Go Leah!

Yesterday my daughter Elizabeth asked me about some of the similarities between her sister and her. This query was prompted by something I’d done, something that made her laugh and say, “Mom, you and Aunt Ann are so much alike sometimes that it’s not even funny." And then after a moment, she asked, "How are Carrie and I alike?”

“Well,” I said. “You both have dark hair and the same basic facial structure. And anyone who’s looking at the two of you would know have the same parents.”

Not content with my answer, she persisted, “But we’re so different in other ways.”

And she’s right. Elizabeth is as quiet and reserved as Carrie is extraverted and talkative. Their basic temperaments, what psychologists look at as the raw material from which the personality is fashioned, have been different from their first days in the world. At the same time, they’re both conscientious, hard working, and diligent. They can be counted on to do what needs to be done and to give it their best effort.

Our brief conversation reminded me of two sisters I’ve mentioned often, Leah and Rachel. Like my daughters, they had the same parents, and yet their looks and personalities differed greatly. Leah was not as attractive as her beautiful sister Rachel. At the same time, I see Leah as being steady, dependable, and non-complaining. Rachel appears more temperamental and perhaps even petulant. She wanted a child so much that she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or else I die.” (Genesis 30:1). As we know, she later gives birth to Joseph and Benjamin.

Back to Leah, I’ve often found myself feeling sorry for her. She gave birth to six of Jacob’s sons and a daughter, and yet she appears to remain second in his affections. It’s not as though she asked to be married to him. The marriage was brainchild of her scheming father. Could she have refused her father’s instructions? Was she resentful? And later, was she heartbroken to remain in the beautiful Rachel’s shadow? Was she jealous of Rachel? I don’t know.

I’ve been thinking of some of Leah’s sterling qualities, and her conscientiousness tops the list. Costa and McCrae, developers of the five-factor model of personality, list this attribute as one of the Big Five. The traits are easy to remember if you can just remember one of my favorite words, OCEAN, as a mnemonic acronym: Openness, Conscientious, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism.

Today and in Leah and Rachel’s era, there is plenty of evidence to indicate the value of conscientious, and to me this quality was one of Leah’s most salient traits. I have no doubt that she was dependable, industrious,and organized. Because of the time and place in which she lived, she was probably busy from dawn to dusk just taking care of business, business like making sure all the members of her household had what they needed to survive. If I’m out of bread, I jump in the car and go to Wal-Mart. I don’t think Leah ever let that happen, do you?

After rereading the Genesis account of the two sisters, I now feel both compassion and admiration for Leah. The compassion lingers because she still felt that Jacob loved Rachel more, and she knew that Rachel was more beautiful. At the same time, I can’t find a shred of evidence that she was spiteful, backbiting, or mean spirited towards Rachel or anyone else. What a gal! She was too busy doing what she needed to do to be overly concerned with the emotional undertones of the large household. She did what she had to do to take care of her seven children, and as Wife Number One, she undoubtedly had the responsibility and prestige that came with the title.

As a friend of mine recently reminded me, Jacob asked to buried next to Leah, not Rachel. And lest we forget, she gave birth to six of the twelve sons of Israel. She doesn’t need our sympathy; she deserves our applause. Go Leah!

Museum Moment

Jeanita is one of my oldest and dearest friends, the kind you might not see for months and yet when you meet again, you can pick up exactly where you left off. Lately we’ve been trying to come up with a free weekend that we could get together with another couple of friends, and it seems impossible to come up with a date that will work for all the people involved. I’m not talking about a week or even an entire weekend. We’ve given up on that idea. Now we’re just trying to find a free spot for dinner! Incidentally, we live about 140 miles apart so it’s not as if she’s right around the corner. And then when you add more people into the mix, then a meeting really gets complicated!

At some point during last night’s conversation, Jeanita said something I’ve heard her say many times. It’s a thought I’ve heard expressed by many women.

“I thought things were supposed to get easier as we got older,” she said. “It seems like they’re getting more and more complicated.”

“You’re right,” I agreed. “I’m busy all the time, and I often wonder how I managed to get anything done when I was a younger mother.”

As I’ve mentioned before, the key is balance. Jeanita and I like to have fun and have taken some trips to NYC together. On one of them, we left Judy, Joan Ella, and Patty at the hotel so that we could visit the MoMA, Museum of Modern Art, where there was a Van Gogh exhibit. I was having a conniption fit to see The Starry Night, and despite the fact that we’d miss having dinner with the rest of our party before the theatre, Jeanita was up for the experience.

We rode in a bicycle drawn rickshaw to get there, and even though we only had thirty minutes to savor the exhibit once we arrived, it was well worth the time and the money. On the way, we laughed and chatted and absorbed the energy of the city. Then when we got into the museum and on the floor of the exhibit, I said something like, “Let’s just walk in calmly and amble along until we see it.” She grinned, nodding in agreement.

And that’s what we did. After looking at paintings of wheat fields and potato eaters, we rounded a corner and there it was, The Starry Night. Awed by the painting’s intense colors, swirling celestial orbs, and the cypress tree reaching toward heaven, neither of us spoke for a few moments. Standing there, we talked about the tiny town nestled beneath the sky and how the church steeple reached heavenward, just like the tree. In the sky, there was action and energy and light; below there was quiet and darkness. We talked about how puffed up and important we humans think we are, and yet when compared to the cosmos, we’re “small potatoes.”

I’d have to say that viewing the painting was pretty close to a spiritual experience. While studying scriptures, praying, meditating, attending church, reading inspirational books and magazines are all beneficial for our spiritual growth, so is visiting an art museum and appreciating the work of the great painters. So are visiting a beach, a mountain, or your own backyard. Mother Nature can be a good nurturer, and often a walk around my neighborhood turns into a moving meditation.

Jeanita and saw the rest of the exhibit and then circled back for one last look at Starry Night. I bought a poster of it in the museum gift shop, and whenever I look at it, I remember that day in Manhattan when I was both Mary and Martha. Balance is the key.

Egyptian Mother

According to every reputable source available, four in ten births in America are to unwed mothers. That boggles my mind! I don't profess to know all of  the many reasons behind this societal change. Sometimes couples need more time to develop their relationship and their bank account before tying the knot. Sometimes there was never an intention to marry, especially now that the era of “shotgun weddings” appears to be history. Then too, often these births occur among women in their 20’s and 30’s who are independent and resourceful enough to raise a child on their own.

I think many of these moms could use some help every now and then. Semester after semester I teach young women whose “baby daddies” have moved on, leaving them to provide food, clothing, shelter, medical care, and TLC for the little ones. That’s where the rest of us can step in. There are thousands of children who need love and guidance and maybe a few extra material things too. They need someone who can provide things that their mothers don’t have time or resources for.

Thinking about this sociological phenomenon reminds me of a woman in the Bible who raised one of the most influential men in all history, a man whom the Lord knew “face to face.” This man was Moses, and the woman who raised him was Pharaoh’s daughter. Jochebed was his biological mother, and she trusted God enough to hide the infant Moses by the river’s brink when he was three months old. Had she not done so, he would likely have been killed.

Remember the story? Pharaoh’s daughter and her maidens went down to the river so that she could bathe, and while there, she spied the baby. When she looked at him, he cried, and she had compassion for the little one. Although she knew he was a Hebrew child and that all Hebrew baby boys were to be killed, she made arrangements to “adopt” him as her own.

Months passed, and according to the story in the second chapter of Exodus, Jochebed nursed him and then brought him to Pharaoh’s daughter. “And the child grew, and she brought him unto Pharaoh’s daughter, and he became her son. And she called his name Moses: and she said, Because I drew him out of the water.” (Verse 10) Although Jochebed’s heart was probably heavy that day, she knew what had to be done to save her son’s life.

Even though she was Pharaoh’s daughter, to me it seems that she took a big chance in raising him in the palace. Would he be recognized as Hebrew and not Egyptian? Was she single? If so, would there be gossip about the child's father? If married, what sort of understanding did she and her husband reach about Moses? Would her father not notice the child and have him killed? I don’t know much about the status of women during that era, but I don’t think being a princess was quite as exalted a role as it later became. She could have lost her life too!

Because of his life in the palace, Moses had advantages that would prepare him to eventually lead his people out of Egypt. Just imagine the education he received as a member of the royal household compared to the one he would have received had he stayed with his birth family. Plus, he learned firsthand about Egyptian culture, knowledge that would surely come in handy later in his life.

While this story occurred centuries ago, it has application to today’s world. I’m not a member of a royal household, but there are things I can do for children whose mothers are stressed and whose resources are stretched to the max. I can babysit, donate money to a women’s shelter, or even buy school supplies. The mothers we help don't necessarily have to be single either. Married moms have their share of challenges, even those with financial resources. They need support too.

I’m a grandmother and too old to adopt a child, but there are younger, more energetic people who could do so. I’ve read that many people who want to adopt a child would prefer one of their same race and/or ethnicity. But Moses was a Hebrew, and his mother was an Egyptian. Look how she changed his life!

New Chapter

Life has its share of ups and downs, victories and losses. One day a person can be riding high, and the next she can topple and hit rock bottom. Fame, fortune, prestige, and even family can change suddenly, leaving a person bereaved and broken…at least temporarily. That’s what happened to Naomi. I can visualize her basking in the role as matriarch and then experiencing grief so deep that many would have given up and succumbed to a lifetime of sadness. Not Naomi. Her story is one of hope and triumph.

I know several women named Ruth but only one named Naomi. I’m wondering why that is. Naomi is actually a beautiful name, and the Biblical Naomi was definitely a strong woman and a good role model for all women. For some reason she’s overshadowed by Ruth, her loyal daughter-in-law. Yet without her relationship to Naomi, it’s doubtful that Ruth would have met and married Boaz, hence becoming part of the genealogy of Christ.

As an overview of the story, Naomi’s husband and both sons had been killed, and she was left in with her two daughters-in-law, Naomi and Orpah. Knowing that the two young women probably wanted to return to their homelands now that their husbands were dead, she gave them permission to leave. Orpah left, but Naomi stayed after saying, “Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go.” (Ruth 1:16)

The two women traveled to Bethlehem, and from the scriptures it becomes evident that Naomi feels bitter and empty when she says, “I went out full, and the Lord hath brought me home empty.” (verse 31) At some point Naomi instructed Ruth to glean in the fields of Boaz, a kinsman, thus laying the groundwork for a meeting and perhaps a romantic interest. Naomi’s plan worked. Ruth and Boaz married, and she gave birth to Obed…the grandfather of King David. It’s awesome to consider how Naomi’s life went from empty to full again!

Yesterday I was thinking of a widow with one child and one grandchild, both of whom live in a distant state. Rather than feel sorry for herself because of her husband’s premature death, she has chosen to do whatever it takes to secure employment in the city where her son and his family live. Now that I’m thinking about this topic, I can think of dozens of 1st century Naomis. There are women who’ve been “let go” from positions they’ve held for years, primarily because of age. And then there are those whose husbands have left them for younger models.

If Naomi could speak to these women and others who have lost something or someone important, I think she would say, “Be of good cheer. You just don’t know the good things that wait in store for you. Another chapter of your life is about to begin, and it’s going to be grand.”

Amazing Grace

My sister went to a Bible study last week, and Hagar was the topic. You remember her, right? She was Sarah’s servant, the one Sarah “gave” to Abraham so that he/they could have a son. Once while Hagar was expecting and then later when the child was much older, Sarah told Abraham to get Hagar out of her sight. Was she jealous? Angry? I don’t know. I just know that twice the “bondswoman” was banished to the desert, and twice God called her by name and told her what to do.


To Sarah, she was a servant. Apparently (although I could be misinterpreting this), Abraham felt the same way. To God, however, she had a name and a destiny. He was very much aware of her dire circumstances when He spoke to her and told her what to do to save her own life and that of her child’s. Hagar listened.

“Don’t you get it?” my sister Ann asked. “God knew her by name, just like he knows all of us.”

I’ve been thinking of Hagar off and on all week and of how we all have names and missions. We’re not all aware of our gifts and opportunities, however. Maybe we have too much of a bondswoman’s mentality and don’t realize our divine worth. Or then maybe we just don’t listen when He speaks.

When I saw Oprah’s final show on Wednesday, I couldn’t help but think of how that lady has always listened to His voice. I wish I’d watched Oprah more often. Because of work and general “busyness," I never had the opportunity to sit and watch a single show all the way through until Wednesday. Sure, I’ve seen bits and pieces of Oprah over the years, and I’ve often pored over her magazine. And I loved her performance in The Color Purple. Her star quality shone through in Beloved too. My friend Jeanita and I even talked about going to Chicago and trying to get on her show. It never happened, and now it’s too late.

It’s not too late, however, to learn more about this remarkable woman and the gifts she has given to the world. I’m not just talking about cars and scholarships. I’m talking about wisdom, hope, and encouragement. As a friend of mine commented the other day, “Say what you will about Oprah. She’s done more than any human I’ve ever known to share love and largesse.” Martha’s right, of course. Oprah’s generosity of spirit and pocketbook are unparalleled.

As I watched her on stage Wednesday, beautiful and stylish in her pink dress and heels, I marveled at her strength, determination, and intellect. What is it that sets her apart from the rest of us? In addition to her phenomenal gifts, I think it’s also the hand of God AND her awareness of it. I loved it when she acknowledged His constant presence and guidance in her life. He’s there for all of us, even if we don’t know it...or if we know it but don’t give Him credit.

This morning I went online to read a little more about Oprah, and I saw a video clip of Stedman who surprised her at a gala the other night. He walked on stage and basically said, “It really does amaze me that I get to be around a woman who changes peoples' lives every day and who also takes her own lunch to work. I cannot, honey, believe that a colored girl from the backwoods of Mississippi has done all that you have done ... I love you for making a difference in my life."

Stedman then told her something that they both knew, that she’s done it all through God’s amazing grace. She might have some time in the desert, but Oprah, like Hagar, recognized and listened to God’s promptings. Don’t you think it would work for the rest of us? I’ll never be a star, but I know He knows my name.

Don't Look Back

Most mornings, I like to get up before dawn. That way, I can read and write to my heart’s content while the day is still fresh and uncluttered with the crazy busyness of life. Sometimes I’ll read a magazine or a novel that I’m working on for book club, but most of the time I’ll read something inspirational or informative…or both.


This morning I was leafing through a book entitled Gifts of the Spirit that I discovered at a local thrift boutique, The Red Door. By Philip Zaleski and Paul Kaufman, the book is subtitled Living the Wisdom of the Great Religious Traditions and has an overall theme of the importance of contemplation and stillness in daily life. Here’s one of my favorite sentences from the section I read this morning. “When you wake up tomorrow morning, let this be among your first thoughts: now is the time to begin….with the rest of my life before me, a path of unpredictable length and inconceivable wonder.”

Whether good, bad, or neutral, yesterday’s gone. While past events can continue to influence a person, she doesn’t have to remain trapped in the past with its demons. Nor will it do her any good to look longingly at a door that has closed. Now is the time to begin.

In Relief Society today, our teacher mentioned the story of Lot’s wife, and having heard and/or read about the misfortune that befell her when she looked back, I knew the moral of the story before Lisa told us: Don’t look back. Then one of the younger women gave me something to think about that I’d never considered before. She said she could be looking out of her kitchen window washing dishes and have a thought or memory about her past and some of the poor choices she had made and begin to feel anxious and unhappy. Don’t look back has a different but equally important meaning for her. She went on to say that she could choose to stay mired in guilt and shame or she could turn her thoughts to today. She always chooses the latter.

Is it a coincidence that I read the passage from Gifts of the Spirit just a few hours before again hearing of Lot’s wife decision? Maybe. What I most took from these two events is that no matter how many times you read a story, you can always come away with a fresh meaning, a heightened awareness of what was really going on. I’d always assumed that Lot’s wife was looking back with a bittersweet longing, and perhaps that was the case. The lesson is clear, however. Don’t look back.

Now is the time to begin the next chapter in your life, and you can’t do it if you’re a pillar of salt.

Roomful of Dorcases

I was a little anxious about teaching this morning. No matter how well prepared I am, I still always feel a bit jittery. By now, I should know better. After all, the people I have to present the various lessons to are ALWAYS receptive to what their teachers have to say. I think everyone feels that we’re all in this (whatever this might mean to you) and that we need to love and support one another. Being in a room with them feels like being surrounded with a group of  Dorcases.


The lesson was on charity, the pure love of Christ, and I had read the lesson itself, two magazine articles, and at least a dozen scriptures. I had even given assignments to eight class members, thus assuring that I’d have some participation. Seriously, even if I had done nothing but read the lesson and the accompanying scriptures, I think the lesson would have gone smoothly. Why? Because I’m fortunate to be part of a group of women who walk the charitable walk and who were willing to share their examples.

None of us are perfect. Some of the examples weren’t exemplary, and yet we learned from those too. For instance, someone shared a situation in which she saw someone who appeared to be in need, but in a hurry (maybe like the priest in the Good Samaritan story?), she drove on by. The next morning she read of a murder that had taken place at the location where she had spotted the person in need. At that moment, she vowed never to let an opportunity to show compassion pass.

She got her chance soon thereafter when she stopped to help someone in a motorized wheelchair. Assuming that he was “stuck” and needed her assistance, she was surprised when he told her that he was simply enjoying being outside listening to the sounds of life, including traffic and birds. Interestingly, the wheelchair-bound gentleman confided that this kind woman was the only person who had taken the time to stop and say hello. How hard it that??? Charity doesn’t have to involve big contributions, tasty casseroles, or hours in a homeless shelter. Taking the time to stop and say hello are charitable too.

There were several other wonderful examples of charity. However, the last one was the absolute best, and I think it demonstrates something we’re all guilty of. Valerie shared a recent scenario in which she and her husband and small child were shopping in Target. She saw a young couple with a baby, and she sensed that they were struggling with deciding what to buy with their limited funds. How could they make the proverbial dollar stretch? Compassionate and caring, Valerie sent up a silent prayer to her Heavenly Father asking that He help this young couple. She walked on by, and after a few seconds, her little girl asked, “Where’s Dad?” They turned around and spotted him. Wallet open, he was giving cash to the couple. A lump in her throat, Valerie thought of how she had prayed, but her husband had acted.

Haven’t we all done that? Haven’t we all asked God to bless the sick and the afflicted, the lame and the lonely? But have we done anything about these people in need? I feel fortunate to be a member of such an organization of “sisters” who love and support each other and anyone else they see in need. They, not I, taught the lesson this morning.

One Man, One Woman

This is going to be one of those posts that brings up more questions than it answers. Maybe you can read it and provide some insight for me.

Relationships are grand, but they also have the potential for stress, misunderstanding, and heartache. The scriptures are replete with examples of parent/child relationships, friendships, and even marriages. However, the more I read and ponder the latter, the more flummoxed I become, especially about divorce, polygamy, and adultery.Have the answers ever been clear cut? What's a woman to think when studying the lives of the women in the Old Testament?

Let’s start with the wives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I don’t know what happened after Sarah died, but I know that when she and Abraham were married, he instructed her to tell two different rulers that she was his sister. While it’s true that she was his half-sister, she was also his wife, and it’s always struck me as odd that, per her husband’s instructions, she twice lived in harems, situations that assured the couple’s safety and added to their wealth. Before I forget, she told Abraham it would be okay to sleep with Hagar so that he could have an heir. As we know, he did. Was Hagar looked on as Wife #2, or was she still just Sarah’s maidservant? Was it okay to commit adultery back in the day?

Eventually, Isaac was born to Abraham and Sarah. When he grew to manhood, he married Rebekah, and from all accounts, she was beautiful, and he loved her very much. They had two sons, Esau who was his father’s favorite and Jacob who was his mother’s. Determined that Jacob receive his father’s blessing, Rebekah and Jacob hatched a scheme to deceive Isaac. The deception worked. Is Rebekah a good role model for what a loving wife should be?

Years pass, and Jacob marries Leah, not because he wants to but because he was tricked into it. His heart belonged to Rachel, Leah’s sister, and he married her too. Seems to me the household would already be full enough, but he also had relations with his wives’ servants, Zilpah and Bilhah. In fact, these women gave birth to four of the heads of the 12 tribes of Israel. So is it okay to have several wives?

I’m not getting into the David and Bathsheba story. I’ve already mentioned them in an earlier post. Instead, I’m going to bring up Abigail, David’s wife whom he met while she was married to Nathan. He didn’t meet her in the same context that he met Bathsheba, however. Abigail’s husband had been rude and dismissive with David’s army, and when Abigail heard the news, she knew she had to do something to save their hides. Unbeknownst to her husband, she took provisions to David and his men. Nathan died soon thereafter, and David sent for Abigail. Is it okay to go behind your husband’s back when you know he’s done something really stupid?

Solomon had 1,000 wives and concubines. What’s up with that? How can people gloss over that little fact when they condemn the Mormons for practicing polygamy in the early days of the church? At least the men who had more than one wife supported and protected them. I recently realized that Hannah's husband had another wife. And Esther? Well, I won't go there tonight either.

All this thinking is giving me a headache. I’ll get back to it later.Right now I'm just wondering where we got our ideas about the ideal marriage.

Living the Dream

I’ve often remarked that the combination of religion and psychology has saved my life on innumerable occasions. Okay, maybe they haven’t saved my life, but they’ve certainly made it more enjoyable and comprehensible. I’ve gained insight, latched on to hope, been courageous, and exercised faith because of something I’ve read in either the Scriptures or in some psychological publication. I’d go as far as to say that religion and psychology overlap in many instances, especially those that indicate how to live a better life.


Here’s an example. Remember the story of the ten virgins? Five of them dutifully filled their lamps with oil, and the other five did not. I don’t know whether they thought they’d do it later and were simply procrastinating or whether they didn’t really think the bridegroom was really coming that night. Or maybe they thought their "sisters" would share a little oil with them. The point is that they weren’t prepared. At one time in my life, I thought of how selfish the prepared five were, but then I realized that you can’t live on another person’s light, oil, hard word, education, or testimony. You have to fill your own lamp.

Lately, I’ve begun looking at this story in another way. God gave them and us certain talents and aptitudes, and I sincerely believe that He intends for us to develop and use them. Interestingly, discovering and developing gifts and propensities falls squarely in the camp of positive psychology, a field that emphasizes positive human values like personal growth, optimism, and well-being.

What is your passion? What activities do you enjoy doing? What skills would you improve on if only you had the time? What would you like to learn more about if time and money were not hindrances? What’s your dream job? Are you willing to do what it takes to make that dream a reality? Those are all questions within the positive psychology realm.

Could discovering potential and developing it to the max be akin to the five wise virgins? What about the other five who failed to fill their lamps with oil? Are they like the thousands and thousands of people who live lives of frustration and unfulfilled promise?

Solomon's Women

I have tremendous respect for the women in the Bible. The more I read and ponder, the more I can see them in me. They weren’t perfect, and neither am I. Just like the women of today, Rachel, Esther, and Hannah all had their challenges and trials, and all showed great faith in the choices they made and the lives they led.


This post, however, isn’t about one of the major players. It’s about “nobodies,” the 1,000 women who were King Solomon’s wives or concubines. As I go about my daily life, I often stop and think about how much freedom I have…how much “everything” I have.

• I can pretty much come and go whenever I want to. Could these women leave the palace grounds, or were their lives restricted to the royal residence?

• I have my own home that I can decorate any way that I choose, even if it means having canary yellow walls and cobalt blue leather furniture. Did these women even have their own rooms?

• I have three wonderful children and six grandchildren. Did these women have children? Were they allowed to raise them, or was it sort of a communal project?

• When the wives and concubines became older, were they “dismissed” and never summoned into the king’s presence? Did Solomon provide a pension of sorts for his older wives?

• I have a career that continues to bring a lot of satisfaction, fulfillment, and even fun into my life. Although teaching gets stressful and taxing at times, the positives far outnumber the negatives. What did these 1,000 women do all day every day??? Could they even read?

I’m thankful that I was born in America, the best nation on Earth, during the latter part of the 19th century after so many courageous women had paved the way for me to have an easier, more fulfilling life. Had I been born even 100 years earlier, I think I might have stomped around angry and frustrated and powerless. Had I been one of Solomon’s chosen women, I think I would have shriveled up and died.

Which is Harder?

Time is short this morning since my to-do list  is rather lengthy. Yes, even on MLK day, there are things to accomplish. True, the items are walking on the beach, reading my Kindle, and joining one of my daughters for lunch, and while those activities aren't exactly the same as "barges to load and bales to lift," they’re of great importance to me. But I digress.

At church yesterday, we were discussing sacrifice, and of course several Bible stories were included as examples. Time prohibits the discussion of all of them, so I’m including three of the primary ones.
First is the story of Abraham’s willingness to kill his beloved son Isaac. Remember, he and Sarah were advanced in years when this child entered their lives. Abraham was 100! You know his heart was hurting all the way to Mount Moriah where he finally tied his son down, ready to do what God had bidden. At the last moment, an angel intervened, and Isaac's life was spared. I’ve often wondered if Sarah knew where her husband and only son were heading when they left the homestead that morning.

Then there was the story of the rich young ruler who wanted to follow Christ. He was apparently a good man who followed the commandments. However, when Christ told him that he’d have to give up everything that he owned, he couldn’t do it. Could you??? I’m not even rich, and I don’t think I could do it. I mean, everything????

And finally there’s the story of the widow’s mite. She literally gave everything she had. What faith! What trust she had to sacrifice everything for the Lord. While I’ve always admired her sacrifice, I must admit that I’ve also felt a bit uneasy with the story, primarily because I don’t think I could do it. I don’t think I could give up everything.

In two of the three stories, the principal characters were willing to sacrifice BIG TIME. In the other, the rich ruler was willing to live a life of integrity but he simply could not give up his material possessions. While we were all pondering Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice Isaac, someone brought up the question of whether it was harder for a rich person to sacrifice everything than for a poor person (like the widow). I voted yes, but several people disagreed. They felt it would be far more difficult for a poor person since she had so little to begin with.

I’m not trying to settle an argument. There are no right and wrong answers. Both stories are in the Bible, and both are given as illustrations of sacrifice and commitment. It’s been my experience that people who have fewer material possession are often more humble. They seek God’s guidance and inspiration in their daily lives and realize that without Him, they’re sunk. At the same time, many wealthy people forget the sources of their many blessings and think they did it all themselves.

Yes, the above are both overgeneralizations. I’m just wondering what you think. Is it harder for a poor person or a rich person to sacrifice all he or she has? And while we’re on the subject, is sacrificing everything what God expects or is He happy with 10 percent?

What's Her Name??

I spent a lot of time with my oldest daughter Carrie this past weekend, and we had some good conversations, especially when my daughter-in-law Amanda joined in our chats. At one point, Carrie was reminiscing about the days when her 7-year-old was a toddler suffering from acid reflux. Nothing seemed to soothe him, and on top of the demands of a crying baby, she had a big dog to take care of. The dog, Sandy, lived inside the house and was forever shedding hair and bumping into things.


At another time during the weekend, Carrie talked about what a breeze it was to pack for only one person for the weekend trip: herself. Anyone who’s ever had a family knows that taking a vacation with them can be stressful, especially when it comes to purchasing the appropriate clothes and making sure everything is laundered and packed. If the vacation involves camping, well then there’s the additional challenge of meal planning and food purchasing.

What has all of this to do with one of Eve’s sisters? Plenty! Although this woman in the Bible goes unnamed, I’ve lately begun to think a lot about her. What was Noah’s wife’s name, and how in the world did she do the planning, packing, and preparation needed for the time on the ark? It rained for 40 days, right? And then they were on the ark an additional 150 days waiting for the water to recede enough for them to leave the ship. In my wildest dreams (or nightmares), I cannot imagine such an ordeal.

For starters, what did Noah, his wife, his sons, and his sons’ wives eat for 40 days? And how did they prepare it? There were no microwaves! Would cooking over a fire be too dangerous? Did they bathe? Did Noah’s wife and daughters-in-law wash clothes? If so, how? What did the animals eat? Incidentally, I read a guesstimate that suggested as many as 45,000 animals were aboard the ark! Geez Louise! Can you imagine the stench?! When Carrie was talking about her dog Sandy, we both talked about the “dog smell.” Although he was frequently bathed, Sandy smelled like the dog he was, and as mentioned above, he shed all over the place. He didn’t have many “accidents” since he was trained, but what if he’d been living on an ark and unable to go outside for a walk?

To add to the 45,000 animals on the ship with you for months, think about what you’d do all day everyday. It’s not as though they were reading or watching television or playing with a Wii. I suspect that everyone aboard was working to take care of the animals. How did they even know night from day? I think I read that there was a window, but still….but still. For 40 days and 40 nights, it’s raining like crazy, and you can’t really see outside. Plus, it’s probably pretty smelly inside, and all you get to do is work.

Before I get too carried away with this, I’ll just say that my lifestyle is one of incredible ease compared to that of this unnamed woman who probably worked just as hard as he did  to make the whole “Noah’s Ark” experience successful. While there are millions of women who care for animals, live in areas where there are monsoons, and live lives of drudgery, I can think of nowhere in the world where they endured what Noah’s wife and her daughters-in-law did.

Aunt Doc, a.k.a. Dorcas

It started with a conversation about Aunt Doc, a.k.a. Dorcas. I was telling Paul and Amanda a little bit about her, my grandmother’s oldest sister. A seamstress and smart lady, she lived to be mid-90 (not sure of the exact age). Her husband died at a relatively young age leaving her with a daughter to raise, and she never remarried. I used to go to North Carolina with my grandparents often as a child, and we’d always stay at her house. From my youthful vantage point, it seemed that my grandmother and her sisters all looked up to Aunt Doc and admired her greatly. A sharp business woman, she was a seamstress who owned her own shop downtown.

Anyway, as I was telling Paul and Amanda about her, they looked at each other with that “aha” expression, and he said, “Yeah, we did some genealogy work about her and wondered what kind of name that was. We weren’t even sure how to pronounce it.”

“I don’t know how to pronounce her name either,” I admitted. “I always called her Aunt Doc.”

“But Dorcas…what kind of name is that?” Paul persisted.

“Well, I don’t know what her parents were thinking, but I do know that Dorcas was a pretty well-respected woman in the New Testament.” I replied. “She was even called a disciple.”

Naturally, I couldn’t think of the exact scripture at that moment, but later I looked it up. Acts 9: 36 – 43 tells her story.

The Dorcas in Acts was a seamstress like Aunt Doc, and she evidently did a lot of good for other people and was greatly loved. I’m saying that based on the weeping and wailing that went on in her room after her death. Her friends sent for Peter, who upon his arrival, asked the widows and grief stricken friends to leave the room. After praying, he then brought her back to life, and although that’s the last time we read about Dorcas, I like to think that she spent several more years “doing good” and sewing for others.

Last week, our ward’s Relief Society tied quilts for the Ronald McDonald house, and when I saw the pictures, I thought, “Wow! We have at least a dozen Dorcases in our ward.” I wasn’t there that night, and I can’t sew well enough to make clothing or quilts. I can, however, support those who do, including my daughter Carrie who has caught the sewing bug and has created many articles of clothing for her children. Above is a photo of Braden and Brooke sporting their new pajama pants.

The world has need of more Dorcases. Just because she’s only given two verses in the New Testament, it doesn’t mean that she wasn’t important. I think her life had great significance and that we could all learn a lesson or two from her.

Thanks, Mr. Tyndale

Sunday’s Relief Society lesson went well if I do say so myself, not because of anything I did but because of two other reasons: the topic itself and the people in the class. Scripture study was the topic, and class members were as attentive and participative as always. They’re such a delightful group that I think if I said, “Today the lesson’s about the 12 tribes of Israel, and I’m feeling a little inadequate,” they’d come to my rescue…not because they’re a room of know-it-alls and show-offs but because they know why we’re there: to love, encourage, and support one another. After all, they're Eve's sisters.

The lesson was about scripture(s), and as I began to read and prepare, I was amazed at the things I learned and the things I was reminded of. Admittedly, I often take the scriptures for granted. I think most people do. Yet there was a time in the not too far distant past when ordinary people like us didn’t have access to the Bible, much less any other books of scripture.

In my preparation, I learned of a man named William Tyndale who was strangled and then burned at the stake for translating and publishing the Bible in English. This happened in 1536, not even 500 years ago, and while that seems like a long time, it really isn’t. An educated man, Tyndale spoke eight languages and was a member of the Catholic clergy. Distressed that the common man had no access to the scriptures, Tyndale sought church approval to translate the Bible into English. After being denied approval, he fled to Germany, and with the help of friends, translated and published the Old and New Testaments and smuggled published copies into England. Tyndale’s work is the foundation for the King James Version of Bible.

William Tyndale isn’t the only person to whom we owe a debt of gratitude, but he’s the one I’m thinking of this afternoon. I’m thinking of how this man was willing to sacrifice his life because of his unwavering commitment to make the words of God available for all people…or at least the English speaking ones. And yet today many people take this great book for granted…or perhaps don’t even realize its importance. It sits on a shelf gathering dust instead of enlightening the minds of its owners.

Today we not only have the King James Version of the Bible, but we also have several other versions. On my shelf is a version of the New Testament entitled The Message which reads like a narrative. I also have a copy of the Women’s Devotional Bible, a gift from my sister. Being LDS, I have copies of The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price. I can also access the words from all of these books (and many more) online. Heck, I can even have daily scripture messages sent to my hotmail address, and they show up on my cell phone. How convenient is that? I truly have no excuse not to read and ponder.

It occurs to me that one of the reasons the scriptures are so readily available is that perhaps God is trying to send us a message. Maybe He thinks we need instruction, inspiration, guidance, and peace more than ever. I love the Young Women’s theme this year, probably because of the encouragement it offers. The theme comes from Joshua 1:9, and it fills me with hope. “Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”

Be strong. Be tough. Be strong. You’re not alone…not ever.

More Mary, Less Martha

Sometimes all people want is to be heard. A couple of weeks ago, my father-in-law passed away, and as several of us were standing outside of his room, an elderly gentleman walked up and said something like, “I know what you’re going through.” He and I looked at each other eyeball to eyeball, and when he knew that I was listening, he told me that his wife of many decades that died three months earlier, somewhat unexpectedly. I could have said, “Can’t you see that we’re sort of tied up with our own sorrow right now?” but I didn’t. Along with a couple of other people, I just stood there and listened.

I’ve often pondered over the brevity of Mary and Martha story in Luke. Although short, it contains many lessons, primarily the one about keeping our eyes, ears, hearts, and minds centered on the words of Christ. That short passage in Luke has prompted many discussions among my female friends as we struggle to balance the demands of our families and homes with the need to search, ponder, and pray.

This past week I learned yet another way to interpret the Mary/Martha story. When Christ tells Martha that Mary is about the “better part,” I think that he’s referring to her state of attentive mindfulness in general. Not only is he telling the sisters that listening to His words is important, but He’s also implying that we need to adopt that attitude when with our loved ones…and anyone else who’s in need of a listener.

Within our homes, there is often space and separation when there could be connectedness and communication. We talk and listen, but we do it with our heads and not our hearts. We discuss bills, dinner plans, the weather, and the latest movies, but we avoid feelings and dreams. We’re always flitting about hither, thither, and yon when perhaps our time would be better spent just listening, being fully present. Without being judgmental, impatient, or “cumbered about,” we need to sit quietly in the presence of these people in our lives.

Doesn’t Christ say that when you’ve done it unto the least of one of these, that we’ve done it unto Him? So while reading scriptures and praying is important, so is paying mindful attention to others. This week, I’ve been trying to follow Christ’s gentle instruction to Martha, and it’s SO HARD. I find myself wanting to rush in and finish sentences, go for a walk, or give advice. Part of my struggle is because of life in the 21st century with all of its craziness. Excuses aside, I’ve been instructed by the Master himself, so I’m earnestly going to try harder to be more patient and thoughtful.

Sometimes all people want is to be heard.

When You Stand With Me

Last night's introduction/orientation to Celestial University was awesome. I realize that awesome is probably an overworked word these days, but honestly, it fits here. I'm sitting here this morning wondering what to major in and whether I should pursue the terminal degree or stop after the BA. I'm also remembering Sophia's beautiful and seemingly effortless yoga demonstration. Loved the fruit too...and the numerous conversations with the women there, some zany and some serious and some artsy. Rather than create something new about Relief Society this morning, I decided to go to Musings of a Missionary Mom and find a entry that I could copy and paste.

Before pasting the entry, I also want to mention the first couple of lines from a hymn we're learning in our stake: "I may be one, but one becomes two when you stand with me and I stand with you." When put with the melody, those words and the others in the song are absolutely soul stirring. While I think of all of the women in this worldwide organization when hearing this song, I also think of my precious daughters and daughter-in-law. The picture above is of Carrie and Amanda modeling their aprons at Christmas.

Okay, here goes: "I love Relief society. That's no secret to anyone who knows me, church member or not. The first time I attended was one Sunday morning three decades ago when the teacher was teaching a cultural Refinement lesson on Sri Lanka. "Huh? What is this?" I wondered. It seemed too good to be true...just like school but no tests. Plus, I loved the variety of women in the room, old and young, short and tall, rich and poor, single and married. We had one thing in common: we were all daughters of a Heavenly Father who loved us, and among our many roles in life were those to love, support, and encourage one another.

That was many years ago, and the curriculum has changed to more accurately reflect the church's growing and increasingly diverse membership. We don't have Cultural Refinement lessons anymore,and yet we always learn something useful, edifying, or inspirational in our meetings. The topics vary from stress management and keeping an orderly home to the necessity of prayer and the importance of scripture study. I've never come away without learning something that would improve the quality not only of my own life but those of my family, friends, and acquaintances.

As an example, in my develometnalal psychology classes, a frequently occuring topic is discipline. While it's helpful to know that assertive discipline is effective and that a parent should be consistent, fair, and immediate in administering consequences, the advice of Brigham Young that I picked up in a Sunday meething has proven most helpful to me: "Bring up your children in the love and fear of the Lord; study their dispositons and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly, never allowing yourself to correct them in the heat of yor passion; teach them to love you rather than to fear you."'

For those of you who were in attendance last night, you might be interested in knowing that I've already begun working on the theology requirement for the degree. Still haven't decided on my major yet. Is there an academic advisor out there??

Freedom to Choose

I feel okay about the lesson I taught in Relief Society earlier today. No, wait, let me rephrase that. I think the lesson that the sisters and I taught in Relief Society went well today. In our ward, we “never walk alone,” so to speak. Anyone who’s ever taught in Camden knows that she can count on relevant participation from the class. Whether it’s sharing a story, reading a scripture, adding insight, or answering a question, we help each other.

Today the lesson was entitled “Freedom to Choose,” and before I’d gone too far into the lesson, Anita mentioned that while we’re free to choose our behavior, we’re not free to choose the consequence. So true! Hoping that someone would say that, I had actually put a stick in my bag as a visual aid. I held up the stick and said, “You can’t pick up one end of a stick without picking up the other.” You can’t choose a course of action without also picking up a consequence.

Naturally, we want the consequences to be good ones. We want to feel peace, joy, happiness, discernment, and the presence of the Holy Ghost as our companion. How can we do this? It’s simple. We need to learn and obey the commandments. From the lesson manual, God’s “commandments direct us away from danger and towards eternal life. We will gain exaltation, progress eternally, and enjoy perfect happiness.” Is there anyone out there who doesn’t want that??? I think it was Brigham Young who so aptly said, “If you want to enjoy the favor of our Heavenly Father, do His will.”

And how do you know His will? You search, ponder, and pray. You read scriptures, listen to uplifting talks, read inspirational literature, contemplate what you’ve read, and pray. Pray for guidance, for help with your family, for answers to questions, for clarity of thought, and for anything else you need. There’s nothing too small (or too large) to take to God in prayer.

Sometimes people get exasperated and impatient when they don’t immediately receive positive consequences for their choices. They don’t realize that there’s most often a space between the action and the consequence. As President Ezra Taft Benson said, “One of the trials of life is that we do not usually receive immediately the full blessing for righteousness or the full cursing for wickedness. That it will come is certain, but ofttimes there is a waiting period that occurs, as was the case with Job and Joseph.”

This post could go on and on, but I need to wrap it up and go for a walk. In the meantime, thanks to Joann, Cookie, Willette, Anita, Vickie, Martha, Cookie, Joy, Brenda and Sue for your comments and to the rest of the class for their attentiveness. We’re all in this together, and it’s wonderful to be a part of a sisterhood that helps me make good choices.

Dig a Little Deeper

Early mornings are my quiet times. They’re almost sacrosanct, and I don’t want to hear television, radio, or even a human voice until I’ve had some quiet moments to read something uplifting and write in my journal. One particular morning, however, I clicked on the television to check the weather…something I never do. While trying to find the weather channel, I discovered a female televangelist talking about something that interested me.

Intrigued by her manner and message, I actually plopped down on the couch to hear what she had to say. Holding something black and somewhat ugly in her hands, she proceeded to turn the substance around to reveal something beautiful inside, lavender glistening rock-like material. She then went on to ponder aloud why God would put something so lovely deep within something so unappealing. To get to the treat within, someone had to dig a little deeper, to chip at the surface until the black exterior disappeared to reveal the treasure within. I flipped the channel in search of weather news, and yet the concept stayed with me.

Diamonds, one of the hardest and most beautiful substances known to man, have to be mined. So do gold and silver. Oil, a precious commodity, is beneath the surface of the earth and must be drilled. Water is beneath the earth. This is also true with people in that you can't judge by appearances. Some fascinating, brilliant, interesting folks live behind less than glamourous facades; you just have to dig a little to discover what gems they are.

What I'm wondering this afternoon is how we can think that an understanding of gospel priniciples is going to come to us if we don't actually read, ponder, and pray. What good is it to have scriptures and other inspirational books and magazines if we never avail ourselves of them? How can we expect to know of God's will for our lives without asking Him and waiting for the answer(s)? Just beneath the surface, there are all sorts of treasures, but I think we need to dig a little deeper to discover them.