Don't Look Back

Good-bye 2011!

On the last evening of 2011, I find myself remembering some of the high and not-so-high moments of the past twelve months. Mostly, it was a very good year. However, it's now history, and while reminiscing about it can be a grand thing, I need to move on. Below is an excerpt from a book I've been working on about the women of the Bible and what their lives can teach us from both a spiritual and a psychological perspective. This brief excerpt is what I needed to reread to get motivated for tomorrow. Enjoy!

"Most mornings, I like to get up before dawn. That way, I can read and write to my heart’s content while the day is still fresh and uncluttered with the crazy busyness of life. Sometimes I’ll read a magazine or a novel that I’m working on for book club, but most of the time I’ll read something inspirational or informative…or both.



This morning I was leafing through a book entitled Gifts of the Spirit that I discovered at a local thrift boutique. By Philip Zaleski and Paul Kaufman (1997), the book is subtitled Living the Wisdom of the Great Religious Traditions and has an overall theme of the importance of contemplation and stillness in daily life. Here’s one of my favorite sentences from the section I read this morning. “When you wake up tomorrow morning, let this be among your first thoughts: now is the time to begin….with the rest of my life before me, a path of unpredictable length and inconceivable wonder (23).”

Whether good, bad, or neutral, yesterday’s gone. While past events can continue to influence a person, she doesn’t have to remain trapped in the past with its demons. Nor will it do her any good to look longingly at a door that has closed. Now is the time to begin. Interestingly, going forward in the pursuit of your goals and dreams is also a theme in humanistic psychology. While the past can continue to affect and influence us, it doesn’t have to determine who we are. We have choices, lots of them. Move on or stay stuck? Go for it or cower in a corner?

In Relief Society today, our teacher mentioned the story of Lot’s wife, and having heard and/or read about the misfortune that befell her when she looked back, I knew the moral of the story before Lisa told us: Don’t look back. Then one of the younger women gave me something to think about that I’d never considered before. She said she could be looking out of her kitchen window washing dishes and have a thought or memory about her past and some of the poor choices she had made and begin to feel anxious and unhappy. Don’t look back has a different but equally important meaning for her. She went on to say that she could choose to stay mired in guilt and shame or she could turn her thoughts to today. She always chooses the latter.

Is it a coincidence that I read the passage from Gifts of the Spirit just a few hours before again hearing of Lot’s wife decision? Maybe. What I most took from these two events is that no matter how many times you read a story, you can always come away with a fresh meaning, a heightened awareness of what was really going on. I’d always assumed that Lot’s wife was looking back with a bittersweet longing, and perhaps that was the case. The lesson is clear, however. Don’t look back."

Now is the time to begin the next chapter in your life, and you can’t do it if you’re a pillar of salt. What are you waiting for??

New Chapter

Life has its share of ups and downs, victories and losses. One day a person can be riding high, and the next she can topple and hit rock bottom. Fame, fortune, prestige, and even family can change suddenly, leaving a person bereaved and broken…at least temporarily. That’s what happened to Naomi. I can visualize her basking in the role as matriarch and then experiencing grief so deep that many would have given up and succumbed to a lifetime of sadness. Not Naomi. Her story is one of hope and triumph.

I know several women named Ruth but only one named Naomi. I’m wondering why that is. Naomi is actually a beautiful name, and the Biblical Naomi was definitely a strong woman and a good role model for all women. For some reason she’s overshadowed by Ruth, her loyal daughter-in-law. Yet without her relationship to Naomi, it’s doubtful that Ruth would have met and married Boaz, hence becoming part of the genealogy of Christ.

As an overview of the story, Naomi’s husband and both sons had been killed, and she was left in with her two daughters-in-law, Naomi and Orpah. Knowing that the two young women probably wanted to return to their homelands now that their husbands were dead, she gave them permission to leave. Orpah left, but Naomi stayed after saying, “Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go.” (Ruth 1:16)

The two women traveled to Bethlehem, and from the scriptures it becomes evident that Naomi feels bitter and empty when she says, “I went out full, and the Lord hath brought me home empty.” (verse 31) At some point Naomi instructed Ruth to glean in the fields of Boaz, a kinsman, thus laying the groundwork for a meeting and perhaps a romantic interest. Naomi’s plan worked. Ruth and Boaz married, and she gave birth to Obed…the grandfather of King David. It’s awesome to consider how Naomi’s life went from empty to full again!

Yesterday I was thinking of a widow with one child and one grandchild, both of whom live in a distant state. Rather than feel sorry for herself because of her husband’s premature death, she has chosen to do whatever it takes to secure employment in the city where her son and his family live. Now that I’m thinking about this topic, I can think of dozens of 1st century Naomis. There are women who’ve been “let go” from positions they’ve held for years, primarily because of age. And then there are those whose husbands have left them for younger models.

If Naomi could speak to these women and others who have lost something or someone important, I think she would say, “Be of good cheer. You just don’t know the good things that wait in store for you. Another chapter of your life is about to begin, and it’s going to be grand.”

Leaving Home

Some people say that the most defining moment in the Old Testament is when God tells Abram to leave his country, his kindred, and father’s house and go to a land that he will show him. Me, I don’t know. My knowledge is pretty puny about these things. What’s brought the passage to mind are a couple of young families I’ve been thinking about this past week. Today, instead of writing about women in the Bible, I’m going to write something related to some of Eve’s modern day sisters.

A week or so ago, Anita Ervin began a month of Thanksgiving notes by expressing her gratitude for her family and the life they’re currently living in Oklahoma. I remember when they left with their two young daughters and infant son. How brave they were to be moving across country so that Ben could start his new job. That was well over a year ago, and it seems that everyone is thriving.

Another example would be my oldest daughter Carrie. Married for nearly ten years, she and Rich have lived in four different places, and they currently reside in Rincon, GA. Wherever they’ve moved, Carrie has found new friends and made a nice home for her family. I’ve never heard her say, “I’m lonely,” or “I’ll never be happy in this place.” Quite the contrary, she’s adjusted well, and I think part of it is because she knew it was the best thing for the whole family. She knows that her attitude can affect both Rich and her children, and she consequently squared her shoulders and got involved in the community, especially the church and schools.

At the same time, the parents and grandparents of the above families miss them dearly. In my case, it’s only three hours away, and yet with our schedules, sometimes it might as well be three days. Last weekend I had the opportunity to spend some time with one of my brothers and his wife and one of his sons. Becky and I chatted off and on throughout the two days, and one of the things we talked about is how in biblical stories, people lived close to their families. I think what prompted this conversation was thinking about her adult sons and where they would settle. Like most moms, she wants them to stay close by, not next door but not a thousand miles away either.

Speaking of sons, mine lives in Atlanta, four hours from me and over six hours from Amanda’s family. Do I miss him? You bet I do. Sometimes I think that if I don’t see his blue eyes soon, I’ll go bonkers. Still, they’re there for a reason, and I honestly think that living there has helped them grow closer as a couple. Then there’s the graduate school thing, a puzzle piece to whatever God has in store for him.

All this got me thinking about Abraham and how he left Haran for Canaan. Does that mean that “kids” need to get out of their fathers’ houses in order to find their own way? Would we have ever heard of Abraham if he’d been recalcitrant and said NO? God might have found another to be the father of many nations, but that’s not what happened. What happened is that the family left their home of origin, and well, you know the rest of the story.

So I guess as a mother and grandmother, my job is to raise children and turn them over to God. If their paths lead to faraway Canaan, then I’ll have to accept the fact that perhaps it’s for their own growth. Is that what you read into this story too? Or am I seeing things that aren't there?

Don't Look Back!

Here it is Sunday again, and I’ve yet to blog about some thoughts I had about last week’s Relief Society. It was wonderful—informative, inspirational and well-delivered. Michelle began by asking us if we knew what the 2nd shortest verse in the Bible was, and no one did. Do you happen to know? Don’t feel too bad if you don’t because you have a lot of company. I learned from Michelle that it’s in Luke 27:32: “Remember Lot’s wife.” Interesting, huh?

The story is a familiar one. Before destroying Sodom completely, God gives Lot and his family the chance to escape the fire and brimstone and warns them not to look back. All seems well, but then Lot’s wife takes a backwards glance, and she’s forever turned into a block of salt.

I’ve thought about her off and on over the years and wondered exactly what meaning we’re supposed to take from her action and its consequence. Before going any further with this, I’m going to copy and paste something I’d written in Musings of a Missionary Mom about this situation.

“This story has always seemed crazy to me. Crazy and cruel. Crazy for her to look back after God had clearly told the family not to and cruel for God to actually turn her into a pillar of salt. But then again, Lot’s wife was human, a mere mortal just like the rest of us who don’t’ always do what God tells us to do. We try, but sometimes we slip and fall just like she did. Still, what she did seems like such a minor infraction. A backwards glance, and forever she’s a chunk of sodium.

"There’s got to be an explanation. Some scientists would have us believe that it never happened, and that in fact there are salt formations all over the area near the southern tip of the Dead Sea. Others with no plausible explanation might say that It’s a metaphorical story. Perhaps it is, and yet I prefer to believe the actual Biblical account and keep asking myself why God was so emphatic about not looking back and why he meted out such severe punishment. After all, the ramifications of that act affected her entire family. Lot had no wife; his daughters had no mother.

"I’m wondering if this story is oft-repeated not only as an indication of what God can and will do if we disobey him but also because looking back is unhealthy. How can one move forward if she’s forever looking longingly at yesterday? Some people live so much in the land of Yesterday that they can’t go forward. They become pickled like the pillars of salt somewhere between Sodom and Zoar.”

Here are some additional insights from Michelle’s lesson.
*Everyone in Sodom was evil. God who looks on the inner person knew perhaps that her heart was really in Sodom. Would Lot’s wife have tainted their new life?
*Michelle mentioned that we have a problem going forward. We want things to be the way they were ‘back when.” Things never are. Change is certain. We can realize that and look to our future and what’s in store for us or stay stuck, longing for days gone by.
*Someone brought up the fact that God turned Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt because she was disobedient. Michelle, an excellent teacher, reminded the class that we are all disobedient…and probably a lot more so than Lot’s wife. She simply turned and looked back. What are some ways that you have sinned? Do you even want to go there???

So tell me what you think about the meaning of this story. It’s a fascinating one that I feel must have significance, and I’m open to new ideas…or to a rehashing of the old ones.

Don't Look Back

After reading a friend's blog about perspective today, I've been thinking a lot about the importance of moving on, of not getting stuck in the past. Our pasts can influence us, but they don't have to determine who we are and what we become. We are free to choose our destiny, and sometimes that involves being obedient or disobedient.

These thoughts, prompted by Christie's post, reminded me of something I wrote a few years ago about Lot's wife. Here it is:

Genesis 19:26
“But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.”
This story has always seemed crazy to me. Crazy and cruel. Crazy for her to look back after God had clearly told the family not to and cruel for God to actually turn her into a pillar of salt. But then again, Lot’s wife was human, a mere mortal just like the rest of us who don’t always do what God tells us to do. We try, but sometimes we slip and fall just like she did. Still, it seems such a minor infraction. A backwards glance, and forever she’s a chunk of sodium.

There’s got to be an explanation. Some scientists would have us believe that it never happened, and that in fact there are salt formations all over the area near the southern tip of the Red Sea. Others with no plausible explanation might say that it’s a metaphorical story. Perhaps it is, and yet I prefer to believe the actual Biblical account and keep asking myself why God was so emphatic about not looking back and why he meted out such severe punishment. After all, the ramifications of that act affected her entire family. Lot had no wife; his daughters had no mother.

I’m wondering if this story is oft repeated not only as an indication of what God can and will do if we disobey him but also because looking back is unhealthy. How can one move forward if she’s forever looking longingly at yesterday? Some people live so much in the land of Yesterday that they can’t go forward. They become pickled like the pillars of salt somewhere between Sodom and Zoar.

The Original Rubber Necker

I have lots more to say about Sarah, but today I’m thinking more about Lot’s wife. The story of her looking back for one last look has always seemed a little crazy to me. Crazy and cruel. Crazy for her to look back after God had clearly told her not to and cruel for God to actually turn her into a pillar of salt. But then again, she was human, a mere mortal like the rest of us who don’t always do what God tells us to do. We try, but sometimes we slip and fall just like Lot’s wife. (It bugs me that she doesn’t have a name…at least not in the scriptures). Still, what she did seems like such a minor infraction. A backwards glance, and she’s forever a chunk of sodium

There’s got to be an explanation. Why was God so emphatic about not looking back, and why did he mete out such severe punishment? After all, the ramifications of that act affected her entire family. Lot had no wife; his daughters had no mother. I used to think it was such an oft-repeated story because looking back is unhealthy? How can one move forward if she’s forever looking longingly at yesterday? Some people live so much in the land of Yesterday that they can’t enjoy the gift of the present or plan with hope for tomorrow.

Yesterday, however, I got an additional insight into Lot’s wife. I was stuck in traffic on I-20 in SC for about 30 minutes. When we moved at all, it was literally inching along and then stopping, inching along and then stopping. When we finally began moving again, I could see half a dozen highway patrol cars beside the highway with a banged up vehicle. The reason we were barely moving soon became apparent. People were slowly riding by “rubber necking” to see what was happening…or what had happened. For some reason, I thought of Lot’s wife. Could she have been one of the first known rubber neckers? Did she just want to have a look at what happened to Sodom? Was curiosity her downfall instead of a reluctance to move on?

Whatever the reason, Lot’s wife’s disobedience affected her entire family, and centuries later, we’re still learning lessons from her backwards glance. Do what God tells you and don’t look back.