Why Phyllis?

I think Dorothea and I had just had lunch at Nacho Hippo at Market Commons Friday when I got an unsettling message from Connie informing me that Phyllis was in ICU in our local hospital. Immediately, my mind conjured up an image of a beautiful woman with long, wavy blond hair and one of the sweetest faces I’ve ever seen. In recent years, she’s been struck with the BIG C, and as a result of the super strong meds, she lost her lovely tresses. I LOVED the way she looked when wearing her short strawberry blond wig, and I told her so on more than one occasion.


“You look so chic,” I’d said to her. “Plus, I can really see just how pretty your face is.”

She conquered the deadly disease, only to have it return with a vengeance, this time in her bones. Over the past several months, I’d seen her health deteriorate until finally she came to church using oxygen and sitting in a wheelchair. She was quieter, and even more serene than she had been prior to becoming sick. She seemed watchful, waiting. I admired her strength and began to feel concern for her two young children.

Saturday morning when I checked my messages on FB, the first was one from Connie informing me that Phyllis had passed away. Incredulous, I tried my best to keep the thought at bay. All day Saturday, I did entirely self-indulgent things with my family to bring in the new year, things like shopping, movie viewing, and dining out, and yet throughout the day, visions of Phyllis entered my mind. One in particular kept coming back, unbidden and a little disturbing. It was the last time I taught in Relief Society, two short weeks ago, and she sat to my right on the front row. She didn’t say anything that day, just listened intently.

Sunday morning, I opted to forgo that one last family get-together and decided to go to the beach instead. Sure hope my Christian friends don’t judge me for this, especially since the last lesson I taught was on keeping the Sabbath holy. I walked on the foggy beach for an hour and a half, and in that time I saw two horses, six dogs, 312 sea birds, and about eight people….and I listened to music on my iPod, especially hymns.

As I walked, I kept asking how this could happen to such as fine person as Phyllis. I actually got some answers, Folks. As I listened to “Where Can I Turn for Peace?” I remembered a story that Phyllis once told. She had received some disturbing family news and had passed a sleepless night. A master gardener, she arose early and went to her garden to work. She worked amongst her plants, and while pondering the news and praying for peace, she began to think, “Things will be fine. Everything will work out.” Remembering that story brought some solace.

Still, I couldn’t get her off of my mind. I just couldn’t understand how such a wonderful wife and mother could be taken from her family. Then I thought, “You can’t understand because you’re Jayne, not God. He has His reasons and is still in control here.” At that moment, a couple of verses from Isaiah came to mind, the ones about His ways and thoughts being higher than ours. It’s in Chapter 55, Verse 9: “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Everyone who knew Phyllis will miss her. At the same time, whenever I see her husband and children, remembering where she sought solace will bring some comfort. Plus, the fact that our ways are not God’s ways will bring understanding.

Thanks, Mr. Tyndale

Sunday’s Relief Society lesson went well if I do say so myself, not because of anything I did but because of two other reasons: the topic itself and the people in the class. Scripture study was the topic, and class members were as attentive and participative as always. They’re such a delightful group that I think if I said, “Today the lesson’s about the 12 tribes of Israel, and I’m feeling a little inadequate,” they’d come to my rescue…not because they’re a room of know-it-alls and show-offs but because they know why we’re there: to love, encourage, and support one another. After all, they're Eve's sisters.

The lesson was about scripture(s), and as I began to read and prepare, I was amazed at the things I learned and the things I was reminded of. Admittedly, I often take the scriptures for granted. I think most people do. Yet there was a time in the not too far distant past when ordinary people like us didn’t have access to the Bible, much less any other books of scripture.

In my preparation, I learned of a man named William Tyndale who was strangled and then burned at the stake for translating and publishing the Bible in English. This happened in 1536, not even 500 years ago, and while that seems like a long time, it really isn’t. An educated man, Tyndale spoke eight languages and was a member of the Catholic clergy. Distressed that the common man had no access to the scriptures, Tyndale sought church approval to translate the Bible into English. After being denied approval, he fled to Germany, and with the help of friends, translated and published the Old and New Testaments and smuggled published copies into England. Tyndale’s work is the foundation for the King James Version of Bible.

William Tyndale isn’t the only person to whom we owe a debt of gratitude, but he’s the one I’m thinking of this afternoon. I’m thinking of how this man was willing to sacrifice his life because of his unwavering commitment to make the words of God available for all people…or at least the English speaking ones. And yet today many people take this great book for granted…or perhaps don’t even realize its importance. It sits on a shelf gathering dust instead of enlightening the minds of its owners.

Today we not only have the King James Version of the Bible, but we also have several other versions. On my shelf is a version of the New Testament entitled The Message which reads like a narrative. I also have a copy of the Women’s Devotional Bible, a gift from my sister. Being LDS, I have copies of The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price. I can also access the words from all of these books (and many more) online. Heck, I can even have daily scripture messages sent to my hotmail address, and they show up on my cell phone. How convenient is that? I truly have no excuse not to read and ponder.

It occurs to me that one of the reasons the scriptures are so readily available is that perhaps God is trying to send us a message. Maybe He thinks we need instruction, inspiration, guidance, and peace more than ever. I love the Young Women’s theme this year, probably because of the encouragement it offers. The theme comes from Joshua 1:9, and it fills me with hope. “Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”

Be strong. Be tough. Be strong. You’re not alone…not ever.

Freedom to Choose

I feel okay about the lesson I taught in Relief Society earlier today. No, wait, let me rephrase that. I think the lesson that the sisters and I taught in Relief Society went well today. In our ward, we “never walk alone,” so to speak. Anyone who’s ever taught in Camden knows that she can count on relevant participation from the class. Whether it’s sharing a story, reading a scripture, adding insight, or answering a question, we help each other.

Today the lesson was entitled “Freedom to Choose,” and before I’d gone too far into the lesson, Anita mentioned that while we’re free to choose our behavior, we’re not free to choose the consequence. So true! Hoping that someone would say that, I had actually put a stick in my bag as a visual aid. I held up the stick and said, “You can’t pick up one end of a stick without picking up the other.” You can’t choose a course of action without also picking up a consequence.

Naturally, we want the consequences to be good ones. We want to feel peace, joy, happiness, discernment, and the presence of the Holy Ghost as our companion. How can we do this? It’s simple. We need to learn and obey the commandments. From the lesson manual, God’s “commandments direct us away from danger and towards eternal life. We will gain exaltation, progress eternally, and enjoy perfect happiness.” Is there anyone out there who doesn’t want that??? I think it was Brigham Young who so aptly said, “If you want to enjoy the favor of our Heavenly Father, do His will.”

And how do you know His will? You search, ponder, and pray. You read scriptures, listen to uplifting talks, read inspirational literature, contemplate what you’ve read, and pray. Pray for guidance, for help with your family, for answers to questions, for clarity of thought, and for anything else you need. There’s nothing too small (or too large) to take to God in prayer.

Sometimes people get exasperated and impatient when they don’t immediately receive positive consequences for their choices. They don’t realize that there’s most often a space between the action and the consequence. As President Ezra Taft Benson said, “One of the trials of life is that we do not usually receive immediately the full blessing for righteousness or the full cursing for wickedness. That it will come is certain, but ofttimes there is a waiting period that occurs, as was the case with Job and Joseph.”

This post could go on and on, but I need to wrap it up and go for a walk. In the meantime, thanks to Joann, Cookie, Willette, Anita, Vickie, Martha, Cookie, Joy, Brenda and Sue for your comments and to the rest of the class for their attentiveness. We’re all in this together, and it’s wonderful to be a part of a sisterhood that helps me make good choices.

Learning Wisdom

Seems that I’m always writing “on the fly.” Although I have tons of ideas, my time to blog is limited, thus leaving me with whatever I happen to be thinking of at the moment. Today I’m thinking that while the underlying purpose of this blog is to discuss women of the Bible and the contributions they made and the lessons we can learn from them, today I’m thinking of a different twist on this.

A couple of months or so ago, I participated in a Bible study that dealt with Esther, and I was amazed at the treasure trove of precious truths I took away from those few evenings. Now we’re studying the book of Proverbs in a study based on Beth Moore’s “Wising Up.” So far I’m enjoying it just as much as the Esther study. For instance, a couple of weeks ago, I learned that a wise woman is a former fool, exercises patience, is not easily annoyed, makes amends, and knows that God’s way is life’s ultimate way. After watching the DVD, Amanda, the facilitator, led a discussion about just how important our words are. Very powerful, our words can heal, soothe, upset, anger, inspire, separate, motivate, or instruct.

Here’s an example that I shared, one that seems just as pertinent today as it did 15 or so years ago when the situation took place. My daughter Carrie was a teenager at the time, and she was as intent on having her way and her say as I was on having mine. Around and around we’d go with our “heated discussions,” and one she said something like, “Mama, I can never win an argument with you. You’re older and know more words, so why should I even try to talk to you about things?”

While some parents might think, “Aha, it’s about time you learned that valuable lesson, Young Lady,” that’s not how I perceived this. Instantly, I saw that my constant desire to be the PARENT in charge of her every move was not working. Nor was her wish to be a fancy free teenager coming and going as she pleased. Something had to give.

About that time I read a book by Marianne Williamson that pretty much nailed our situation. She said that whenever she found herself in a position in which she knew she could win an argument, debate, or conflict of any sort, she had begun to ask herself what was more important, victory or peace. Admittedly, winning is NICE. The problem is that the victorious feeling is short-lived, and meanwhile, you might have seriously damaged your relationship with the other person.

Is that what I wanted? To win? To let my daughter know once and for all who was boss? I wanted peace, peace for both of us…for the entire family. I’m not suggesting that parents remove all restrictions and let children do whatever they want to do whenever they want to do it. I’m saying to ask yourself if there’s a way to find peace without fighting all the time, a way to find peace without always “besting” the other person. Sometimes we might have a bigger vocabulary, more experience, a higher position, or the gift of being more articulate. Is it right to use those capabilities to win?

Truthfully,I’d like to win and to have peace too, but that isn’t always possible. I count the cost and then decide, and nine times out of ten, I go for peace. Hands down. It’s a better, more satisfying feeling. Again, I’m not saying to give away the proverbial farm; I’m just saying to count the cost and “wise up.”
Can you think of a situation when you wish you’d have been a bit wise with your words?