Why Phyllis?

I think Dorothea and I had just had lunch at Nacho Hippo at Market Commons Friday when I got an unsettling message from Connie informing me that Phyllis was in ICU in our local hospital. Immediately, my mind conjured up an image of a beautiful woman with long, wavy blond hair and one of the sweetest faces I’ve ever seen. In recent years, she’s been struck with the BIG C, and as a result of the super strong meds, she lost her lovely tresses. I LOVED the way she looked when wearing her short strawberry blond wig, and I told her so on more than one occasion.


“You look so chic,” I’d said to her. “Plus, I can really see just how pretty your face is.”

She conquered the deadly disease, only to have it return with a vengeance, this time in her bones. Over the past several months, I’d seen her health deteriorate until finally she came to church using oxygen and sitting in a wheelchair. She was quieter, and even more serene than she had been prior to becoming sick. She seemed watchful, waiting. I admired her strength and began to feel concern for her two young children.

Saturday morning when I checked my messages on FB, the first was one from Connie informing me that Phyllis had passed away. Incredulous, I tried my best to keep the thought at bay. All day Saturday, I did entirely self-indulgent things with my family to bring in the new year, things like shopping, movie viewing, and dining out, and yet throughout the day, visions of Phyllis entered my mind. One in particular kept coming back, unbidden and a little disturbing. It was the last time I taught in Relief Society, two short weeks ago, and she sat to my right on the front row. She didn’t say anything that day, just listened intently.

Sunday morning, I opted to forgo that one last family get-together and decided to go to the beach instead. Sure hope my Christian friends don’t judge me for this, especially since the last lesson I taught was on keeping the Sabbath holy. I walked on the foggy beach for an hour and a half, and in that time I saw two horses, six dogs, 312 sea birds, and about eight people….and I listened to music on my iPod, especially hymns.

As I walked, I kept asking how this could happen to such as fine person as Phyllis. I actually got some answers, Folks. As I listened to “Where Can I Turn for Peace?” I remembered a story that Phyllis once told. She had received some disturbing family news and had passed a sleepless night. A master gardener, she arose early and went to her garden to work. She worked amongst her plants, and while pondering the news and praying for peace, she began to think, “Things will be fine. Everything will work out.” Remembering that story brought some solace.

Still, I couldn’t get her off of my mind. I just couldn’t understand how such a wonderful wife and mother could be taken from her family. Then I thought, “You can’t understand because you’re Jayne, not God. He has His reasons and is still in control here.” At that moment, a couple of verses from Isaiah came to mind, the ones about His ways and thoughts being higher than ours. It’s in Chapter 55, Verse 9: “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Everyone who knew Phyllis will miss her. At the same time, whenever I see her husband and children, remembering where she sought solace will bring some comfort. Plus, the fact that our ways are not God’s ways will bring understanding.

Life Goes On

When asked what he’d learned about life, Robert Frost reportedly said, “It goes on.” Yesterday and today, I've been thinking about those three little words quite a bit. My father-in-law died yesterday afternoon, and while there was sadness all around, there was also conversation about the business of life. Who would the pallbearers be? What should be included in the obituary? When I left for work this morning, my husband was busy reading the up-to-date news on the internet. I had already washed a load of clothes and gathered the trash for the garbage pickup. Life goes on.

A friend of mine lost his mother a few years ago, and the "life goes on" proverb applies to her situation as well. Truly one of "Eve's Sisters," this mother and grandmother had lived a full and loving life. I remember dealing with some of my friend's students and how struck I was with the stark juxtaposition of life and death.

Here's the excerpt from my book:

“O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” 1 Corinthians 15:55

Although there was a note on the door indicating that the instructor would not be meeting his class today, the students were standing around speculating about what they should do. “Was a substitute coming?” they wondered aloud. “Was there a homework assignment?” Overhearing their comments, I stopped to tell them that their instructor’s mother had passed away and that he would probably be back in class by Thursday.

Conscientious and anxious about the Spanish class, they pressed for more information on what I thought they should do. “Check his resource page,” I suggested. “You know that if he has any announcements or assignments, he’ll post them there.” Seemingly satisfied with that answer, they began to disperse.

Walking away, I thought of how even death itself makes no dent in the lives of those not personally affected. Jim’s saintly mother had gone to meet her Maker, and his students, although concerned about him and his welfare, wanted to know about their Espanol assignments. Knowing Jim, I knew that despite his grief, he too had his classes and responsibilities on his mind. After all, life goes on. Bills must be paid, obligations must be met, and students must be taught proper verb conjugations and days of the week in Espanol.

Further reflection reminded me of doctrine I’d been taught since childhood: Physical death is spiritual birth. Although it’s natural for the living to mourn the loss of a loved one, the recently departed are yet living for they have been spiritually reborn. I recalled how Jim had described his mother’s strong belief in the power of prayer and of her daily study of the scriptures. In fact, when taking a test to enter Seminary decades earlier, Jim successfully completed the exam on the first try because of his mother’s tutelage.

“Yes,” I thought, “Life goes on, and today this faithful Christian was alive in a more heavenly sphere.”

“When we die we shall go on living.” Gordon B. Hinckley

And I sincerely believe that. We do keep on living...in another sphere, a more celestial one. Here on earth and there in the heavens, life goes on.