Lucy's Advice

I don’t have much time for a long discourse about the virtues, personalities, or trials of the women in the Bible this evening. However, I just can’t stop thinking about Sunday and some of the things that Donna shared with us, and I feel inspired to share them tonight. Always creative in her approach, she gave everyone a stocking containing a quote, a candy cane, and an edible treat. Towards the end of her lesson, she asked me to read my quote aloud, and I gladly complied. It’s one of my favorites, and I’m going to share and expound on it just a little.

“We must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain instruction, that we may all sit down in heaven together.” Lucy Mack Smith

Donna then looked around the room and asked us to tell what each of those phrases meant to us. Although I’ve read and heard that quote literally dozens of times, it still touches my heart. I wish women everywhere could feel a closeness within a sisterhood like Relief Society. I glanced around the room that day and knew for a fact that every single woman present tried in her own way to follow Lucy Smith’s advice. As various class members began describing what the phrases meant to them, I was even more grateful to be part of such a worldwide sisterhood.

Cherish one another. We hold one another in high esteem, knowing that regardless of our life circumstances, propensities, or little quirks, we’re all daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves us. Here’s an example. A couple of years ago, I went to the library one Sunday afternoon, and I saw Shawna, one of my Relief Society sisters, and one of her daughters. We chatted a few moments and parted company but not before sharing a spontaneous hug. I think it was the first time I’ve ever hugged anyone in a library before!

Watch over one another. If someone is absent, we are prompted to give her a call or send her a card. The visiting teaching program is a divinely inspired program that's designed so that every single sister will have some sort of contact each month. Whether it’s a phone call, a visit, or a card, the contact is supposed to happen on a monthly basis. We’re not perfect, so sometimes life and general busyness get in the way of our contacts. Still, we’re working on it. Me included.

Comfort one another. Comforting involves more than watching from afar. To comfort, one needs to move in a little closer. It involves putting your arms around someone and encircling her with love and care and casseroles.

Gain instruction. Instruction can come in the form of classes such as the one Donna taught Sunday, or it can be by example. In addition to learning gospel principles, I’ve learned about cake decorating, freezing vegetables, knitting, smocking, make up application, jewelry making, journaling, and hair braiding. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

That we may all sit down in heaven together. It’s going to be great!

These women are modern day Eves. Like Naomi, some have lost their husbands and/or children, and like Hannah, some are praying for a child. Like Rachel, some are beautiful and much loved by their husbands while others, like Leah, struggle to win the affection of their partners. I looked around the room Sunday and spied a couple of Dorcases who always (and I mean always) go about doing kind deeds for others. Like Hagar, some have been mistreated, and there are at least a couple who, like Lot’s wife, struggle with leaving the past behind. As I write this tonight, it occurs to me that every single woman who was present on Sunday has a good portion of Esther’s courage.

Regardless of age, bank balance, race, ethnicity, education, marital status, talents, or any other variable, we all see the need to cherish, watch over, and comfort one another. I wonder how Kitty is adjusting to her new ward. Maybe I'll give her a call tomorrow. And if I have time, maybe I'll bake some cookies for Stacy's children. There's a sympathy card I need to send too...or maybe I'll visit instead.

Fight in TJ Maxx

I keep reliving a scene I witnessed a few weeks ago. I was in one of my favorite retail establishments in Myrtle Beach when I heard a loud, angry voice. It was coming from a man standing in the aisle who was evidently upset with the way the young woman he was with had disciplined a child. He used the f-word a couple of times and then added the b-word to it. By this time, the small child was crying, and the woman was talking back. Actually, they seemed pretty evenly matched as far as their yelling obscenities skills were concerned. Neither seemed aware of the sobbing child, and as they walked away towards the door, both were still hurling insults and threats


Everyone around me stopped to gawk. It’s not that we wanted to. We just didn’t know what to do or if we should do anything. A woman looking at the same merchandise that I was said, “Look at my arms! There are goose bumps everywhere!” Seriously, you could have heard a pin drop.

One of my daughters was with me but had opted to stay in car. When I rejoined her, she said, “Mama, you wouldn’t believe what I just saw.” She proceeded to tell me about the fighting couple and what had happened in the parking lot. The young woman had physically attacked him and walked off with the child, and the man had stomped off in a different direction.

Where is this young woman today? Is she raising the child alone? Was the verbally abusive young man the father of the child? Are they married? Are they still together? If so, is it because she has no recourse at the moment, or is it because she genuinely loves the guy? Did my little window of into their lives reveal a rare moment of anger, or was that typical of their lives? Why didn’t either of them notice the sobbing child?

What I think is that women who are abused, neglected, hurt, cast aside, downtrodden, abandoned, or depressed have a God who loves them. I also think that sometimes emotional and psychological pain can be so horrific and overwhelming that a person can’t think straight, much less feel His spirit. All she can do is feel distress and despair, and unless someone helps her, her life could continue a downward spiral.

Several women in the Bible suffered rejection, sadness, betrayal, and heartache. For starters, there’s Hagar who, at Sarah’s request, was banished by Abraham to the desert with her son Ishmael. It’s not as though they were sent on a trip. They were sent there to die! Sure, Abraham sent them away with bread and a bottle of water, but how long was that supposed to last? Fortunately for Hagar, God saved their lives and promised to make Ishmael “a great nation.” (Genesis 21:18)

And there’s Tamar, the beautiful daughter of David who was raped by her half-brother Amnon. Using the ruse of illness, he requested that she bring food to his room, and although she begged him not to, he raped his half-sister. After the rape, Amnon “hated her exceedingly” and told her to “Arise, be gone.” (2 Samuel 13:15) Tamar is devastated by this act, and although her father David is angry about it, he apparently does nothing. Her brother Absalom takes her into his home, and two years later, he arranges for Amnon’s death (2 Samuel 13:28). I’ve often wondered whether Amnon’s murder affected Tamar’s well-being.

Fast forward to the New Testament, specifically the 8th chapter of John in which scribes and Pharisees bring Christ a woman caught in the act of adultery. As an aside, I’ve often wondered who and where her partner was. Her accusers remind Christ that according to Mosaic law, she should be stoned. He ponders for a moment, writes something in the sand, and then instructs whoever is without sin to cast the first stone. Just He and the accused woman are left, and He says, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.”

What all three of these instances share with that of the young woman in TJ Maxx is that they each portray a woman who is downtrodden, betrayed, shunned, ridiculed, or hurt. While I don’t profess to know how it works, I know that His love is available to all women. Neither condemning nor chastising, He is there.

Amazing Grace

My sister went to a Bible study last week, and Hagar was the topic. You remember her, right? She was Sarah’s servant, the one Sarah “gave” to Abraham so that he/they could have a son. Once while Hagar was expecting and then later when the child was much older, Sarah told Abraham to get Hagar out of her sight. Was she jealous? Angry? I don’t know. I just know that twice the “bondswoman” was banished to the desert, and twice God called her by name and told her what to do.


To Sarah, she was a servant. Apparently (although I could be misinterpreting this), Abraham felt the same way. To God, however, she had a name and a destiny. He was very much aware of her dire circumstances when He spoke to her and told her what to do to save her own life and that of her child’s. Hagar listened.

“Don’t you get it?” my sister Ann asked. “God knew her by name, just like he knows all of us.”

I’ve been thinking of Hagar off and on all week and of how we all have names and missions. We’re not all aware of our gifts and opportunities, however. Maybe we have too much of a bondswoman’s mentality and don’t realize our divine worth. Or then maybe we just don’t listen when He speaks.

When I saw Oprah’s final show on Wednesday, I couldn’t help but think of how that lady has always listened to His voice. I wish I’d watched Oprah more often. Because of work and general “busyness," I never had the opportunity to sit and watch a single show all the way through until Wednesday. Sure, I’ve seen bits and pieces of Oprah over the years, and I’ve often pored over her magazine. And I loved her performance in The Color Purple. Her star quality shone through in Beloved too. My friend Jeanita and I even talked about going to Chicago and trying to get on her show. It never happened, and now it’s too late.

It’s not too late, however, to learn more about this remarkable woman and the gifts she has given to the world. I’m not just talking about cars and scholarships. I’m talking about wisdom, hope, and encouragement. As a friend of mine commented the other day, “Say what you will about Oprah. She’s done more than any human I’ve ever known to share love and largesse.” Martha’s right, of course. Oprah’s generosity of spirit and pocketbook are unparalleled.

As I watched her on stage Wednesday, beautiful and stylish in her pink dress and heels, I marveled at her strength, determination, and intellect. What is it that sets her apart from the rest of us? In addition to her phenomenal gifts, I think it’s also the hand of God AND her awareness of it. I loved it when she acknowledged His constant presence and guidance in her life. He’s there for all of us, even if we don’t know it...or if we know it but don’t give Him credit.

This morning I went online to read a little more about Oprah, and I saw a video clip of Stedman who surprised her at a gala the other night. He walked on stage and basically said, “It really does amaze me that I get to be around a woman who changes peoples' lives every day and who also takes her own lunch to work. I cannot, honey, believe that a colored girl from the backwoods of Mississippi has done all that you have done ... I love you for making a difference in my life."

Stedman then told her something that they both knew, that she’s done it all through God’s amazing grace. She might have some time in the desert, but Oprah, like Hagar, recognized and listened to God’s promptings. Don’t you think it would work for the rest of us? I’ll never be a star, but I know He knows my name.