Lucy's Advice

I don’t have much time for a long discourse about the virtues, personalities, or trials of the women in the Bible this evening. However, I just can’t stop thinking about Sunday and some of the things that Donna shared with us, and I feel inspired to share them tonight. Always creative in her approach, she gave everyone a stocking containing a quote, a candy cane, and an edible treat. Towards the end of her lesson, she asked me to read my quote aloud, and I gladly complied. It’s one of my favorites, and I’m going to share and expound on it just a little.

“We must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain instruction, that we may all sit down in heaven together.” Lucy Mack Smith

Donna then looked around the room and asked us to tell what each of those phrases meant to us. Although I’ve read and heard that quote literally dozens of times, it still touches my heart. I wish women everywhere could feel a closeness within a sisterhood like Relief Society. I glanced around the room that day and knew for a fact that every single woman present tried in her own way to follow Lucy Smith’s advice. As various class members began describing what the phrases meant to them, I was even more grateful to be part of such a worldwide sisterhood.

Cherish one another. We hold one another in high esteem, knowing that regardless of our life circumstances, propensities, or little quirks, we’re all daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves us. Here’s an example. A couple of years ago, I went to the library one Sunday afternoon, and I saw Shawna, one of my Relief Society sisters, and one of her daughters. We chatted a few moments and parted company but not before sharing a spontaneous hug. I think it was the first time I’ve ever hugged anyone in a library before!

Watch over one another. If someone is absent, we are prompted to give her a call or send her a card. The visiting teaching program is a divinely inspired program that's designed so that every single sister will have some sort of contact each month. Whether it’s a phone call, a visit, or a card, the contact is supposed to happen on a monthly basis. We’re not perfect, so sometimes life and general busyness get in the way of our contacts. Still, we’re working on it. Me included.

Comfort one another. Comforting involves more than watching from afar. To comfort, one needs to move in a little closer. It involves putting your arms around someone and encircling her with love and care and casseroles.

Gain instruction. Instruction can come in the form of classes such as the one Donna taught Sunday, or it can be by example. In addition to learning gospel principles, I’ve learned about cake decorating, freezing vegetables, knitting, smocking, make up application, jewelry making, journaling, and hair braiding. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

That we may all sit down in heaven together. It’s going to be great!

These women are modern day Eves. Like Naomi, some have lost their husbands and/or children, and like Hannah, some are praying for a child. Like Rachel, some are beautiful and much loved by their husbands while others, like Leah, struggle to win the affection of their partners. I looked around the room Sunday and spied a couple of Dorcases who always (and I mean always) go about doing kind deeds for others. Like Hagar, some have been mistreated, and there are at least a couple who, like Lot’s wife, struggle with leaving the past behind. As I write this tonight, it occurs to me that every single woman who was present on Sunday has a good portion of Esther’s courage.

Regardless of age, bank balance, race, ethnicity, education, marital status, talents, or any other variable, we all see the need to cherish, watch over, and comfort one another. I wonder how Kitty is adjusting to her new ward. Maybe I'll give her a call tomorrow. And if I have time, maybe I'll bake some cookies for Stacy's children. There's a sympathy card I need to send too...or maybe I'll visit instead.

Special Affinities

Hearing giggles and muffled conversation, I had to go and check things out for myself. What was going on? When I walked into the room, I spied my daughter Elizabeth carefully polishing her nieces’ tiny toenails. Excited at their fuchsia colored nails, they were sitting perfectly still while Elizabeth worked her magic. Brooke and Emma both adore their aunt, but it seems to me that there’s a special bond between Elizabeth and Emma Elizabeth. Is it because of their names? No, I don’t think so. Is it because they’re both girlie girls? No, I think it’s deeper than that, something more mystifying.


One of the topics studied by social psychologists is the mysterious attraction that exists between individuals. For reasons beyond my comprehension, there’s often an affinity between two people that not even psychology can explain. Sometimes they’re related, and sometimes they’re not. My sister-in-law Becky shares no DNA with my daughter Elizabeth, and yet the two of them seem connected in a special way. My niece Sarah Beth and I are kindred spirits. It could be our love of fashion, art, and all things a little offbeat. Then there are friends, those people who waltz into our lives and somehow connect with us in a way that the other thousands of people in our community and workplace didn’t or couldn’t.

Pondering these relationships gives me a tiny bit more insight into Mary, the mother of Christ, and her cousin Elisabeth. I’ve always been perplexed about why Mary chose to go and visit Elisabeth and spend three months with her before she even told Joseph about the baby she was carrying. I don’t even know whether she told her mother before she spoke with Elisabeth. Did she not have a friend she could confide in? The scriptures are silent on the WHY. All we know for certain is that when Elisabeth saw Mary, her son John leapt within her womb, and somehow Elisabeth knew that her young cousin was also carrying a child. Not just any child, but THE CHILD.

I’m wondering if these special affinities we have for some people exist for a reason. Perhaps we’re meant to take special care of each other, to listen without judgment, and to fill in the gap(s) that no one else can .Even the most loving of mothers can’t understand everything about their children. Sometimes their temperaments are different, and sometimes they just flat out don’t have the time.

Gifts Differing

I walked into the library and met my friend Sue coming out. She was armed with some books about sewing and quilting and was super excited about a new project she's beginning. She facilitates a “sit and sew” class at church occasionally, and although I’ve never been, I think it must be fun for the people who attend. You know who I’m talking about, the ones who are talented with a needle, thread, and fabric. Not this gal. I went through a season of it, but at the moment, I have other things on my plate.

I was a little afraid that Sue was going to encourage me to come to her class, but she didn’t. Maybe she’s given up on me, or maybe she’s added so much more to her own platter that she doesn’t have time to teach the class anymore. Whatever the reason, she didn’t bring it up. Instead we talked about writing, and I think she and her husband are going to organize some ideas they have and put them in a book. We chatted about e-publishing before parting ways.

Since my encounter with Sue, I’ve been thinking about many of the women I know and their various gifts.

• Kitty can do just about anything, but right now she’s into genealogy and regularly teaches a class about finding ancestors.
• Connie, my artistic friend, can draw and take gorgeous photographs.
• So can Christi, a young friend who has her own photography business.
• Elizabeth and Kelly are middle school teachers. My hat is off to them!
• My husband’s mother and sister are two of the best cooks in the South. Me? I’d give myself between a C and a low B.
• My husband’s daughters were star athletes when they were younger, and I couldn't hit a basketball with a softball bat, much less that tiny little ball.
• My niece Katherine can open her mouth, and music comes out. It’s incredible.
• My daughter-in-law Amanda can play the piano like nobody’s business.

What I’m getting at is that it’s okay to be who we are without having to make excuses for who or what we are not. For evidence, all we have to do is look at a few of the women in the Bible. Rachel was beautiful, and although her sister Leah wasn’t, Leah gave birth to six of Jacob’s sons. Is beauty overrated? Deborah was a judge. Good for Deborah. The world needs women who are judges. It also needs women who can sing, sew, take pictures, prepare meals, play basketball, run businesses, write, dance, grow flowers, can vegetables, and teach children of the next generation.

I can’t sing or teach small children, at least not very well. I feel inadequate when I read about the virtuous woman in Proverbs who could do everything with aplomb and apparent ease. I’m not her, and neither are you, but who we are is fine.

Six Little Words

As a woman, have you ever felt that you couldn’t or didn’t do enough for other people? We’re expected to keep our homes neat and tidy, look as good as we can with what we have, bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan, raise responsible children, perform charitable works, arrange flowers, plant gardens, can and freeze garden bounty, develop our talents, support our husbands, work on our inner vessels, and smile. The latter is especially important because, as I mentioned during my lesson in Relief Society yesterday, women set the emotional tone for a home.


I feel tired and maybe a little discouraged just writing that paragraph! However, my sis told me about a book that addresses how we can deal with the myriad expectations of women, and if I can find it on Amazon, I’m going to order it today. It’s based on the five words that Christ used to shush his disciples when they complained about the wastefulness of the woman who came into the home of Simon the leper and poured expensive ointment on Christ’s head.

They murmured that the money could have been used for the poor, and He reminded them that the poor would always be with them but that He would not. I read the passage (Mark 14: 3-8) in the King James Version of Bible this morning and found that in that translation verse 8 contains six words instead of five. After He tells the disciples to leave her alone, Christ says, “She hath done what she could.” I LOVE that!

Aren’t there times when you feel that you’re doing all you can??? It sure happens to me. And just when I feel that I'm doing all I can, something else will come along that I feel I should be doing too! Or I feel that maybe people are murmuring about my meager contributions. Those six little words are going to help me a lot.

Angelina and Oprah, two name recognition women, not only have millions, but they are willing to share their wealth with others. I’ll never start a school, adopt children, or give away cars, but I can share what I have whether it’s a few dollars for someone to get her eyebrows waxed or a pair of shoes for a grandchild. I can even smile more often. How hard can that be?

What we do doesn’t have to be of huge magnitude. If we all perform small acts of service in our own little spheres, I think Christ would be happy. Here are some things that crossed my mind this morning;

• Lib is the consummate baker, and she regularly bakes her special lemon pound cakes and delivers them to people to welcome them to the community, for Sunday dinner, or for whatever reason she deems deserving of a cake.

• My sister Ann, a math teacher, regularly tutors church members and family free of charge.

• The mother of my daughter’s former obstetrician knits hats for newborns.

• Several women of my acquaintance keep a stash of all occasion cards that they send to people who might need a little encouragement.

• A talented seamstress in our ward (church) has organized a “sit and sew” group that meets on a monthly basis. From what I can glean from the description, they work on individual projects and share ideas and expertise on creations ranging from aprons to quilting. I feel sort of guilty about not participating, especially since many of the projects are created to give to others, but I don’t enjoy sewing these days. I’d rather use my talents in another area and contribute fabric to the cause.

• Then there’s a woman who baby sits for busy moms so that they can scoot out to Wal-Mart or go to class.

Later this week I’m going to Rincon, GA to take care of my daughter’s four little children while their mom is in the hospital recovering from a C-section. That way, her husband can stay in the hospital with her. Yes, I know that’s not quite as magnanimous as moving to Rincon so that I can be more available, but well, just read Mark 14:8 and give me a break.

We’re all different and should do whatever we can without feeling guilty about what we can’t do. Can you send a card? Can you find the time to just sit and listen to one of your children, a parent, or a friend? Can you pay someone a compliment? I think it was Mark Twain who said he could live for two weeks on a good compliment. How hard is that to do??

My new mantra: She hath done what she could. Think of the multiplier effect and how much more pleasant things would be if everyone did what she could.

Watch Out!

I love my little grandchildren! In fact, I dote on them so much that I’ve picked up my friend Connie’s moniker of “granddarlings” when describing them. When I’m near them, I have a tendency to overindulge them, and when I’m away from them, I fret unnecessarily about whether they’re eating enough veggies and drinking enough milk.


I know that most grandmothers feel the same love and concern for their posterity as I do, and it makes me wonder why there aren’t more of them mentioned in the Bible. I could be wrong, but I think Lois is the only one. She’s Eunice’s mother and Timothy’s grandmother. She must have been quite a woman of faith to have been so influential in his life, and Paul praises her in a letter to Timothy, “When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice.” (II Timothy 1: 5)

I’m not claiming to have Lois’s spiritual stature. I'm just saying that a recent incident reminded me of just how influential I and other grandmothers can be.

My granddaughter Olivia had her first birthday last month, and she and her parents celebrated at my house. Using my iPhone, I took several short videos, and after viewing my favorite several times, I had the conversations and movements of my three granddaughters memorized. Only then did I begin zeroing in on the voice in the background, mine. As I followed the birthday girl and her pretty cousins from room to room, I constantly gave them warnings and instructions…in a loving way, of course.

As the video begins, Olivia is walking steadily across the kitchen, and as she nears the refrigerator, her gait is a bit wobbly, and it looks as though she might lose her balance. But no, she recovers quickly and moves towards the study. As she does so, the tiny tot realizes that there’s a threshold, a raised one that she must navigate. She puts her hand on the wall to steady herself and then takes a tentative step. In the background, Grandmama says, “Watch out, watch out. Be careful, Little One.”

A moment later, she’s rushing toward the kitchen again, this time with Brooke and Emma behind her. Once they’re all in the kitchen, Emma hugs her little cousin and when she releases her, Olivia falls. Undeterred, she immediately gets up and begins that race walking speed of hers. In the background, Grandmama says, “That’s right. Just get right back up and get going again.”

She heads to the bathroom and stares in through the open door. Remembering that she had locked herself in there earlier in the afternoon, Grandmama says to Brooke and Emma, “Watch out for her. She’s already locked herself in there once.” Her cousins do as instructed and rescue Olivia who then runs toward the study again. Once there, she plops down on the floor and pulls down a cookbook to look at. Grandmama can be heard in the background making a comment about reading.

In slightly over a minute, Grandmama has given some important life lessons:

• Watch out, especially when you’re walking over a threshold from one area of your life to another.
• Be careful.
• Get back up when you fall.
• Watch after each other.
• Delve into the books.

I’m not of shooting for the “Lois Award.” I’m just trying to be a good grandmother, and that short video shows that I’m on the right track. If a grandmother can say that much in slightly over a minute, just think what she (we) could do over a child's lifetime!

What about you? Are you a grandmother who’s involved in your grandchildren’s lives? Are there lessons that you're teaching by word and deed?

New Chapter

Life has its share of ups and downs, victories and losses. One day a person can be riding high, and the next she can topple and hit rock bottom. Fame, fortune, prestige, and even family can change suddenly, leaving a person bereaved and broken…at least temporarily. That’s what happened to Naomi. I can visualize her basking in the role as matriarch and then experiencing grief so deep that many would have given up and succumbed to a lifetime of sadness. Not Naomi. Her story is one of hope and triumph.

I know several women named Ruth but only one named Naomi. I’m wondering why that is. Naomi is actually a beautiful name, and the Biblical Naomi was definitely a strong woman and a good role model for all women. For some reason she’s overshadowed by Ruth, her loyal daughter-in-law. Yet without her relationship to Naomi, it’s doubtful that Ruth would have met and married Boaz, hence becoming part of the genealogy of Christ.

As an overview of the story, Naomi’s husband and both sons had been killed, and she was left in with her two daughters-in-law, Naomi and Orpah. Knowing that the two young women probably wanted to return to their homelands now that their husbands were dead, she gave them permission to leave. Orpah left, but Naomi stayed after saying, “Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go.” (Ruth 1:16)

The two women traveled to Bethlehem, and from the scriptures it becomes evident that Naomi feels bitter and empty when she says, “I went out full, and the Lord hath brought me home empty.” (verse 31) At some point Naomi instructed Ruth to glean in the fields of Boaz, a kinsman, thus laying the groundwork for a meeting and perhaps a romantic interest. Naomi’s plan worked. Ruth and Boaz married, and she gave birth to Obed…the grandfather of King David. It’s awesome to consider how Naomi’s life went from empty to full again!

Yesterday I was thinking of a widow with one child and one grandchild, both of whom live in a distant state. Rather than feel sorry for herself because of her husband’s premature death, she has chosen to do whatever it takes to secure employment in the city where her son and his family live. Now that I’m thinking about this topic, I can think of dozens of 1st century Naomis. There are women who’ve been “let go” from positions they’ve held for years, primarily because of age. And then there are those whose husbands have left them for younger models.

If Naomi could speak to these women and others who have lost something or someone important, I think she would say, “Be of good cheer. You just don’t know the good things that wait in store for you. Another chapter of your life is about to begin, and it’s going to be grand.”

Amazing Grace

My sister went to a Bible study last week, and Hagar was the topic. You remember her, right? She was Sarah’s servant, the one Sarah “gave” to Abraham so that he/they could have a son. Once while Hagar was expecting and then later when the child was much older, Sarah told Abraham to get Hagar out of her sight. Was she jealous? Angry? I don’t know. I just know that twice the “bondswoman” was banished to the desert, and twice God called her by name and told her what to do.


To Sarah, she was a servant. Apparently (although I could be misinterpreting this), Abraham felt the same way. To God, however, she had a name and a destiny. He was very much aware of her dire circumstances when He spoke to her and told her what to do to save her own life and that of her child’s. Hagar listened.

“Don’t you get it?” my sister Ann asked. “God knew her by name, just like he knows all of us.”

I’ve been thinking of Hagar off and on all week and of how we all have names and missions. We’re not all aware of our gifts and opportunities, however. Maybe we have too much of a bondswoman’s mentality and don’t realize our divine worth. Or then maybe we just don’t listen when He speaks.

When I saw Oprah’s final show on Wednesday, I couldn’t help but think of how that lady has always listened to His voice. I wish I’d watched Oprah more often. Because of work and general “busyness," I never had the opportunity to sit and watch a single show all the way through until Wednesday. Sure, I’ve seen bits and pieces of Oprah over the years, and I’ve often pored over her magazine. And I loved her performance in The Color Purple. Her star quality shone through in Beloved too. My friend Jeanita and I even talked about going to Chicago and trying to get on her show. It never happened, and now it’s too late.

It’s not too late, however, to learn more about this remarkable woman and the gifts she has given to the world. I’m not just talking about cars and scholarships. I’m talking about wisdom, hope, and encouragement. As a friend of mine commented the other day, “Say what you will about Oprah. She’s done more than any human I’ve ever known to share love and largesse.” Martha’s right, of course. Oprah’s generosity of spirit and pocketbook are unparalleled.

As I watched her on stage Wednesday, beautiful and stylish in her pink dress and heels, I marveled at her strength, determination, and intellect. What is it that sets her apart from the rest of us? In addition to her phenomenal gifts, I think it’s also the hand of God AND her awareness of it. I loved it when she acknowledged His constant presence and guidance in her life. He’s there for all of us, even if we don’t know it...or if we know it but don’t give Him credit.

This morning I went online to read a little more about Oprah, and I saw a video clip of Stedman who surprised her at a gala the other night. He walked on stage and basically said, “It really does amaze me that I get to be around a woman who changes peoples' lives every day and who also takes her own lunch to work. I cannot, honey, believe that a colored girl from the backwoods of Mississippi has done all that you have done ... I love you for making a difference in my life."

Stedman then told her something that they both knew, that she’s done it all through God’s amazing grace. She might have some time in the desert, but Oprah, like Hagar, recognized and listened to God’s promptings. Don’t you think it would work for the rest of us? I’ll never be a star, but I know He knows my name.

Don't Look Back

Most mornings, I like to get up before dawn. That way, I can read and write to my heart’s content while the day is still fresh and uncluttered with the crazy busyness of life. Sometimes I’ll read a magazine or a novel that I’m working on for book club, but most of the time I’ll read something inspirational or informative…or both.


This morning I was leafing through a book entitled Gifts of the Spirit that I discovered at a local thrift boutique, The Red Door. By Philip Zaleski and Paul Kaufman, the book is subtitled Living the Wisdom of the Great Religious Traditions and has an overall theme of the importance of contemplation and stillness in daily life. Here’s one of my favorite sentences from the section I read this morning. “When you wake up tomorrow morning, let this be among your first thoughts: now is the time to begin….with the rest of my life before me, a path of unpredictable length and inconceivable wonder.”

Whether good, bad, or neutral, yesterday’s gone. While past events can continue to influence a person, she doesn’t have to remain trapped in the past with its demons. Nor will it do her any good to look longingly at a door that has closed. Now is the time to begin.

In Relief Society today, our teacher mentioned the story of Lot’s wife, and having heard and/or read about the misfortune that befell her when she looked back, I knew the moral of the story before Lisa told us: Don’t look back. Then one of the younger women gave me something to think about that I’d never considered before. She said she could be looking out of her kitchen window washing dishes and have a thought or memory about her past and some of the poor choices she had made and begin to feel anxious and unhappy. Don’t look back has a different but equally important meaning for her. She went on to say that she could choose to stay mired in guilt and shame or she could turn her thoughts to today. She always chooses the latter.

Is it a coincidence that I read the passage from Gifts of the Spirit just a few hours before again hearing of Lot’s wife decision? Maybe. What I most took from these two events is that no matter how many times you read a story, you can always come away with a fresh meaning, a heightened awareness of what was really going on. I’d always assumed that Lot’s wife was looking back with a bittersweet longing, and perhaps that was the case. The lesson is clear, however. Don’t look back.

Now is the time to begin the next chapter in your life, and you can’t do it if you’re a pillar of salt.

Cynthia's New Direction

Last week my cousin Cynthia told me that she was going back to school to study Christian counseling. Her nest is empty now, and this is something she feels led to do. As my brother Mike and I talked with her about it, I could immediately see that she’s passionate about this new endeavor. “There are so many women out there who are confused, abused, afraid, and depressed, and they don’t know where to turn,” she said (paraphrased).


We then began to talk a little about some of the women in the Bible who seem to reach across centuries to speak to us. Their stories are our stories. They can help us! Cynthia talked about Leah and her constant efforts to get Jacob to love her. “Maybe if I have another son, then….” No matter how many strong young sons she produced, Jacob preferred the beautiful Rachel, Leah’s sister. Not that Rachel had a smooth road either. Longing for a child, she was reminded daily of her barren condition as she saw Leah's sons. At long last, she was rewarded with Joseph and later Benjamin. Unfortunately, complications of childbirth took her life, and she didn’t have the opportunity to raise this child.

I brought up Rilpah and how she mourned for her dead sons. Esther and her courage crossed my mind; so did Vashti, her predecessor, who refused to parade before the king and his drunken friends. Cynthia mentioned Naomi and how she’s often overlooked in favor of her daughter-in-law Ruth. As Cynthia reminded us, Naomi was a woman who had lost her husband and sons and felt that her life was over, and yet….Well, read the story for yourself to learn about the direction her life took after her great losses.

I don’t know how many women there are in the Bible, and I’m disinclined to Google that tidbit of information at the moment. I do know, however, that every single one of them is there for a reason and that there is something to be learned from each story. Whether a woman is feeling angry, jealous, sad, despairing, lonely, unappreciated, afraid, unloved, overlooked, unimportant, or lost, she can find answers in the lives of the women in the scriptures.

I’m curious. Do you have a favorite story about a woman in the Bible? Why? What have you learned from her? How has this story helped you to cope with a situation?

P.S. The young women in the  picture are my beautiful daughters and nieces, and  I hope they always remember where to look for answers.

Waiting and Watching

Mothers spent a lot of time watching and waiting. An instance that comes to mind this afternoon is of an evening when I sat outside in a cold car waiting for my son Paul to come out of the warm church building so that we could go home. Well, the car wasn’t actually cold since I had the heater turned on. It was the outside that was frigid, and the longer I sat there watching him and his friends having a super time inside of the warm, lighted building, the more annoyed I became.

I had things to do! There were unwashed dishes in the sink, clothes to iron, and classes to prepare for! When in the world was he ever going to come out?! Dressed in the sweat pants I’d earlier jogged in, I didn’t feel comfortable going inside to get him, especially since I’d exchanged my Nikes for some fluffy bedroom shoes. I decided to call my mother and whine a little bit. Surely she’d commiserate with my plight. Wrong! A wise woman, she listened to my complaint and simply said, “He’s worth waiting for.” I felt as though I’d been slapped and hugged at the same time! She was absolutely right. He was well worth waiting for, and he was inside of a church building for crying out loud (a phrase she might have added).

Part of what mothers are supposed to do is watch and wait. And yet what I did is minimal when compared to the vigil of a woman I just learned about this week. Her name was Rizpah, and you can read all about her in II Samuel 21:2-14. Although she’s not a major player like some of the other Old Testament mothers, her story is certainly one worth telling.

A concubine of Saul, Rizpah had two sons named Armoni and Mephibosheth. At some point before his death, Saul had ordered the slaying of some Gibeonites, and now these people were demanding retribution. King David was anxious to appease them because he felt it would end a three-year famine. Unfortunately, the Gibeonites didn’t want money; they wanted blood, the blood of seven of Saul’s descendents. Two of these young men were the sons of Rizpah, and the other five were sons of Michal, Saul’s daughter.

David handed these seven over to the Gibeonites to be slain as human sacrifices. After the slaying, their bodies were not buried as was the custom of the day, but were left to the elements. Rizpah knew she had to take a stand not only to protect their bodies from birds and beasts but also to influence David to bury them. Bold and faithful, she basically took sackcloth, spread it on a rock, and sat there keeping watch from the beginning of barley season until nearly six months later, from April to October. Eventually, King David heard of her tenacious loyalty and buried what was left of the seven bodies. Only then did Rizpah leave the rock.

Compare Rizpah’s wait to mine. She sat on a rock and braved the elements in all sorts of weather for SIX MONTHS. What did she eat? Did friends come and visit her and offer social support? Did she bathe, change her clothes, sleep? I waited 20 minutes in the comfort of my car while I watched my very alive son enjoy his friends inside of a warm building. Rizpah’s sons were dead. I called my mother; Rizpah didn’t call anyone. The very thought of her using a cell phone is weird. As far as we know, she was totally alone.

I’m not sure what we’re supposed to get from the story, but I know it’s in the scriptures for a reason. I’m thinking that although it isn’t always easy, mothers have to take a stand. We have to watch and wait and shoo away all the vultures that might attack our children, and we need to do it by night and by day.

Rizpah loved her children with a fierce love, and her behavior showed valor and loyalty. She was a person of no power, a concubine, and yet her actions moved a king to do the right thing and bury the remains of the bodies. Not coincidentally, after the burial, the rains came.

What are some applications of this story to your life today?

One Man, One Woman

This is going to be one of those posts that brings up more questions than it answers. Maybe you can read it and provide some insight for me.

Relationships are grand, but they also have the potential for stress, misunderstanding, and heartache. The scriptures are replete with examples of parent/child relationships, friendships, and even marriages. However, the more I read and ponder the latter, the more flummoxed I become, especially about divorce, polygamy, and adultery.Have the answers ever been clear cut? What's a woman to think when studying the lives of the women in the Old Testament?

Let’s start with the wives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I don’t know what happened after Sarah died, but I know that when she and Abraham were married, he instructed her to tell two different rulers that she was his sister. While it’s true that she was his half-sister, she was also his wife, and it’s always struck me as odd that, per her husband’s instructions, she twice lived in harems, situations that assured the couple’s safety and added to their wealth. Before I forget, she told Abraham it would be okay to sleep with Hagar so that he could have an heir. As we know, he did. Was Hagar looked on as Wife #2, or was she still just Sarah’s maidservant? Was it okay to commit adultery back in the day?

Eventually, Isaac was born to Abraham and Sarah. When he grew to manhood, he married Rebekah, and from all accounts, she was beautiful, and he loved her very much. They had two sons, Esau who was his father’s favorite and Jacob who was his mother’s. Determined that Jacob receive his father’s blessing, Rebekah and Jacob hatched a scheme to deceive Isaac. The deception worked. Is Rebekah a good role model for what a loving wife should be?

Years pass, and Jacob marries Leah, not because he wants to but because he was tricked into it. His heart belonged to Rachel, Leah’s sister, and he married her too. Seems to me the household would already be full enough, but he also had relations with his wives’ servants, Zilpah and Bilhah. In fact, these women gave birth to four of the heads of the 12 tribes of Israel. So is it okay to have several wives?

I’m not getting into the David and Bathsheba story. I’ve already mentioned them in an earlier post. Instead, I’m going to bring up Abigail, David’s wife whom he met while she was married to Nathan. He didn’t meet her in the same context that he met Bathsheba, however. Abigail’s husband had been rude and dismissive with David’s army, and when Abigail heard the news, she knew she had to do something to save their hides. Unbeknownst to her husband, she took provisions to David and his men. Nathan died soon thereafter, and David sent for Abigail. Is it okay to go behind your husband’s back when you know he’s done something really stupid?

Solomon had 1,000 wives and concubines. What’s up with that? How can people gloss over that little fact when they condemn the Mormons for practicing polygamy in the early days of the church? At least the men who had more than one wife supported and protected them. I recently realized that Hannah's husband had another wife. And Esther? Well, I won't go there tonight either.

All this thinking is giving me a headache. I’ll get back to it later.Right now I'm just wondering where we got our ideas about the ideal marriage.

Living the Dream

I’ve often remarked that the combination of religion and psychology has saved my life on innumerable occasions. Okay, maybe they haven’t saved my life, but they’ve certainly made it more enjoyable and comprehensible. I’ve gained insight, latched on to hope, been courageous, and exercised faith because of something I’ve read in either the Scriptures or in some psychological publication. I’d go as far as to say that religion and psychology overlap in many instances, especially those that indicate how to live a better life.


Here’s an example. Remember the story of the ten virgins? Five of them dutifully filled their lamps with oil, and the other five did not. I don’t know whether they thought they’d do it later and were simply procrastinating or whether they didn’t really think the bridegroom was really coming that night. Or maybe they thought their "sisters" would share a little oil with them. The point is that they weren’t prepared. At one time in my life, I thought of how selfish the prepared five were, but then I realized that you can’t live on another person’s light, oil, hard word, education, or testimony. You have to fill your own lamp.

Lately, I’ve begun looking at this story in another way. God gave them and us certain talents and aptitudes, and I sincerely believe that He intends for us to develop and use them. Interestingly, discovering and developing gifts and propensities falls squarely in the camp of positive psychology, a field that emphasizes positive human values like personal growth, optimism, and well-being.

What is your passion? What activities do you enjoy doing? What skills would you improve on if only you had the time? What would you like to learn more about if time and money were not hindrances? What’s your dream job? Are you willing to do what it takes to make that dream a reality? Those are all questions within the positive psychology realm.

Could discovering potential and developing it to the max be akin to the five wise virgins? What about the other five who failed to fill their lamps with oil? Are they like the thousands and thousands of people who live lives of frustration and unfulfilled promise?

Which is Harder?

Time is short this morning since my to-do list  is rather lengthy. Yes, even on MLK day, there are things to accomplish. True, the items are walking on the beach, reading my Kindle, and joining one of my daughters for lunch, and while those activities aren't exactly the same as "barges to load and bales to lift," they’re of great importance to me. But I digress.

At church yesterday, we were discussing sacrifice, and of course several Bible stories were included as examples. Time prohibits the discussion of all of them, so I’m including three of the primary ones.
First is the story of Abraham’s willingness to kill his beloved son Isaac. Remember, he and Sarah were advanced in years when this child entered their lives. Abraham was 100! You know his heart was hurting all the way to Mount Moriah where he finally tied his son down, ready to do what God had bidden. At the last moment, an angel intervened, and Isaac's life was spared. I’ve often wondered if Sarah knew where her husband and only son were heading when they left the homestead that morning.

Then there was the story of the rich young ruler who wanted to follow Christ. He was apparently a good man who followed the commandments. However, when Christ told him that he’d have to give up everything that he owned, he couldn’t do it. Could you??? I’m not even rich, and I don’t think I could do it. I mean, everything????

And finally there’s the story of the widow’s mite. She literally gave everything she had. What faith! What trust she had to sacrifice everything for the Lord. While I’ve always admired her sacrifice, I must admit that I’ve also felt a bit uneasy with the story, primarily because I don’t think I could do it. I don’t think I could give up everything.

In two of the three stories, the principal characters were willing to sacrifice BIG TIME. In the other, the rich ruler was willing to live a life of integrity but he simply could not give up his material possessions. While we were all pondering Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice Isaac, someone brought up the question of whether it was harder for a rich person to sacrifice everything than for a poor person (like the widow). I voted yes, but several people disagreed. They felt it would be far more difficult for a poor person since she had so little to begin with.

I’m not trying to settle an argument. There are no right and wrong answers. Both stories are in the Bible, and both are given as illustrations of sacrifice and commitment. It’s been my experience that people who have fewer material possession are often more humble. They seek God’s guidance and inspiration in their daily lives and realize that without Him, they’re sunk. At the same time, many wealthy people forget the sources of their many blessings and think they did it all themselves.

Yes, the above are both overgeneralizations. I’m just wondering what you think. Is it harder for a poor person or a rich person to sacrifice all he or she has? And while we’re on the subject, is sacrificing everything what God expects or is He happy with 10 percent?

Lessons from Rebekah

Lately I’ve been pondering some of the stories about the women in the Bible. What were their personalities really like? What about their day-to-day lives and the decisions they made? The more I read, the more I wonder why some of them are even included. What are the lessons we’re supposed to learn from them?
Let’s take Rebekah, for instance. People name their daughters after her, and I’ve heard about the great love story between Isaac and her more times than I can recollect. Lately, however, I’ve been digging a little deeper, and I’m a little disturbed by some of my insights. I hope they’re amiss somehow and that maybe someone can shed a little more light on the subject.

On the plus side, Rebekah goes with Isaac’s servant to meet and marry a man she’s never met. Trusting God and His will for her life, she leaves her home in Nahor with a stranger and travels 500 miles to meet Isaac. That can’t have been much fun. Furthermore, she’s the mother of Jacob, the man who became the patriarch of the Twelve Tribes of Israel. But wait, isn’t she also the mother of Esau?

That brings me to the negative side. Not only did Rebekah connive with Jacob to take away Esau’s birthright, but in doing so, she also brought about a serious rift between brothers. Esau was so angry that he threatened to kill Jacob. In addition, in planning and executing this devious plan, Rebekah deceived her husband in a serious way. When Isaac discovered that he had inadvertently blessed Jacob instead of Esau, he was heartbroken; he couldn’t undo what had been done. Grieved at being deceived by his wife and younger son, he was also sorrowful that Esau wouldn’t receive what was rightfully his.

What are the lessons I’m supposed to learn from Rebekah? Is it okay to hoodwink your husband to get what you want for your beloved son? Speaking of sons, is it okay to play favorites? No, I don’t think so. At the same time, God told Rebekah that two nations were fighting within her womb and that the older would serve the younger. Perhaps she was remembering this promise when she planned the hoax. Perhaps she thought it was the best thing to do and that in carrying out her plan, she was simply doing her part to fulfill the prophecy.

So why is Rebekah so admired? Why are her virtues so extolled? Is it because she’s Isaac’s wife and matriarch of a dynasty? While it’s true that her story demonstrates the importance of a woman’s role in a family, there’s more to it than that. The decisions a woman makes can affect generations of her descendents.

Here’s what I think. I think Rebekah’s story remains in the Bible because, just like the rest of us, she was flawed. Families are complicated, and the relationships within them are dynamic and ever changing. Her love for Jacob and Isaac’s love for Esau could be demonstrated in homes all over the world. She and Jacob deliberately cooked up a sneaky scheme, and mothers everywhere are known to stretch the truth, withhold information, or champion the cause of one child or another. I’m not saying this is right; I’m saying it happens.

A Little Maid

I’m not good with children. Really, I’m not. I can love them and play with them and read to them, but teaching them is another story. That’s why I was a bit hesitant to substitute for one of the Primary teachers last Sunday. However, after reminding myself of the wonderful leaders and teachers who taught my three children when they were young, I agree to do it. After all, what kind of world would this be if no one volunteered to give time, energy, and guidance to the generations of the future?

That said, I’m sure glad that I said yes. Not only did I gain some insights into a fairly well-known Bible story, but I also got better acquainted with a wonderful group of children from ages 10-12. The story came from the II Kings, Chapter 5, and although I had a couple of activities and relevant stories to augment the lesson, I didn’t really need them because the children were so engaged…and engaging.

In brief, the story was about a great military leader, Namaan, who despite his victories and prestige, had a serious problem: leprosy. His wife had a “little maid” who had been captured by one of Namaan’s companies and brought back to Syria. One day she mentioned to Namaan’s wife that it would be so good if only he could meet Elisha, “the prophet in Samaria” because she was confident that Elisha could cure the leprosy. The wife apparently trusted this young maid because before you knew it, Namaan was asking the king to let him go to see Elisha. The king readily agreed, telling Namaan to go and sending him off with a letter to the king of Israel.

Elisha’s instructions to Namaan were simple, so simple in fact that Namaan was “wroth,” especially since they were delivered by a messenger and not Elisha himself. His servants prevailed upon him to do as Elisha told him to do, however, and after dipping himself in the Jordan River seven times, his leprosy was gone. He was clean, cured of the dreaded disease. Grateful, Namaan attempted to reward Elisha, but the latter refused any compensation, instead telling Namaan to “go in peace.” Gehazi, Elisha’s servant was not so scrupulous, but that’s a story for another day.

While most people probably read this story and think of Elisha and Namaan as being the prinicipal players, I keep thinking of the little maid. Not only was this young person (the children and I speculated about her age but never reached a consensus) kind enough to speak up to her mistress and tell her about Namaan, but she did so despite being captured and brought to his residence from Israel. I don’t know enough about her or about the history of the era to know whether this was “standard operating procedure,” but I do know that she was young and living away from her people. Still, she spoke up about the prophet of God, thereby saving a man’s life.

The lesson manual asked these questions that I’d never considered before Sunday: What does this tell us about this faithful Israelite girl? How can our faith help others? The children had plenty to say about the little maid and gave several examples of how they could say and do lots of different things to point people in the direction of God and His servants. What particularly touched me was how they realized that they, like the Israelite girl, could influence their parents, siblings, and maybe even teachers and other adults.

What about you? If a child can influence others by her actions (or his) what can we do?

Vashti Said No

Today I saw a young man with his jeans so low that I caught more than a glimpse of his blue anded plaid boxer shorts. I wonder if this is a new trend, having your under garments coordinate with your outer ones. Seems like I read a couple of years ago that women’s bra straps should blend or at least complement tank top colors. Gee whiz. Why not just make sure the under garments stay underneath???

All these sights have reminded me of Queen Vashti in the book of Esther. Everyone applauds Esther (and rightly so) for her courage in going before King Ahasuerus, but rarely do people have much to say about Vashti, the lady who sat on the throne before Esther came on the scene. Vashti, like Esther, risked everything she had in her communication with the king, and she paid a big price for it.

In a nutshell, there had been much merrymaking in the land for quite a while, 100 and fourscore days. After this time, Ahasuerus held yet another weeklong feast, one for the men and one for the women. From what I can glean from the scriptures, there was drinking and revelry among the men. On the 7th day, the king sent for his queen, Vashti, so that she could “shew the people and the princes her beauty.” She refused, and the king was “very wroth.”

I wasn’t there, and my only information is from the scriptures themselves and from some commentaries that I’ve read. My understanding of the events, however, is that perhaps Ahasuerus intended for Vashti to parade around in front of the drunken crowd. Rather than expose herself to leering gawkers, she said no. It would have been easier for her to go along, to be a good sport, but Vashti was courageous enough to say no. She must have known that there would be a consequence, but it didn’t matter. The scriptures tell us that anger burned in Ahasuerus, and at the prompting of his advisors, he gave her “royal estate to another.”

It might be a stretch, but I can see the application of the principles of modesty and courage in the world today. Why do people, men and women alike, bare shoulders, breasts, and midriffs for any and everyone to view? Why do young men feel the need to have their undies showing? Is it because of the need to be fashionable and to fit in? Doesn’t it take more courage to cover up and say NO to the wearing of revealing apparel than to give in to the popular trends of today?

What price will you pay to keep your throne? Will you say no to immodesty and immorality even if it costs you your popularity? Or will you go along with the world’s “look” to be accepted and popular?

Is It True?

 A friend of mine and I were discussing the previous blog about Noah’s wife, and she expressed some doubt that such an occurrence (great flood) even took place.

“Do you really believe that happened?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

“It’s really kind of farfetched. I mean, what kind of loving God would do that to all the people on the earth? And besides, they’ve never really found evidence of the ark around the mountains of Arafat.”

I told her that it didn’t matter to me whether scientists had found remnants of the ark or not. In fact, it doesn’t matter to me whether the whole story was a complete fabrication. What I do know is that it’s in the Bible and in the Quran and that we can learn some important lessons from it.

• Be obedient to the commandments of God. Treat people fairly and be a just and kindly person.

• If God tells you to do something, do it. This is true even if it seems preposterous and even if other people laugh at you. Don’t you just know that Noah’s neighbors and friends had many a guffaw at their weird neighbor who persisted in building an ark when there was no rain in sight?
• While you’re following His instructions, realize that there is plenty of preparation in planning for a rainy day. While we don’t anticipate another such divine deluge, I know that some rain will fall in everyone’s life, and we need to be prepared. Whether it’s job loss, hurricane, illness, fire, or injury, now is the day to get ready.

• Be grateful for the sunny days in your life, and even though there are storms and wind and rain, just know that they never last. Storms always pass; it’s nature’s way. When the floods recede, you might find yourself with a whole new set of circumstances, probably better ones.

• Whenever you start feeling sorry for yourself, think of how “uncomfortable” Noah’s wife must have been. I get cranky when the dishwasher needs unloading or I have to run to Wal-Mart for laundry detergent. She worked like crazy getting everything ready for the time aboard, taking care of animals, and tending to human needs like food preparation (at least I think she must have). And yet, we don’t even know her name.

So was there really a man named Noah who took his wife, sons, and their wives aboard an ark thousands of years ago? Did that same ark land on Mt. Arafat after months of floating on the rains that covered the earth? I don’t know. Neither do the scientists. Still, it’s a great story with many good lessons. Just wish Mrs. Noah had a name.

What's Her Name??

I spent a lot of time with my oldest daughter Carrie this past weekend, and we had some good conversations, especially when my daughter-in-law Amanda joined in our chats. At one point, Carrie was reminiscing about the days when her 7-year-old was a toddler suffering from acid reflux. Nothing seemed to soothe him, and on top of the demands of a crying baby, she had a big dog to take care of. The dog, Sandy, lived inside the house and was forever shedding hair and bumping into things.


At another time during the weekend, Carrie talked about what a breeze it was to pack for only one person for the weekend trip: herself. Anyone who’s ever had a family knows that taking a vacation with them can be stressful, especially when it comes to purchasing the appropriate clothes and making sure everything is laundered and packed. If the vacation involves camping, well then there’s the additional challenge of meal planning and food purchasing.

What has all of this to do with one of Eve’s sisters? Plenty! Although this woman in the Bible goes unnamed, I’ve lately begun to think a lot about her. What was Noah’s wife’s name, and how in the world did she do the planning, packing, and preparation needed for the time on the ark? It rained for 40 days, right? And then they were on the ark an additional 150 days waiting for the water to recede enough for them to leave the ship. In my wildest dreams (or nightmares), I cannot imagine such an ordeal.

For starters, what did Noah, his wife, his sons, and his sons’ wives eat for 40 days? And how did they prepare it? There were no microwaves! Would cooking over a fire be too dangerous? Did they bathe? Did Noah’s wife and daughters-in-law wash clothes? If so, how? What did the animals eat? Incidentally, I read a guesstimate that suggested as many as 45,000 animals were aboard the ark! Geez Louise! Can you imagine the stench?! When Carrie was talking about her dog Sandy, we both talked about the “dog smell.” Although he was frequently bathed, Sandy smelled like the dog he was, and as mentioned above, he shed all over the place. He didn’t have many “accidents” since he was trained, but what if he’d been living on an ark and unable to go outside for a walk?

To add to the 45,000 animals on the ship with you for months, think about what you’d do all day everyday. It’s not as though they were reading or watching television or playing with a Wii. I suspect that everyone aboard was working to take care of the animals. How did they even know night from day? I think I read that there was a window, but still….but still. For 40 days and 40 nights, it’s raining like crazy, and you can’t really see outside. Plus, it’s probably pretty smelly inside, and all you get to do is work.

Before I get too carried away with this, I’ll just say that my lifestyle is one of incredible ease compared to that of this unnamed woman who probably worked just as hard as he did  to make the whole “Noah’s Ark” experience successful. While there are millions of women who care for animals, live in areas where there are monsoons, and live lives of drudgery, I can think of nowhere in the world where they endured what Noah’s wife and her daughters-in-law did.

2000 Years and Cultures Apart

There have been times in my life when I wasn’t able to make it to church. It could have been a sick child that kept me at home, or perhaps I was ailing. Then too, there were Sundays when we were traveling, actually enroute to or from somewhere. I’d often feel a little twinge of guilt about missing church, and to assuage it, my mother would often say, “The church is not going to fall down if you miss one Sunday, Jaynie.” I knew that. What I also knew was that I’d fall down without church, not vice versa. Without the consistent drops of oil, I’d be lost. Plus, I know how easy it is to miss the second Sunday and then the third and fourth once you’ve missed one.


Recently I read a statement about the woman with the issue of blood who touched the hem of Christ’s garment. The author indicated that she didn’t come with the intention of merely looking at this man who could cause the lame to walk and the blind to see. She came to be healed, not to gawk and look. She had faith and KNEW her life would be changed. As I pondered that comment, I realized that she and I have something in common. Two thousand years and cultures apart, she and I both follow Him to be healed.

I go to church to learn and to be edified and uplifted by my fellow worshippers. I don’t go to gawk or look or show off…but to learn of Him. It happens every week. Guess I’d better get off the computer, pack the car, and head for home and church. I need some spiritual oil, and I know where to find it.

Lisa and Others

I’m a lucky gal to have so many wonderful friends who encourage, uplift, and inspire me. Most of them enlighten and teach me something every time I see them. And then some are quite entertaining and fun to be with. While they’re all different, they all have something in common: they’re good people trying hard to lead the best kind of life they can. We all slip and fall from time to time, and we all have our little weaknesses and soft spots, but when we fall, we get up, brush ourselves off, and get going. About those soft spots, well, we try not to let them get the better of us.

This post could be written about one of my friends, but tonight I have Lisa, one of my sisters-in-law, on my mind. It’s probably because I recently spent some time with her in Beaufort, NC where six of us had the opportunity to go on a sailing excursion. Becky, another sister-in-law was there too. Lisa, however, is the one who planned the trip and paid for the expedition itself. Sweet, huh? She’s like that. She wanted to do something special to celebrate my brother Mike’s 60th birthday, so the weekend was her brainchild. She even picked up the tab for dinner at the Front Street Restaurant that evening. That's her in the center of the picture above.

Here’s something I wrote about her five or six years ago that describes her to a tee.
“How fortunate we are to have Lisa in our family. My brother Mike’s wife,  Lisa, has always been stalwart and persevering in teaching Christian principles by both word and deed. Her spirit is sweet, and all within her sphere can sense her serene nature. Not only does Lisa work as a nurse at a large hospital, but she also performs all of the tasks involved in the so-called “second shift” described by sociologists. She plans and prepares healthy meals, decorates their home with taste and style, cleans and tidies their surroundings, shops wisely for bargains, takes care of everyone’s laundry, and rarely becomes ruffled.

"A good mother, Lisa has raised two responsible, mannerly sons who know of the presence of God in their lives and seek his guidance regularly. She and my brother have Sarah Beth, a young teenager who daily enters a war zone as she goes to high school, the mall, or social activities. Armed with years of her parents’ teachings and continuing immersion in church activities, she is helped in battling the adversary. My brother is blessed to have such a wife, someone who lovingly performs the duties of the virtuous woman spoken of in Proverbs.”

Proverbs 19:14
“She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children ariseu p, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.”