The Blind Side's Virtuous Woman

I keep thinking about a movie I saw Thanksgiving afternoon, The Blind Side. Starring Sandra Bullock, the movie chronicled the life of a family who “took in" a young black man and made him a part of their family. That’s actually an understatement. They loved him, taught him, took up for him, and included him in all aspects of their daily lives. Plus, they got involved in his life and nurtured and mentored him in sports and academics. In case you’re thinking that this was just another sappy, sentimental movie perfect for the holidays, think again. This movie is based on reality, and this family really exists. They live in Memphis, Tennessee. And the young black man? Well, he’s Michael Oher who plays for the Baltimore Ravens of the NFL.

What I’m leading up to is that the mother, Leigh Anne Tuohy, is like no one I’ve ever known. If anyone fits the description of the virtuous woman described in Proverbs, she does. Honestly, I know of no other woman who has willingly extended herself to that degree to another person, much less a homeless, impoverished young man from the other side of the tracks. Heck, I know women who are not even willing to make sacrifices for their own children, much less a child who is totally “different,” someone who’s a “project from the projects.” Nevertheless, Leigh Anne did. She gave him the basics of a bed, food, clothing, and then she set out to consult with his teachers, coach, and biological mother. She was “there” for him at practices and games and any other situation that a mother should be. Actually the entire family was involved, but it was the mom who was the catalyst behind everything from getting him off the rainy street to signing with Ole Miss.

So now Leigh Anne Tuohy is one of my new role models. I’m not as big hearted, generous, or influential as she is, and I suspect that you might not be either. However, there is something that each one of us can do for another person to make his or her life better, and I think that’s what our Creator expects us to do. He expects us to extend love to others at all times and in all places, but at this time of the year, it seems especially important.

So I don’t know about you, but as for me and my house, we’re committing to at least one extraordinary act of kindness every day of this special holiday season. I’ll never be Leigh Anne, and I feel totally inadequate when compared to the virtuous woman in Proverbs, and yet there’s something I can do. And there’s something you can do too. Let’s commit to it today.

Leaving Home

Some people say that the most defining moment in the Old Testament is when God tells Abram to leave his country, his kindred, and father’s house and go to a land that he will show him. Me, I don’t know. My knowledge is pretty puny about these things. What’s brought the passage to mind are a couple of young families I’ve been thinking about this past week. Today, instead of writing about women in the Bible, I’m going to write something related to some of Eve’s modern day sisters.

A week or so ago, Anita Ervin began a month of Thanksgiving notes by expressing her gratitude for her family and the life they’re currently living in Oklahoma. I remember when they left with their two young daughters and infant son. How brave they were to be moving across country so that Ben could start his new job. That was well over a year ago, and it seems that everyone is thriving.

Another example would be my oldest daughter Carrie. Married for nearly ten years, she and Rich have lived in four different places, and they currently reside in Rincon, GA. Wherever they’ve moved, Carrie has found new friends and made a nice home for her family. I’ve never heard her say, “I’m lonely,” or “I’ll never be happy in this place.” Quite the contrary, she’s adjusted well, and I think part of it is because she knew it was the best thing for the whole family. She knows that her attitude can affect both Rich and her children, and she consequently squared her shoulders and got involved in the community, especially the church and schools.

At the same time, the parents and grandparents of the above families miss them dearly. In my case, it’s only three hours away, and yet with our schedules, sometimes it might as well be three days. Last weekend I had the opportunity to spend some time with one of my brothers and his wife and one of his sons. Becky and I chatted off and on throughout the two days, and one of the things we talked about is how in biblical stories, people lived close to their families. I think what prompted this conversation was thinking about her adult sons and where they would settle. Like most moms, she wants them to stay close by, not next door but not a thousand miles away either.

Speaking of sons, mine lives in Atlanta, four hours from me and over six hours from Amanda’s family. Do I miss him? You bet I do. Sometimes I think that if I don’t see his blue eyes soon, I’ll go bonkers. Still, they’re there for a reason, and I honestly think that living there has helped them grow closer as a couple. Then there’s the graduate school thing, a puzzle piece to whatever God has in store for him.

All this got me thinking about Abraham and how he left Haran for Canaan. Does that mean that “kids” need to get out of their fathers’ houses in order to find their own way? Would we have ever heard of Abraham if he’d been recalcitrant and said NO? God might have found another to be the father of many nations, but that’s not what happened. What happened is that the family left their home of origin, and well, you know the rest of the story.

So I guess as a mother and grandmother, my job is to raise children and turn them over to God. If their paths lead to faraway Canaan, then I’ll have to accept the fact that perhaps it’s for their own growth. Is that what you read into this story too? Or am I seeing things that aren't there?

Scared Heart?

I’ve been listening to Sue Monk Kidd’s The Mermaid Chair on CD, and one of the few things that I like about this book is one of Jessie’s memory of a conversation she once had with her daughter. As a child, her daughter Dee thought the church Mary of the Sacred Heart was really Mary of the Scared Heart. Jessie, the mom, is remembering that conversation years later and thinking about whether Mary was scared or not. After all, she thinks, “scared heart” might just as much sense as “sacred heart.”

Amanda’s having a baby. She’s my daughter-in-law, and I’m super excited about this baby. I don’t even know this little one yet, the tiny fetus that we’re referring to as Baby C, and yet I’m already thinking about him or her. Amanda saw the little one actively swimming about during her sonogram Monday, and she excitedly told me about how he or she was moving its little “nubs,” future arms and legs. Is it a boy or a girl? Will the baby be tall, short, blue-eyed, curly-haired, athletic, scientific, musically inclined, a great dancer???

While I’m excited, I can’t help but feel a twinge of anxiety from time to time. Will Amanda’s pregnancy and labor be smooth and uneventful? Will Baby C have all ten fingers and toes? While I know that it's coming to a home with parents “kind and dear,” will they know how to handle a colicky baby? One of my students missed a test today because her baby is in the hospital with a fever of 104. What if that happens to Paul and Amanda’s baby?

All of this (and more) has got me thinking more about Mary. Was she scared? She surely had reason to be. She was a child by some standards, probably no older than 16. Plus, as far as I can determine, it’s not as though she had the love and support of her parents. Elisabeth seems to be the only person she felt comfortable enough to confide in, at least at first. Eventually she had to face Joseph, her betrothed. Do you think she was scared to tell him? I do. She had had a visit from Gabriel, but so far Joseph had not. Here she is an unmarried teenager without support or encouragement, and she’s having a baby. Don’t you know the town gossipers had a heyday with that? There weren’t hospitals around either. The longer I think about this, the more I realize that indeed she may have been petrified. Yes, the angel had said, “Be not afraid,” but still….

Here's the scariest part (to me): Mary was carrying the literal Son of God, the Savior of the world. Can you even imagine such a feeling? I can’t. Amanda is carrying a child of God, and while I know there may be times when she too might feel a little fearful or anxious, she has the love and support of family and friends. She also lives in a time and place where there’s the best medical care possible. Oh, and of course there’s the fact that she’ married to Paul, a man who will surely magnify his role as a father.

Sparrows and Me

Going on a road trip with girlfriends can be a wonderful experience. Don’t get me wrong. I love traveling with my husband too; it’s just that he’s not as into laughing, talking, and taking side trips. Sure, I’ve told him that it’s the journey and not the destination that counts, but he’s a guy, one who’s all about getting there. I say that with love.

So this past weekend I went to Atlanta with some work chums, and we chatted all the way there and all the way back and all times in-between. Before the weekend ended, we had pretty much solved the education and healthcare issues in America (Why don’t the powers-that-be ask us for our opinions?), expressed much consternation over the appalling lack of civility in the United States (witness Joe Wilson’s latest outburst), and shared thoughts and memories about our families.

This morning as I sit waiting for my class to complete a test on D2L, I can imagine Lisa’s grandmother telling her to wash her hair until it squeaked. I used to hear the same thing as a child. I can see Nancy’s father standing on the front porch demanding that she come in the house instead of sitting in the driveway with her sweetie. Martha says her hair is like her mother’s…as are some of her gestures. And yours truly? All this family talk dredged up lots of memories from my past. I used to go to Forest City, NC with my paternal grandparents on a frequent basis, and I can still recall sitting in the back seat of their celery green Chevy and we wound around curvy two-lane roads.

All of the family talk must have still been on my mind Sunday morning. As I sat in Sacrament meeting, the thought occurred to me that only one person in the entire meeting even knew my parents. Only Mrs. C. knew what great people they were, she with her classiness and he with his lovable eccentricities. Saddened, I couldn’t let that thought go. How could it be that people who were so instrumental and influential in my life just pass on, unknown or perhaps forgotten?

After Sacrament, I left the room for a few minutes and was chatting in the hall when Lowrance approached. “I’ve got something I want you to see,” she said. She handed me a small black and white photograph of four young women, all smiling flirtatiously at the camera. From their attire and hairstyles, I could see that it was “vintage,” and Lowrance said that the picture was snapped sometime in the 1940s. “Do you recognize anyone?” she asked. Right away, I saw my aunt Polly smiling up from the foursome, black wavy hair framing her beautiful young face. Turning to Lowrance, I asked, “Did you know my aunt? What about my parents?” It turns out that she did know them, although not that well since my parents and aunt were older than she. Still, she did know them. She had seen them often, and they live in her memory just as they do in mine.

So what’s the point of this rambling post? As I was telling my son Paul about this story yesterday, I had a flash of insight. We’re all familiar with the scripture of God having His eye upon the sparrow, right? And we know that He’s aware of each of us, and that while He might not speak to us in a big booming voice, He is mindful of our needs. It’s often through another person that He makes us aware of His presence in our lives.

Maybe I’m reading too much into this incident, but you’ll never convince me of that. I have a great heritage, and I miss my parents and grandparents…sometimes more than others. Sunday was one of those days, and Lowrance was inspired (I think) to show me a little picture, a picture that brought solace to my soul. My heart too.

Finding Balance

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Mary and Martha verses in Luke. Although there are only two of them, they’re fraught with meaning. Exactly what is the better part that Christ chastens Martha about? Okay, I know what He meant, but I don’t know how to always find the balance I need. And how does one make time for it when there are people to feed, clothes to wash, floors to sweep, and provisions to buy? I have my quiet “soul time” early in the morning, but what about other times when the Martha traits creep in?

This weekend provides an excellent case in point…or two or three of them! My husband and I bought a duplex in Myrtle Beach so that we’d have a place to retreat to when the world got “too much with us.” And we also wanted a place for family and friends to gather and have lots of fun and fellowship. Labor day weekend was to be the celebratory weekend, and my daughters, son-in-law, and four grandchildren all gathered for our first holiday together there. We had dinner guests on both Saturday and Sunday evenings, with Sunday’s repast being the family feast. My brother Mike and his family joined us for Beaufort Stew, and it was fabulous to be sitting around the table basking in each other’s company.

So anyway, pretty much all weekend I was busy, busy, busy running errands, doing laundry, cooking, and so forth. Sunday rolled around, and we all went to church together. That’s a given unless someone is sick or seriously wounded. However, Elizabeth and I left after Sacrament to make a run to Wal-Mart for some final Beaufort Stew ingredients. We didn’t feel good about it, but nevertheless, we did it. Yes, we entered a place of business and bought something on the Sabbath.

Later that afternoon while everyone else was chillin’, Elizabeth was working on lesson plans, and I was working in the kitchen, doing things in preparation for the evening’s events. My little granddaughter Brooke walked into the room and announced to us that it wasn’t right to shop on Sunday and that we were supposed to keep the Sabbath holy. Knowing that she didn’t understand the ox in the ditch principle, I let it pass.

It reminded me of days of yesteryear when my former mother-in-law would leave church early to complete dinner preparations for a houseful of hungry people. Sometimes someone might “tsk tsk” her behavior, and even then as a young person without much depth, I could well understand that if she hadn’t left early, there’d be no food. Which was the greater sin? Leaving early to do a good deed or passing judgment on someone who was doing far more good than many who stayed for all three services? I might add that on most occasions, she would also prepare an extra plate of delicious food for a shut-in widow who lived close by.

Is there a way to be Mary and Martha too? If we are too much Mary-like, who will buy groceries, prepare the food, set the table, polish the silverware, sweep the floor, and change the linens? If we are too Martha-like, then we can lose our spirituality and risk becoming materialistic, worldly, and maybe even short tempered and impatient. In the account in Luke, she appears frustrated and angry.

I’m just saying it’s hard to find the balance. I’m also saying we need to cut others some slack when they’re doing the best they can.

Jochabed & Missionary Moms

The Camden Ward now has at least three young men serving missions, two of whom are still in the MTC (Missionary Training Center). I KNOW how their mothers feel, for I too have felt that hole in my heart. It’s especially huge and gaping right after the missionary’s departure, but truly, it does heal somewhat as the days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months. There are the weekly emails, the encouraging words from friends and family, and the knowledge that your child is willing to sacrifice two years of his young life to “go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded.”

Thinking of these three young men (Zachary, Campbell, and Tony) and their mothers reminded me of several things I wrote while my son Paul was serving his mission in Mexico. With these M.O.M.s (Mothers in Missionaries) in mind, I’ve decided to copy and paste this excerpt from my book.

Exodus 2: 3-5
“And when she could not longer hide him, she took for him an ark of bulrushes, and daubed it with slime and with pitch, and put the child therein; and she laid it in the flags by the river’s brink. And his sister stood afar off to wit what would be done with him.”

Imagine Jochabed’s anxiety as she placed her infant son in a basket and placed him in the Nile. Knowing that her son Moses was meant to be murdered left her no recourse but to trust in God’s protection and care, and yet she couldn’t (or didn’t) watch as he drifted away among crocodiles with his sister Miriam watching. How hard it must have been to leave her son adrift in the river! God kept Moses safe in his basket until he was discovered and adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter, an act that would allow him to receive an education and upbringing that would make him more effective as a prophet and leader of a nation.

While mothers aren’t customarily required to send their sons away down the Nile to save their lives, at some time children drift down the rivers of life to live among crocodiles, sharks, and other dangerous creatures. As I pondered this scripture, I remembered Brother Reynolds’ words in a Sacrament meeting as he told of his prayer when his son left on his mission: “God, I’m giving you the best thing I have: my son. Please comfort him, lead him, protect him, and bring him back home safely to us.” Not only will our Heavenly Father protect our missionaries, but He will also allow them to get the sort of education that will prove invaluable in their future lives. The virtues of faith, responsibility, and service will forever be a part of their character.

Modern Day Ruth

I’ve thought about the story of Ruth and Boaz on and off for a long time. Most of the time when the book of Ruth is discussed, it’s in terms of her loyalty to Naomi, her mother-in-law. Although Naomi tells Ruth and Orpah to return to leave her and return to their lands, Ruth refuses and says, “Whither thy goest I will go.” In fact, her response to Naomi is so beautiful and loving that it’s been sung at many weddings.

But that’s not what I’m thinking about today. I’m thinking about what happened as a consequence of Ruth staying in with Naomi. Ruth gleans in the fields of Boaz, a kinsman of Naomi, and at some point she attracts his interest. Naomi instructs Ruth to lie at his feet one night, and Boaz promises to seek her as his wife. Eventually the two marry, and Ruth gives birth to Obed, the father of Jesse who is the father of David.

It blows my mind to realize that IF Ruth had not stayed with Naomi and IF she had not gleaned in the fields to find food for Naomi and her and IF she had not deliberately lain at the feet of Boaz, then the genealogy of Christ would have been different. Well, maybe so and maybe not. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and He would’ve found a way for His plan to work.

The point I’m trying to make is that Ruth, at the encouragement of Naomi, “put herself out there” so that Boaz could see her. While it’s true that Boaz noticed Ruth as she worked in his fields, it wasn’t until she lay at his feet that he began to think of her as a possible wife.

The reason this story popped into my mind today is because I know a friend who has found her Boaz over the internet. While others might scoff or sneer, this friend now is happier than she has been in years. Her friends are waiting to be found as they glean on the edges of a field, while this modern day Ruth has gone a step farther.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe my thinking is twisted. Or maybe I’m seeing more in this story than is intended. Still, I’m wondering if another element to the story of Ruth, Naomi, and Boaz has to do with being a little more assertive in the quest for love. If Ruth can lie at the feet of Boaz, then surely it's okay for her 21st century sister to use e-harmony or another online service.

Turning Them Over

I’m thinking of my old friend June today. Whenever I’d share some concern that I had about one of my children, she’d often chide me and ask, “Jayne, have you turned your children over to God?” I’d try to convince her that yes, of course I had, but she wasn’t buying it. It was almost as if I’d turned them over but somehow continued thinking that He needed my interference.

I’m not sure how I feel about this issue. I do think that God sends each mother the children she’s meant to raise, if only for a season. In the process, He trusts us to do the best we can to love, nurture, and guide them. It’s an awesome responsibility, and although it was one that I gladly accepted, I still don’t know how much and how long to stay involved. When should a mother back off and “let go and let God?”

If only things were as clear-cut as they were with Hannah. Remember her? She’s the woman who wanted a child so badly that as she fervently prayed for one, Eli saw her and mistakenly thought she was drunk. She assured him that she was completely sober and was praying that God would send her a male child. If that happened, she would willingly turn the child over to God. Eli told her to go in peace and promised Hannah that her petition would be answered. Soon thereafter, Samuel was born, and when he was still a young child, Hannah brought him to Eli and left him there.

I don’t know if she saw Samuel much after leaving him in the temple with Eli. I only know that I’m not quite as trusting, giving, or selfless as Hannah was. I think God entrusted my children to me and that He intends for me to take that trust seriously. At the same time, I’m wondering if this story of Hannah and Samuel has a latent meaning for me, for us. What do you think?

Don't Look Back!

Here it is Sunday again, and I’ve yet to blog about some thoughts I had about last week’s Relief Society. It was wonderful—informative, inspirational and well-delivered. Michelle began by asking us if we knew what the 2nd shortest verse in the Bible was, and no one did. Do you happen to know? Don’t feel too bad if you don’t because you have a lot of company. I learned from Michelle that it’s in Luke 27:32: “Remember Lot’s wife.” Interesting, huh?

The story is a familiar one. Before destroying Sodom completely, God gives Lot and his family the chance to escape the fire and brimstone and warns them not to look back. All seems well, but then Lot’s wife takes a backwards glance, and she’s forever turned into a block of salt.

I’ve thought about her off and on over the years and wondered exactly what meaning we’re supposed to take from her action and its consequence. Before going any further with this, I’m going to copy and paste something I’d written in Musings of a Missionary Mom about this situation.

“This story has always seemed crazy to me. Crazy and cruel. Crazy for her to look back after God had clearly told the family not to and cruel for God to actually turn her into a pillar of salt. But then again, Lot’s wife was human, a mere mortal just like the rest of us who don’t’ always do what God tells us to do. We try, but sometimes we slip and fall just like she did. Still, what she did seems like such a minor infraction. A backwards glance, and forever she’s a chunk of sodium.

"There’s got to be an explanation. Some scientists would have us believe that it never happened, and that in fact there are salt formations all over the area near the southern tip of the Dead Sea. Others with no plausible explanation might say that It’s a metaphorical story. Perhaps it is, and yet I prefer to believe the actual Biblical account and keep asking myself why God was so emphatic about not looking back and why he meted out such severe punishment. After all, the ramifications of that act affected her entire family. Lot had no wife; his daughters had no mother.

"I’m wondering if this story is oft-repeated not only as an indication of what God can and will do if we disobey him but also because looking back is unhealthy. How can one move forward if she’s forever looking longingly at yesterday? Some people live so much in the land of Yesterday that they can’t go forward. They become pickled like the pillars of salt somewhere between Sodom and Zoar.”

Here are some additional insights from Michelle’s lesson.
*Everyone in Sodom was evil. God who looks on the inner person knew perhaps that her heart was really in Sodom. Would Lot’s wife have tainted their new life?
*Michelle mentioned that we have a problem going forward. We want things to be the way they were ‘back when.” Things never are. Change is certain. We can realize that and look to our future and what’s in store for us or stay stuck, longing for days gone by.
*Someone brought up the fact that God turned Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt because she was disobedient. Michelle, an excellent teacher, reminded the class that we are all disobedient…and probably a lot more so than Lot’s wife. She simply turned and looked back. What are some ways that you have sinned? Do you even want to go there???

So tell me what you think about the meaning of this story. It’s a fascinating one that I feel must have significance, and I’m open to new ideas…or to a rehashing of the old ones.

Life Turns on a Dime

Life can turn on a dime, or at least that’s what I’m always spouting off to my children. But really, don’t you think there’s a lot of truth to that? Based on a seemingly little decision, a person’s whole life can change, sometimes for the better and sometimes not. What I’m thinking about this morning are three of King David’s wives: Michal, Abigail, and Bathsheba.

Caught between her father’s villainy and her husband’s safety, Michal chose in favor of the latter. Rather than turn David over to Saul who would surely have him killed, Michal helped him escape through a window into darkness and the relative safety of the night. As a consequence, her father was furious when he discovered the ruse, and if that wasn’t bad enough, she didn’t see her husband for years. When Michal and David met again, their circumstances were greatly changed, and for this morning, I’ll just note that she had slipped greatly in his affection.

Married to a brutish (my interpretation), Abigail made a decision that changed her life forever. While David and about 600 men were living in the wilderness of Paran, he sent ten men to Nabal, Abigail’s husband, to ask for food. He refused. When Abigail learned of this, she didn’t think twice about packing grain, bread, sheep, raisins, figs and sending them to the future king and his men. She followed behind and personally begged for forgiveness for Nabal’s foolishness. What a diplomat! Nabal died shortly thereafter, and it wasn’t long before David sent for Abigail who, again without hesitation, went to David and became his wife.

Bathing on a rooftop as was the custom at the time, Bathsheba was spied by David and summoned to his presence. While the other two above-mentioned women probably made more of a conscious choice, she undoubtedly went to King David because of the royal writ. Her husband was away at battle, and perhaps she imagined that the king had some information for her about Uriah. Once in David’s presence, we know what happened, and as a consequence, she became pregnant, her husband was sent to the front of the battle, and David married her. Their child died, but later she gave birth to Solomon.

My purpose wasn’t to give a Bible study lesson this morning…guess I got a little carried away. It’s just that it recently hit me that these women, just like us, made seemingly little decisions that affected the course of their lives. It makes me want to step back and think twice about my choices. What about you?

Tamar's Courage

A few months ago I was so impressed with Esther and her courage that I wrote several posts about her. I saw her as a valiant woman who was so brave that she risked her life in the fight to save her people. I’m still impressed with her, but the more I read and ponder the women of the bible, the more I realize that she wasn’t the only courageous one. Tonight I’m thinking about Tamar, Judah’s daughter-in-law, the one he conveniently forgot about and sent back to her father’s house. It was sort of a “don’t call me, I’ll call you” arrangement.

But first a little background.Her first husband, Judah’s son Er, was dead. After Er died, Judah instructed his second son, Onan, to sleep with Tamar in order to provide her with a male offspring. It seems weird to us in this day and time, but it was part of the levirate marriage agreement, sort of a security net for young widows. A child would provide Tamar with someone who would take care of her in old age. Although Onan seemed to comply, he practiced coitus interruptus. After all, if Tamar had conceived, Onan’s share of the inheritance would be reduced.

With two sons dead, Judah has only one son left, and this is where the plot thickens. He promises Tamar that when young Shelah matures, he will send for her so that Shelah can perform his brotherly duty. Time passes, and when Judah reneges on his promise, Tamar realizes that she has to do something. If not, her fate as a powerless, penniless widow seems certain.

What does she do? She takes off her widow’s weeds and goes to Timnah, a town where Judah is heading to shear sheep. Tamar disguises herself as a harlot and sits waiting for him to arrive, hoping to entice him to engage her services. Now a widower, Judah notices Tamar, and they are intimate with each other. To make this story seem even more bizarre (to me anyway), he doesn’t even recognize his daughter-in-law. While it’s true that Judah probably never saw her face, you’d think that perhaps he’d have recognized her voice when she spoke to him of the signet, bracelets, and staff that he was to leave with her.

You know how this story ends. Tamar conceives, and when Judah hears that Tamar is pregnant from playing the harlot, he sentences her to death without even seeing her. When he learns that he’s the father of her unborn children (actually two of them), he states that she is more righteous than he. Judah knows that not only has he not lived up to his end of the bargain but also that he was as guilty as Tamar when it comes to “whoredoms.”

Whether the story has a happy ending is a matter of perspective. There was no happy-ever-after marriage, and yet Judah “steps up to the plate,” and Tamar secures her rightful place in the family. She gives birth to twins, one of whom (Pharez) is an ancestor of Boaz. Tamar is in the genealogy of Christ.
To me, that’s a remarkable story, even more so when I ponder Tamar’s courage. Her choices were to stay forever in her father’s house, not free to remarry, or to take matters into her own hands. Still, it was risky. What if Judah had recognized her and punished her on the spot? What if she hadn’t conceived? What if Judah said the bracelets, signet, and staff weren’t his? Not to mention the fact that she had to be intimate with her father-in-law!

How courageous are you? How far would you go to secure your future? Would you risk everything?

Fact or Interpretation?

Here’s the quote of the day that popped up on the computer this morning, one that perfectly sums up some thoughts I had earlier in the day: “There are no facts, only interpretations.” Friedrich Nietzsche

I’ve been reading a book about flawed families in the Bible, and after reading a chapter about Dinah’s “rape” this morning, I started thinking, “Who really knows what happened?” Really, who does? Who knows whether Jacob and Leah’s daughter was raped or whether she willingly submitted to Shechem? Who knows whether she should have stayed home instead of going into the city? Who knows whether she was dressed in a provocative manner, or whether Shechem, accustomed to having his way as a princely sort of guy, just liked what he saw and “took” her?

The book I read this morning made it seem that while Dinah probably deserves our compassion, she should have stayed in the family compound where it was safe. Plus, the author makes Jacob appear uncaring, conniving, and self-centered. Perhaps he was all of those things. I don’t know. When I read The Red Tent a few years ago, I was convinced that Dinah and Shechem were madly in love with each other. Some well-meaning friends and fellow bloggers might direct me to the source: the Bible. Yet, how many times has that sacred text been interpreted and re-interpreted? How many things have been left out? How likely is it that words in good old English mean the same as those in Hebrew?

I have no answers, only questions…and a basic curiosity. I’m inclined to agree with Nietzsche that there are more interpretations than there are facts. What about you?

Eve, Rachel, or Sarah???

This is going to be a short one. Really, it is. I'm not sharp enough to go on and on with a lengthy post tonight. I simply want to say that as much as I admire the women of the Bible, I KNOW that Heavenly Father knew what He was doing when He sent me to live in this particular dispensation of time on the American continent. I like air conditioning, cars, iced lemonade, computers, and microwaves. And even though I'm not a classic feminist, I do like knowing that I don't have to go and do whatever my man tells me to do. I wouldn't have made a very good Sarah (a.k.a. Sarai) who followed Abraham all over creation and even lived in a couple of harems because her husband told her to. I wouldn't have made a very good Hagar either. I want to be #1 Wife, not a surrogate mother banished from the household. And Eve...even now people berate her for her "foolish" choice. Personally speaking, I'm glad she ate of the tree of knowledge. Otherwise she and Adam might never have left Eden and started a family: our family. I was thinking of the beautiful Rachel earlier today. Although Jacob loved her dearly, there was Leah always just ahead of her as first wife and mother of six sons. And speaking of childbearing, it's not easy in the best of situations, but in the desert without medication or official doctors...I can't even imagine it. Dont want to either.

As I think of the other women, at the moment I can't single out even one that I'd rather trade places with. How about you?

Ruth's Loyalty

I succumbed to the gentle but persistent pressure of some of my work cronies and established a facebook account last night. I’m a little overwhelmed with the maintenance and management of it, but I’m sure that sooner or later I’ll figure it out. The potential for communicating and networking is phenomenal. I learned this morning that you can play chess, scrabble, and checkers with other like-minded folks. Plus, I discovered that you can take all sorts of tests that promise to reveal interesting things about yourself.

In fact, the purpose of this post is to reveal the outcome of a short test I took on facebook last night. A “friend” had a test on her site entitled something like, “Which Woman of the Bible Are You Most Like?” Feeling experimental, I took the test. I answered the few questions honestly, and it turns out that I’m the most like Ruth. While I like Ruth and have always admired her loyalty to Naomi and her willingness to work hard, I was frankly hoping to be like…guess who? Yes, Esther. I want to be brave and valiant and fight for my people and for “the right” regardless of the consequences. I want to say fearlessly, “If I perish, I perish,” and then go on and do what needs to be done. I want to have faith that things will work out just fine. I want to always remember that I’m just like Esther, a woman who’s fulfilling her destiny in her own little sphere at “such a time as this.”

That said, Ruth sure was a phenomenal woman too. I don’t think I’d have been gutsy enough to stay in a strange land after my husband died. And then to take my mother-in-law’s advice about Boaz? Hmmm. I’m not so sure about that. But Ruth did, and she’s worthy of great respect and imitation. After all, Ruth is in the genealogy of Christ.

The real purpose of this post is so that I could get one more post in about Esther (for Connie). Oh, and if anyone reading this is a facebook regular, please take the test and let me know which woman in the Bible you’re most like.

Modern Day Leah

My sister let me borrow an interesting book entitled Flawed Families of the Bible, and although I haven’t really gotten into it yet, I’m intrigued by some of the chapter titles. For instance, Chapter Two is entitled “Leah’s Story: When Your Spouse Loves Another and You Feel Unloved and Left Out.” Most people, at least the ones reading this blog, are probably familiar with the story. Jacob marries Leah first, and although she bears him six sons and at least one daughter, apparently Jacob always loves Rachel more. The jealousies and rivalries are something I’ll tackle another day.

It must have been a bummer for Leah to try so hard to impress Jacob. Baby after baby she bore, and yet Rachel who remained childless for years continued to be # 1 in Jacob’s heart. I’ve been married twice, and although we had/have issues, none of them had to do with another woman being first in my husbands’ lives. At least I don’t think so. Why would any woman settle for the second spot? I know there are many answers to that question, but again, today is not the day to pursue that enigma.

What hit me this morning as I skimmed the chapter titles is that although I’m not second in my husband’s affections concerning another woman, I often feel in the second position in many other areas. Case in point. We’ve been invited to a wedding this weekend that it’s important for me to attend, and we’ve known about it for weeks. Something has come up, however, that precludes DH from attending with me. His mother is having a reunion with her sisters and brother at her house, and she’s asked him to fry the fish for the event. He has two other brothers, but no one has apparently thought of that. Or then again, maybe they have. To “cut him some slack,” although we’ve known about the wedding for quite some time, we were both a little sketchy on the exact date and time.

Maybe I’m doing a little therapeutic bingeing, and I might regret it in a few hours, but it occurs to me that most of the time I’m behind Mother, Daddy, brothers, sister, children, grandchildren, sports, hunting, and television. Speaking of the latter, if American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Survivor, The Biggest Loser, or any golf match in the world is on, I can hang it up…so to speak. I know the preceding list should have more punctuation, but gee whiz, there are so many of them that it looked funny when I started inserting the apostrophes.

I’m not whining, just sharing a revelation. Truthfully, I’m a person who craves a certain amount of solitude to read, write, and ponder stuff. He might even feel neglected while I’m on the computer taking care of my online classes, blogging, or writing the next great American novel. We’re actually pretty well suited to each other because we understand the importance of space.

So what am I saying? Two things. People need to make the relationship with their spouses top priority. That’s what lasts (we hope), not “American Idol.” The other thing is that this works both ways. Here I am comparing myself to Leah who was never tops with Jacob, the older sister who always paled in comparison to Rachel. HOWEVER, this works both ways in that there are thousands of men out there who feel second on the totem pole. Their partners put them behind children, careers, houses, and so forth.

Anyway, my big revelation for this morning is that there are many ways to identify with Leah besides being second to another woman. I can’t wait to read the chapter in my sister's book and see what insights lie in store.

For Connie

My friend Connie said that if I wrote one more Esther post, she’d comment on it. I’m hoping she was serious because someone needs to comment on this blog!

Yesterday an acquaintance of mine came by the office for me to sign some papers, and during our meeting, we began talking about issues unrelated to the business at hand. Nothing personal…just stuff besides the boring but important things related to the difference between conservative and moderate investments.

From our conversation, I perceived that this man had a spiritual side unknown to me until this time. Sure, DH and I had had many conversations about how much we liked and trusted him, how he was such a “good guy.” Still, I was surprised and pleased at the turn in our conversation. One of the things Mike mentioned is that he had a friend who was soon to have some pretty serious surgery. Nervous and afraid, he told Mike that he dreaded the procedure and feared what the results might be. Mike’s response was to tell his friend something like this, “Buddy, the man upstairs is still in control. You and I can fret and bite our fingernails and lose sleep, but that’s not going to change anything. He’s in charge, and no matter what happens, He’ll be with you."

Do you know where I’m going with this? Yes, another Esther post! During the Esther course, one night our presenter told us to think about the phrase, “If I perish, I perish” and to think of one of the worst, scariest things that might happen to us. When we got that image in mind, then we were to substitute Esther’s words with something like, “If __________________ , then God.” No matter what happens, He will be there. He didn’t say things would be easy or that we wouldn’t experience loss, fear, pain, heartache, or illness. He just said to trust in Him and that He’d be there.

Since this blog is about what lessons we can learn from women in the Bible, I thought Mike’s conversation with his friend fit perfectly here. Like Esther, if we perish, then we do. If the procedure reveals something scary, then we trust God…and pray.

Learning Wisdom

Seems that I’m always writing “on the fly.” Although I have tons of ideas, my time to blog is limited, thus leaving me with whatever I happen to be thinking of at the moment. Today I’m thinking that while the underlying purpose of this blog is to discuss women of the Bible and the contributions they made and the lessons we can learn from them, today I’m thinking of a different twist on this.

A couple of months or so ago, I participated in a Bible study that dealt with Esther, and I was amazed at the treasure trove of precious truths I took away from those few evenings. Now we’re studying the book of Proverbs in a study based on Beth Moore’s “Wising Up.” So far I’m enjoying it just as much as the Esther study. For instance, a couple of weeks ago, I learned that a wise woman is a former fool, exercises patience, is not easily annoyed, makes amends, and knows that God’s way is life’s ultimate way. After watching the DVD, Amanda, the facilitator, led a discussion about just how important our words are. Very powerful, our words can heal, soothe, upset, anger, inspire, separate, motivate, or instruct.

Here’s an example that I shared, one that seems just as pertinent today as it did 15 or so years ago when the situation took place. My daughter Carrie was a teenager at the time, and she was as intent on having her way and her say as I was on having mine. Around and around we’d go with our “heated discussions,” and one she said something like, “Mama, I can never win an argument with you. You’re older and know more words, so why should I even try to talk to you about things?”

While some parents might think, “Aha, it’s about time you learned that valuable lesson, Young Lady,” that’s not how I perceived this. Instantly, I saw that my constant desire to be the PARENT in charge of her every move was not working. Nor was her wish to be a fancy free teenager coming and going as she pleased. Something had to give.

About that time I read a book by Marianne Williamson that pretty much nailed our situation. She said that whenever she found herself in a position in which she knew she could win an argument, debate, or conflict of any sort, she had begun to ask herself what was more important, victory or peace. Admittedly, winning is NICE. The problem is that the victorious feeling is short-lived, and meanwhile, you might have seriously damaged your relationship with the other person.

Is that what I wanted? To win? To let my daughter know once and for all who was boss? I wanted peace, peace for both of us…for the entire family. I’m not suggesting that parents remove all restrictions and let children do whatever they want to do whenever they want to do it. I’m saying to ask yourself if there’s a way to find peace without fighting all the time, a way to find peace without always “besting” the other person. Sometimes we might have a bigger vocabulary, more experience, a higher position, or the gift of being more articulate. Is it right to use those capabilities to win?

Truthfully,I’d like to win and to have peace too, but that isn’t always possible. I count the cost and then decide, and nine times out of ten, I go for peace. Hands down. It’s a better, more satisfying feeling. Again, I’m not saying to give away the proverbial farm; I’m just saying to count the cost and “wise up.”
Can you think of a situation when you wish you’d have been a bit wise with your words?

Absolute Last Esther Post

This is it about Esther, my absolute last post…for a while at least. There’s so much to ponder in this short book, so many lessons. Although there aren’t that many people in the book, each adds a little something. Without going into detail, here are a few of the topics I’ve come up with:

Faith and putting faith into action.
Fulfilling one’s destiny.
Dangers of pride (look at what happened to Haman).
Dressing for success. Remember how Esther appeared before the king in her royal robes?
Respect for those in charge.
Fasting and praying…and the strength that can come from others who are united in these actions.
The magnitude of what one brave, committed person can do.
Knowing that things can change overnight. You just never know when you lay your head on the pillow at night what might happen by morning. Maybe the king will have insomnia.
The importance of fighting for your people; this includes your spouse, children, parents, siblings, friends, and everyone else you'd consider "your people."
The necessity of having courage. Can you just picture Esther standing before the king, perhaps shaking in her royal shoes?
The scariness of having “friends” like Haman. Just how loyal were these fair weather friends?
The importance of straight talk and tough love. Remember how Mordecai sent word to Esther reminding her that if she didn’t act, help would come from some other place but that she would not be spared.
The importance of using what you’ve been given, whether it’s looks, leadership skills, cunning, or know-how.
The underlying sense that we are all Esthers in our own spheres and that we have been born for such as time as this.

Can you think of other themes or lessons?

What's Her Name?

What’s her name? You know, the woman who was married to Job? The one who had ten children and lost them all when a wind came out of the wilderness and blew down the house in which they were eating and drinking? The one who lost everything at the same time that her well-known, “perfect and upright” husband did. The one who must’ve hurt deeply to have said, “Curse God, and die.” The one who watched as day after day her husband and his “friends” sat pondering the meaning of it all. Even his friends had names, but not her.

Job’s suffering continues and gets to the point that he says his soul is weary of life. Where is she? Even after being covered with boils and having his friends doubt his goodness, Job vows that, “till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me.” Where is she? I know a woman’s place was much different at this time and place, but still this is a woman who has given birth to seven sons and three daughters who are now dead because of a bet (?) between God and Satan. This unnamed woman must have grieved mightily.

As we know, Job’s fortune is restored twofold, and his wife has ten more children. After giving birth to twenty children, she still goes unnamed. I don’t know why this bothers me, but it does. Can anyone in Blogland offer any insight?

Don't Look Back

After reading a friend's blog about perspective today, I've been thinking a lot about the importance of moving on, of not getting stuck in the past. Our pasts can influence us, but they don't have to determine who we are and what we become. We are free to choose our destiny, and sometimes that involves being obedient or disobedient.

These thoughts, prompted by Christie's post, reminded me of something I wrote a few years ago about Lot's wife. Here it is:

Genesis 19:26
“But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.”
This story has always seemed crazy to me. Crazy and cruel. Crazy for her to look back after God had clearly told the family not to and cruel for God to actually turn her into a pillar of salt. But then again, Lot’s wife was human, a mere mortal just like the rest of us who don’t always do what God tells us to do. We try, but sometimes we slip and fall just like she did. Still, it seems such a minor infraction. A backwards glance, and forever she’s a chunk of sodium.

There’s got to be an explanation. Some scientists would have us believe that it never happened, and that in fact there are salt formations all over the area near the southern tip of the Red Sea. Others with no plausible explanation might say that it’s a metaphorical story. Perhaps it is, and yet I prefer to believe the actual Biblical account and keep asking myself why God was so emphatic about not looking back and why he meted out such severe punishment. After all, the ramifications of that act affected her entire family. Lot had no wife; his daughters had no mother.

I’m wondering if this story is oft repeated not only as an indication of what God can and will do if we disobey him but also because looking back is unhealthy. How can one move forward if she’s forever looking longingly at yesterday? Some people live so much in the land of Yesterday that they can’t go forward. They become pickled like the pillars of salt somewhere between Sodom and Zoar.

Angels Among Us

I love Relief Society. That’s no secret to anyone who knows me. This worldwide women’s group just celebrated its 167th anniversary, and in our ward we had a wonderful program and meal to commemorate its founding. The beautiful statues of angels on every table and the delicious angel hair pasta accented the evening’s theme of “Angels Among Us.”

After savoring our dessert of angel food cake (what else could it have been???), one of the leaders read parts of Jeffrey R. Holland’s recent conference address entitled “The Ministry of Angels.” Here’s one of my favorite parts: “Some of them we walk with and talk with--here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.”

Several sisters then spoke of times in their lives when angels had come along to offer support and love, often in the form of time, lunch, candy, or a listening ear. The size of the gift wasn’t as important as the offering itself. All of the stories were great and served as reminders that we can all do a little more to reach out to our sister angels…and to any and everyone who needs our help.

I must share just one story told that night. Everyone goes though trials, but it seems that many of the trials women face revolve around our families. This story involved the grandmother of toddler twin girls whose mother served in Afghanistan for 15 months. The grandmother lovingly cared for these infant babies while their mother (her daughter) served her country. It was a family affair, and the father and sons also got into the act. In doing so, they all grew to greatly love these tiny girls. As the time approached for the twins’ mother to return, the family began to reflect on this and to realize how big a part of their lives these babies had become.

During these “winding up” days, an “angel” called the grandmother and invited her to have lunch with her and two of her daughters-in-law. They took the grandmother to a nice restaurant, and one of the daughters-in-law presented a poem that she had written for her. The lunch and poem buoyed the grandmother’s spirits as the day of leave-taking approached. Alas, the day arrived, and the babies left with their mother. The grandmother was “okay” for a couple of days, and then the emptiness and quietness of the house hit her. She still feels sad sometimes, but according to her, when she reflects on the nice lunch and rereads the poem, she feels encouraged just knowing that she has angels to bolster her.

Next, we listened to a song about angels being among us as we watched a slideshow of the sisters in our ward. All of us were there (at least all who had been at church the prior Sunday to have her picture snapped by a clever RS counselor), and it was both fun and inspiring to listen to the words of the song while watching the faces of my sisters flashed upon the screen. As I looked at them, I could readily remember something that every single one had done or said to uplift me or lighten my load. Finally, we all filled out sheets with information about ourselves: what makes us smile, five random things about us, our favorite color, what makes us happiest, something we hope to accomplish this year, and so forth. The sheets were taken up and then distributed to other people there who are supposed to act in angelic ways towards the person whose sheet they have. I have someone who’s favorite color is blue. I’d say more, but I want my identity to stay secret.

You don’t have to be a member of the Relief Society of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to act like an angel to someone…or to have someone show love, compassion, and kindness to you. Do you have a story to share? Or perhaps an intention that you plan to carry out? Please share something. Then I’ll tell another story, this one about a three-generation thing.

Tonight is the last night of the Bible study on Esther, and I haven’t written anything about last week’s lesson and the insights I received. Where does the time go?

Just because I haven’t written anything, it doesn’t mean that I haven’t been pondering and trying to apply what I learned. Remember in the 8th chapter of Esther when she again goes before the king to plead with him for the life of her people? The evil Haman has been taken care of, and Mordecai is now in his place. Yet the Jewish people are still scheduled to be killed in the month of Adar. In this chapter, we see the queen falling at the king’s feet and tearfully requesting that he reverse the edict ordering the destruction of her people.

Of all the things our facilitator discussed last week, the one I remember best is the reminder to “fight the good fight.” Fight for your people, your children, your husband, your family. Be emotional. Cry. Get on your knees if necessary but FIGHT. Beth Moore, developer of the Esther study series, struck a responsive chord in many of us in the class when she said, “Fight for your marriage.”

She read a letter from a woman who was saddened by the fact that after 20 years of marriage, her husband had basically said “okay” when she told him she wanted a divorce. In her case, she really didn’t want a divorce so much as she wanted him to fight for her, for them. After reading the letter to the class, Beth Moore went on say that women want men who will fight for them, who will die for them if necessary. She then said “Fight for your marriage, fight for your family” several times with such sincerity and power that I think all of us were motivated to work much, much harder on our relationships, especially the marriage one. I actually went home and said, “I will fight for you. I will fight for our marriage, our partnership.” I think DH thought I’d flipped my lid because rather than respond to my vow, he asked whether I wanted to eat at Chili’s or the Huddle House.

Interestingly, this past weekend, we watched Fireproof, a movie about a couple whose marriage was unraveling. They turn things around by applying Christian principles of love, unselfishness, and sacrifice to their partnership. It was a great flick, and I couldn’t help but think of the “coincidence” of seeing it so soon after being reminded of fighting the good fight. The basic message of the movie was to never forsake your partner, whether it’s a fire fighting colleague or your spouse. Make the relationship fireproof and inviolable.

I realize that it “takes two to tango,” and yet I earnestly think (know) that in my situation I could be a bit more unselfish, a little more in tune to what he might want instead of what I want. For starters, we went to Chili’s last week, his choice.

True or False?

I have friends from all walks of life, some rich and some poor, some old and some young, some male and some female, some Christian and some agnostic. Lately, I’ve been thinking about a couple of my friends in the latter category. The stories in the Old Testament disturb them, and they’re unable to reconcile the God of the Old Testament to the one of the New Testament. How can a loving god destroy Job’s family and cover him with boils? How can He ask Isaac to sacrifice his son or allow Lot’s daughters to sleep with him after getting him drunk?

Ladies, I don’t know the answer to those questions. All I know is that all of the answers to all of life’s problems, issues, and mysteries can be found in the scriptures. As anyone knows who’s been reading this blog lately, I’m fascinated with the book of Esther. As a young friend of mine said, “Esther’s the bomb!” Yes, she certainly is. And so are you.

Any woman who reads and ponders this book will surely see parallels between Esther’s life and her own. We might not have the power to save our people on such a grand scale, but we all have “people” we can help. We can all fast and pray and get more in tune with the Spirit. We can all fight the good fight and do our best to destroy evil. We can all be assured that no matter how scary things appear, life can “turn on a dime.” In less than a week, Esther went from being a pampered recluse who hadn’t been summoned by her husband in 30 days to becoming Queen Esther with a capital Q. Because of her bravery and faith, Haman was killed, Mordecai was elevated, and the Jews were saved.

More on Esther later. For now, I just want to comment that trying to argue with God or against him is pointless. As C.S. Lewis said in Mere Christianity, “But there is a difficulty about disagreeing with God. He is the source from which all your reasoning power comes; you could not be right and He wrong anymore than a stream can rise higher than its own source. When you are arguing against Him you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all: it is like cutting off the branch you are sitting on.”

In a nutshell, it’s cuckoo to argue about the being who gave you your mind.

Not Just Yet

More on Esther, this time about her uncanny sense of timing. Have you ever wondered why Esther doesn’t just come right out and tell the king what she wants after he extends his golden scepter? Why does she dilly-dally? I mean, he’s just said that up to half the kingdom is hers, and yet she hesitates. Instead of telling Ahasuerus what she really wants, Esther asks if he and Haman will come to a banquet that she has prepared in his honor. At the banquet, the king again presses her for the request, and again she declines. Rather than tell Ahasuerus about Haman’s plot to have all of the Jews killed, she invites him and Haman to yet another banquet. Eventually, Esther exposes Haman for the wicked, self-centered, puffed-up, evil man he is WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT.

Rereading this passage reminds me of the importance of timing and the role it plays in the success or failure of the events and enterprises we undertake. There are many circumstances in which if we move too soon, our efforts might be botched. If we wait too long, then we might miss the opportunity. It’s hard to always know exactly what the right time is, and when thinking about Esther, I think she had fasting and prayer on her side.

For three days, all of the Jews in the land, including Esther herself, had fasted and prayed. I’ve heard that if you simply fast and not pray, then you’re just going hungry. I have to believe that Esther and the others had both fasted and prayed, and hence she was more receptive to the spirit. Something told her, “Not now. Wait a bit.”

More times that I can recount, my husband has asked, “What’s wrong?” I usually reply, “Nothing really,” and yet most of the time there is something very wrong. I’m peeved, annoyed, vexed, concerned, or worried about something, and yet I hesitate to tell him. Sometimes it’s because of my mood. From experience, I’ve learned that speaking about sensitive matters when angry can actually escalate the problem. Other times, it might be his mood. If he’s sullen, then I can pick that up right away and back off for a bit. If he’s happy, I’ll wait a while also; why upset him with bad news?

And it’s not just with husbands. I used to have a supervisor who was so temperamental that all of the employees in her department quickly learned to read her face for nonverbal feedback. “Today’s not a good day,” we'd whisper to each other. Or “Hey, she’s smiling; now’s a good time to ask about your mileage check.” It didn’t take long for any new hires to learn to read her moods if they wanted to survive. And isn’t this also true with friends, children, and just about anyone with whom we associate?

What about you? Have you ever moved too soon on something? Have you ever piped up and “said your piece” only to regret it later? Are there times when you’ve been more sensitive to that little voice that says, “Not just yet”? How do you know when the time is just right and when you need to be patient?

Your Destiny

I’m pretty psyched up about the Bible study of Esther that I’ve been attending. For the past week, I’ve been thinking about how Esther’s decision to go before the king changed not only her destiny but the destiny of her people. In verses 11-16 of the 4th chapter, a major transition takes place in a woman's life that changes her life and those of others. Although she was afraid, Esther considered the words of Mordecai and realized that indeed perhaps she had “come to the kingdom for such a time as this.”

I like to picture Esther as she walks out of the women’s area into the king’s presence. At some point, she must have turned a corner and realized, perhaps trembling, that there was no turning back. She’s dressed in her royal robe, her queenly attire, and when Ahasuerus sees her standing in the court, he addresses her as Queen Esther. Queen Esther, not just plain old Esther. She’s put thought into her appearance, and her attention to detail does not go unnoticed by the king. He seems pleased to see her, extends his scepter, and asks for her request.

Esther faced the fear. Have you? Will you? Just think about it. You could very well be one brave decision away from the most important turn in your entire life path. Sometimes we have to square our shoulders, hold our heads high and march forward to see the king…or his equivalent.As the class was watching Beth Moore on DVD, I thought of my daughter Carrie and how courageous she has been at certain points in her life.

After graduating from college, she lived at home for only a short time and then moved to Georgetown BY HERSELF. She was teaching at an elementary school there, and while it made perfect sense to live in the town where she worked, it was hard for me to accept. Fear of what could happen to this young 23 year old stalked me day and night. I shuddered to think of her going home there alone after work. She didn’t even have any friends there at first, but as the weeks passed, she made friends and adjusted to her job.

After tasting independence for a season, Carrie decided it was time to find that special someone. What did she do? She moved farther away, this time to Charleston. With this move, she had a roommate, and that alleviated some of my anxiety. Still, it was a bigger area, more traffic, more crime…you get the picture. I was a nervous Nellie. I was the one who needed to take lessons from Esther, not Carrie.

I’m not sure of the timeline, but I think she’d been there less than two weeks when she met Rich, her future husband. Recently graduated from the University of Utah, he was now an officer in the Navy who had just reported to the Charleston Naval Base. They both found the Singles Ward in North Charleston and met at church. That was ten years ago. They’re now the busy parents of four active preschoolers, one a precious newborn, and it all happened because Carrie faced the fear and made one of the most important decisions in her life, one that will affect her and her progeny forever.

In the DVD portion of the Bible study, Beth Moore reminded us that no one in our lives is a greater deterrent to our destiny more than we are to ourselves. Like Esther and Carrie, you may be one important decision away from your destiny. It could be a life and death situation like Esther's, a relocation decision like Carrie's, or something as seemingly small as making a phone call, enrolling in a course, or starting a blog.

YOU are in charge of your destiny. What are some choices that you've already made that required courage? How did you do it? What were/are some of the ramifications of that decision?

Reclusive Esther

What’s so good about being a queen if you can’t even wear your crown? Put yourself in Esther's place. You can wear the crown but only in certain areas, areas that don’t count. Basically, you’re a recluse who doesn’t even get to see the king very regularly. He’s your husband, yes, but you can’t see him unless he decides that he wants to see you which evidently isn’t all that often. After all, he has plenty of other pretty ladies to keep him company and hasn’t sent for you in 30 days. And you can’t even say anything to him about his infidelities. It’s not as if you have any power, any voice. You’re so sheltered that you don’t even know there’s a plan to kill all of your people within the year.

Fast forward to 2009 in another country, a culture far different from ancient Persia...America. I’m trying to imagine First Lady Michelle Obama being kept apart from her husband, but I can't. People seem to be as interested in her as they are in him…and not just in her fashion choices but also in her ideas, philosophies, and plans. She has a voice and is recognized as an savvy, intelligent, articulate, beautiful woman. Just check out March's issue of Vogue if you don't believe me.

Can the two women be more different in their lifestyles and "queendoms?" Yet both of them were/are thrust into positions requiring decision making and courage. Michelle might fear making a misstep, saying the wrong thing at the wrong place to the wrong people, but I don't think she fears for her life. Esther feared for her own life and those of her people.

I'm going to put some more thought into Esther's very real and legitimate fears and how she was able to act despite them. I know there are more lessons in her courageous behavior than I've mentioned. For starters, have you ever decided something that changed the course of your entire life and perhaps that of your family's?

Be Brave

In last night's class on Esther, we were asked if we knew what the most frequent command in the Bible was. Not certain, I kept quiet…and so did everyone else. I thought it might be something akin to “Love one another,” but I was dead wrong. The most frequent command in the Old and New Testaments is “Don’t be afraid.” I was surprised, shocked actually. If it wasn’t about loving and serving others or bridling our tongues, then surely it was about some sin or another. But no, some version of “Fear not” is the most common instruction from Genesis through Revelations.

Beth Moore, the person who wrote the materials for the course on Esther, has also produced a series of videos that accompany the workbook. They are marvelous, and she is phenomenally inspiring. Last night she asked her audience to think of the thing(s) they were most afraid of in the world. Was it illness? Old age? Alzheimer’s? What about something happening to one of your children? Or what about your husband or sweetheart losing interest in you? What if, what if, what if????

She then walked us through this scenario. “What if my husband becomes less attracted to me? What if he finds another woman, someone prettier and smarter and younger? What if my children like her? I’ll just die, that’s what I’ll do. And I’ll weep and wail and have a hissy fit. I’ll go to bed and not get up for weeks. I’ll never get over it. Never. I’ll be sad and mad for the rest of my life. I’ll try to poison him. I’ll slit her tires. Then I’ll scream and cry some more. And then I’ll brush off my shoulders and go back to work.”

Ms. Moore then asked us to look at our workbooks and fill in the blanks of this phrase: “And if __________, then _________. “ I think just about all of us started to put “I perish” in both of the empty blanks since those were Esther’s words. However, we were told to write one of our worst fears and then “God ” in the second one.

If my husband leaves me, then God.
If something happens to one of my children, then God.
If I lose my job, then God.
If I receive a fatal diagnosis from my doctor, then God.
If I go into labor and my doctor is out of town, then God. (this one’s for Carrie)

God doesn’t promise that He won’t let “bad” things happen sometimes or that trouble will never visit you, but He does promise that HE WILL BE WITH YOU. He says, “Trust me, not trust me not to let it happen but TRUST ME.”

As I watched and listened to the video, I was spellbound. As DH can attest, I’m a worry wart, especially when it comes to my children. What if Carrie goes into labor while Rich is at work? What if Elizabeth gets in an accident on her way home tonight? What if Paul gets in an accident as he maneuvers the extremely busy highways in and around Atlanta? And don't even get me started with the grandchildren! What if?? IF __________, then God.

“Be brave. Be brave. Be brave” Beth (I don't think she'd object to the first name basis) said three times with feeling. Honestly, I don’t think there was a woman there who was unmoved.

My daughter Carrie is days (maybe hours) away from delivering her baby boy, and as the days pass, she’s becoming increasingly anxious. What if the doctor is not on call? What if he’s out of town? What if they can’t make it to Savannah on time? What if someone who’s lined up to help with the children can’t come over while she’s in the hospital?

I called her this morning and told her about last night’s lesson and reminded her that IF __________, THEN GOD. He’s with her now and will be then. She just needs to have courage and fear not…and so does her mother. Be brave Carrie. Be brave.

Vashti's Downfall

Good looks are an advantage in life…or so I’ve been told. Research study after research study confirms this. Ah, you want evidence? Google it, and I’m sure you’ll speedily find tons of studies validating the importance of appearance. Even without reading scientific studies, a casual perusal of popular magazines cites instances of people getting their noses straightened, eyes “fixed,” and teeth whitened. Sometimes it’s vanity, and sometimes it’s the ever increasing pressure to look GOOD. All of us aren’t born with Angelina Jolie’s stunning good looks. Then too, there’s the ageism thing that forces many middle aged adults to erase wrinkles and tighten loose skin in order to better compete in the job market with the younger set.

Let’s get back to Angelina. She’s a looker, no doubt about it. But then, isn’t there something else appealing about her? I know a lot of people don’t like her, but even they have to admit that the woman can act. She also seems to be a good mother and a philanthropist. If Brad decides to leave her for a younger model, she won’t crumble and fall. She might falter, but she’ll get up, brush herself off, and rely on some of her many abilities and gifts. While looks are important to her, she hasn’t put all of her eggs in one basket. Have you?

You might wonder where I’m going with this. I’m still stuck on Queen Vashti. We know she was beautiful, so beautiful that the king wanted her to come out wearing her crown so that he could show her off to the other men. They’d all been drinking and were “merry with wine.” Why would he ask his life partner, his companion, his bride to come out and parade around in front of a bunch of inebriated guys? Some Bible scholars have even suggested that he wanted her to wear only her crown.

Remember how the story ends? She refuses. He gets angry, “very wroth, and his anger burned in him.” (Esther 1:12) After conferring with his “wise men,” Ahasuerus decides to divorce Vashti. After all, what if her example is followed by the other wives in the kingdom?

I might be looking at this wrong, but it finally hit me that Vashti had put all of her eggs in one basket, the beauty basket. That’s all she had…or that’s all we know about anyway. She didn’t reason with the king or use any other talents to dissuade him from his behest. She just said no. While I understand that Ahasuerus divorcing Vashti had to happen in order for Queen Esther to inherit the throne, I still think there’s an interesting and somewhat disturbing lesson here.

What happens to a beautiful woman who’s developed no other attributes other than her appearance? What if her hair loses its gloss or her skin its elasticity? What if the king in your life wants to talk about politics, philosophy, or even pottery, and you can’t hold up your end of the conversation? What if someone more glamorous comes on the scene, and all you have to offer are your face and figure? Don’t you think it’s about time to diversify? Don’t you think it’s in your best interest to cultivate a few interests of your own? Don’t you KNOW that while appearance counts, you need a little more than that to be successful?

Vashti and Esther

My sister-in-law Karen and I were chatting about her many goings-on the other evening, and she mentioned a Bible study that she’s participating in. I asked her what she was studying, and when she said Esther, that really aroused my interest.

“I really don’t know that much about her,” I said. “All I know is that she was the one who married the king after he divorced his wife, the one who wouldn’t come out and show herself to a group of male revelers.”

“Can you blame her?” Karen asked. “Some people wonder if the king expected Vashti to come out wearing nothing but a crown. After all, he was ‘merry with wine.’”

As Karen and I talked some more, I realized that I actually knew more than I thought I did…but not as much as I want to know. So tonight I’m taking the plunge. I’m going to First Baptist to learn more about Queen Esther, the queen who was brave enough risk her life to save her people. Her words, if I recall (too lazy to get out my scriptures) correctly, were, “If I perish, I perish.” I’m also hoping to learn more about Vashti, the queen who said no to the king’s request. She must have been one brave lady, and I think there’s a lesson or two to be learned from her as well.

The scriptures are replete with these wonderful, meaty stories, and all of them (in my opinion) contain layers of lessons. Right now I'm thinking of Vashti's refusal. Was she anxious about repercussions? Was she arrogant? Did the other women applaud her refusal to go before the king, or were they afraid for her? Is there a message there for women today?

Time is short. I need to get ready "for class." I just love taking classes and learning new things and gaining insight, especially into spiritual matters.

Sunday Thoughts

We have a unique and wonderful practice in the LDS church in that members have the opportunity to share their testimonies with each other on the first Sunday of each month. The meeting itself is referred to as Fast and Testimony meeting because after abstaining from food and water for two meals, members then give the money they would have spent on those meals to the church welfare program.

It’s a great plan, a divinely inspired one. I’m not saying that everyone is perfect and that all fast, pray, donate, and bear their testimonies each month, but I am saying that the majority do…at least from my vantage point. Well, there are probably more who donate fast offerings that who actually fast and there are undoubtedly more who have testimonies than those who bear them. After all, it takes courage to walk to the front and speak before a couple of hundred people (or more, depending on the size of the ward).

That said, today I watched a little 10 year old brave his way towards the stage and felt inspired by him. If a child can do it, so can I. When I sat beside him to wait our turns, I whispered, “You’re my role model.” He smiled. I looked to my right and saw Sophia seated at the organ. We exchanged glances, and before I knew it, she was seated beside me, also waiting her turn. A moment later, Telene joined us on the stand. That’s another great thing about the church: We do a lot of encouraging and supporting. Later, Lisa bore a heartfelt testimony and mentioned that her father had once told her that if you stop learning and “climbing,” you’re just coasting. Who wants to do that?

Here’s an abbreviated version of the testimony that I bore today. I know that God is our Heavenly Father and that Jesus is His Son. I believe that the Bible is the word of God and that we can find answers to all of life’s questions and mysteries in the scriptures. I also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God and that it’s another testament of Jesus Christ. I believe that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon and that he was the first in a long line of holy latter-day prophets. I believe that Thomas S. Monson is the Lord’s prophet upon the earth today and that his counsel will never lead us astray. He's asked us to serve others and to be more forgiving. Can anyone find fault with that????

Some people think prophets must wear robes, have long white beards, and carry staffs (or something akin to that). I wonder if these people would listen to President Monson more closely if he looked like that. I don’t think so; in fact, I think someone would try to lock him up. Some say that prophets can only be found within the pages of the Bible. Why would that be so? Don’t we need direction today just as much as people did thousands of years ago? And don’t you think that the things we need to hear might be a little different? While I believe that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, I think that the Israelites needed to hear about taking care of mildew and that we need to know about the perils of pornography. And I don’t think God would leave us wondering about these issues.

Back to today, one of the many things I love about the church is that we learn SO MUCH from each other. I especially enjoy F & T Meeting because I learn a little more about my church family and a lot more about how the gospel of Jesus Christ is helping them in their lives. Usually, I’m on the receiving end of the equation; today I gave a little in that I shared my feelings about my Creator, Christ’s atoning sacrifice, and the gospel of Jesus Christ. I mentioned that I’ve made a lot of decisions in my life, some good and some not. However, the BEST decision I ever made was to join this great church 25 years ago. It’s made all the difference in the paths I walk and in the lives of my children and grandchildren.

Woman at the Well

I almost always have a little notebook, journal, or pad with me in case I need to write something down. It could be a thought that needs to be recorded before I forget it, or it could be something I hear or read that I need to jot down. I've even been known to scribble things on receipts and checkbook covers when browsing through Barnes & Noble. When I look back over notes that I've recorded in church meetings, I'm amazed at their truth...and a little disconcerted that I might have lost them forever had I not taken the time to write them.

That said, I discovered these thoughts in an old notebook this morning: "Remember the woman at the well story. Christ did three things: He defended her, he loved and cared for her, and he gently instructed her. We need to show more love and appreciation for those we love and to live the higher law. Wouldn’t it be great if we knew that everyone in the ward was going to defend us and that they all loved us?"

I don't know who gave that talk, but whoever it was, thank you for the reminder.

Our Children

I have Mary on my mind again today. I’ve been rereading passages from Jesus the Christ by Talmadge and was particularly captivated by his comments about Mary’s understanding of her son and his divine mission. Remember when she and Joseph were on the way home from Jerusalem and discovered that Jesus was not among them? They returned to the temple and found him talking with the learned rabbis and told him that they had been worried about him. Seemingly surprised, he answered, “How is it that ye sought me? Wist ye not that I must be about my Father’s business?”

Mary was his mother; about that the scriptures are clear. At this juncture, however, it’s almost as if she has forgotten her son’s divine paternity. Joseph was not his father, and his father had not been looking for him for he was at that moment in his father’s house. Nevertheless, recognizing Joseph’s and his mother’s guardianship of him, Jesus left with them for Nazareth.

According to Talmadge, Mary appears to have never really understood her son and states, “He was hers, and yet in a very real sense not wholly hers.” I’ve read that sentence over and over again with this thought: That’s the same with all children. They’re ours but not really wholly ours. They all have their spark of divinity, and we as mothers are responsible for giving them birth and guiding and loving them.

I think all mothers have experienced moments when we’ve asked ourselves questions such as, “Where did this child come from?” “Where did she or he get this particular talent or propensity?” "Why can't I make him do what I want him to (we know best, right?)" I think these moments become increasingly frequent as our children advance into the teen years. By the time they’re young adults, sometimes they seem like strangers to us. Where did the swaddled infant go? How did this child get to be so savvy, knowledgeable, opinionated, aloof, or whatever the adjective might be?

It sort of reminds me of the passage from Kahlil Gibran’s “On Children.” I’m not comparing us to Mary. I’m saying that our children are not truly ours. They belong to God. They have their own hearts and minds, and they’re on loan to us for a while.

On Children
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Tamar and Others

Yesterday, my sister-in-law Lisa and my niece Sarah Beth met for some Sunday afternoon refreshment and conversation. I asked them what they'd learned in church that morning that would help them throughout the week. Lisa began telling me about certain prayers in which the people (like Hannah, for instance) who had been recipients of God's beneficence spoke prayers of praise rather than of thanksgiving. She wasn't saying whether it was good or bad but was simply reporting something that had been discussed in church. After a moment, Sarah Beth spoke up and confessed that she thought it was boring. I love her honesty and youthful spirit!

When I was 20, I probably felt the same way SB does. The people in the Bible were like characters in a novel, not really real. And truthfully, they weren't really that interesting either. As I've gotten older, I've looked beneath the surface at these people and can see their multi-dimensional essences. These were real people who lived and died and often did a lot of suffering in-between. I'm not inclined to go into a lot of detail tonight, but let's just consider a couple...or a few.

*Think about Sarai, later Sarah, who gave birth late in life after following Abraham hither, thither, and yon. A couple of times, she even went to live in a palace as part of a harem so that they'd be safe. And I wonder how she felt when Abraham took her only son Isaac away as a sacrifice?
*Think about Jezebel who got ravaged by dogs. A lot of good her makeup and hairdo did her that day!
*Then there's Leah, always second in Jacob's affections although she was his first wife.
*And oh my, look at Lot's daughters who "trick" their father into having relations wit them so that they can have children.
*I even told Sarah Beth a little bit about Judah's sexual encounter with his daughter-in-law Tamar that resulted in the birth of twins. Judah didn't know that his partner was Tamar because she was disguised as a harlot.

So Sarah Beth and anyone else who might think the Bible is boring, take a look inside and you might be surprised.

Mary's Strength

Can't believe it's been over a month since I've posted anything on this blog. Actually, I began to get a little discouraged because no one except for Connie and Putz ever responded. Connie, devoted friend that she is, gently told me that it might be because the posts were hard to understand and that people didn't know what to say. She's probably right. I think I might have "overthought" them. So tonight, I'm going to post something relatively short and simple about Mary, the mother of Jesus.

After re-reading the Christmas story several times during the recent holidays, I found myself thinking of how lonely she must have been. There's no record of her talking to her parents, a friend, or Joseph (until later). She and Gabriel talked briefly, and then he too disappeared. Since he had told her about her cousin Elisabeth, Mary traveled to see her, and as we know, Elisabeth's baby John moved within her, and she knew that Mary was carrying the Savior. Still, the information is scanty. Did the two women talk? Was she afraid? Excited?

After John the Baptist was born, Mary returned to her home and had to "face the music." Joseph loved her and wanted to do the right thing, and yet....When the angel appeared to him in a dream, he knew he had been right in beleiving that his betrothed was a woman of honor. Still, the two of them had no one to talk to except each other, and although they'd both had heavenly visitations, it must have still been a bit awkward at times.

She was so young, so courageous, so full of faith. I think of the scores of women I've known of all ages, shapes, sizes, and backgrounds who've been "with child," and I can't recall even one of them who didn't share aspects of her pregnancy with others. Sometimes it was a particular discomfort or perhaps a fear, but the fact is that there was someone to talk to. Mary had no one...and wow, what a sacred secret she carried.