re-reading the Christmas story several times during the recent holidays, I found myself thinking of how lonely she must have been. There's no record of her talking to her parents, a friend, or Joseph (until later). She and Gabriel talked briefly, and then he too disappeared. Since he had told her about her cousin Elisabeth, Mary traveled to see her, and as we know, Elisabeth's baby John moved within her, and she knew that Mary was carrying the Savior. Still, the information is scanty. Did the two women talk? Was she afraid? Excited?

After John the Baptist was born, Mary returned to her home and had to "face the music." Joseph loved her and wanted to do the right thing, and yet....When the angel appeared to him in a dream, he knew he had been right in beleiving that his betrothed was a woman of honor. Still, the two of them had no one to talk to except each other, and although they'd both had heavenly visitations, it must have still been a bit awkward at times.

She was so young, so courageous, so full of faith. I think of the scores of women I've known of all ages, shapes, sizes, and backgrounds who've been "with child," and I can't recall even one of them who didn't share aspects of her pregnancy with others. Sometimes it was a particular discomfort or perhaps a fear, but the fact is that there was someone to talk to. Mary had no one...and wow, what a sacred secret she carried.