Special Affinities

Hearing giggles and muffled conversation, I had to go and check things out for myself. What was going on? When I walked into the room, I spied my daughter Elizabeth carefully polishing her nieces’ tiny toenails. Excited at their fuchsia colored nails, they were sitting perfectly still while Elizabeth worked her magic. Brooke and Emma both adore their aunt, but it seems to me that there’s a special bond between Elizabeth and Emma Elizabeth. Is it because of their names? No, I don’t think so. Is it because they’re both girlie girls? No, I think it’s deeper than that, something more mystifying.


One of the topics studied by social psychologists is the mysterious attraction that exists between individuals. For reasons beyond my comprehension, there’s often an affinity between two people that not even psychology can explain. Sometimes they’re related, and sometimes they’re not. My sister-in-law Becky shares no DNA with my daughter Elizabeth, and yet the two of them seem connected in a special way. My niece Sarah Beth and I are kindred spirits. It could be our love of fashion, art, and all things a little offbeat. Then there are friends, those people who waltz into our lives and somehow connect with us in a way that the other thousands of people in our community and workplace didn’t or couldn’t.

Pondering these relationships gives me a tiny bit more insight into Mary, the mother of Christ, and her cousin Elisabeth. I’ve always been perplexed about why Mary chose to go and visit Elisabeth and spend three months with her before she even told Joseph about the baby she was carrying. I don’t even know whether she told her mother before she spoke with Elisabeth. Did she not have a friend she could confide in? The scriptures are silent on the WHY. All we know for certain is that when Elisabeth saw Mary, her son John leapt within her womb, and somehow Elisabeth knew that her young cousin was also carrying a child. Not just any child, but THE CHILD.

I’m wondering if these special affinities we have for some people exist for a reason. Perhaps we’re meant to take special care of each other, to listen without judgment, and to fill in the gap(s) that no one else can .Even the most loving of mothers can’t understand everything about their children. Sometimes their temperaments are different, and sometimes they just flat out don’t have the time.

Gifts Differing

I walked into the library and met my friend Sue coming out. She was armed with some books about sewing and quilting and was super excited about a new project she's beginning. She facilitates a “sit and sew” class at church occasionally, and although I’ve never been, I think it must be fun for the people who attend. You know who I’m talking about, the ones who are talented with a needle, thread, and fabric. Not this gal. I went through a season of it, but at the moment, I have other things on my plate.

I was a little afraid that Sue was going to encourage me to come to her class, but she didn’t. Maybe she’s given up on me, or maybe she’s added so much more to her own platter that she doesn’t have time to teach the class anymore. Whatever the reason, she didn’t bring it up. Instead we talked about writing, and I think she and her husband are going to organize some ideas they have and put them in a book. We chatted about e-publishing before parting ways.

Since my encounter with Sue, I’ve been thinking about many of the women I know and their various gifts.

• Kitty can do just about anything, but right now she’s into genealogy and regularly teaches a class about finding ancestors.
• Connie, my artistic friend, can draw and take gorgeous photographs.
• So can Christi, a young friend who has her own photography business.
• Elizabeth and Kelly are middle school teachers. My hat is off to them!
• My husband’s mother and sister are two of the best cooks in the South. Me? I’d give myself between a C and a low B.
• My husband’s daughters were star athletes when they were younger, and I couldn't hit a basketball with a softball bat, much less that tiny little ball.
• My niece Katherine can open her mouth, and music comes out. It’s incredible.
• My daughter-in-law Amanda can play the piano like nobody’s business.

What I’m getting at is that it’s okay to be who we are without having to make excuses for who or what we are not. For evidence, all we have to do is look at a few of the women in the Bible. Rachel was beautiful, and although her sister Leah wasn’t, Leah gave birth to six of Jacob’s sons. Is beauty overrated? Deborah was a judge. Good for Deborah. The world needs women who are judges. It also needs women who can sing, sew, take pictures, prepare meals, play basketball, run businesses, write, dance, grow flowers, can vegetables, and teach children of the next generation.

I can’t sing or teach small children, at least not very well. I feel inadequate when I read about the virtuous woman in Proverbs who could do everything with aplomb and apparent ease. I’m not her, and neither are you, but who we are is fine.

Egyptian Mother

According to every reputable source available, four in ten births in America are to unwed mothers. That boggles my mind! I don't profess to know all of  the many reasons behind this societal change. Sometimes couples need more time to develop their relationship and their bank account before tying the knot. Sometimes there was never an intention to marry, especially now that the era of “shotgun weddings” appears to be history. Then too, often these births occur among women in their 20’s and 30’s who are independent and resourceful enough to raise a child on their own.

I think many of these moms could use some help every now and then. Semester after semester I teach young women whose “baby daddies” have moved on, leaving them to provide food, clothing, shelter, medical care, and TLC for the little ones. That’s where the rest of us can step in. There are thousands of children who need love and guidance and maybe a few extra material things too. They need someone who can provide things that their mothers don’t have time or resources for.

Thinking about this sociological phenomenon reminds me of a woman in the Bible who raised one of the most influential men in all history, a man whom the Lord knew “face to face.” This man was Moses, and the woman who raised him was Pharaoh’s daughter. Jochebed was his biological mother, and she trusted God enough to hide the infant Moses by the river’s brink when he was three months old. Had she not done so, he would likely have been killed.

Remember the story? Pharaoh’s daughter and her maidens went down to the river so that she could bathe, and while there, she spied the baby. When she looked at him, he cried, and she had compassion for the little one. Although she knew he was a Hebrew child and that all Hebrew baby boys were to be killed, she made arrangements to “adopt” him as her own.

Months passed, and according to the story in the second chapter of Exodus, Jochebed nursed him and then brought him to Pharaoh’s daughter. “And the child grew, and she brought him unto Pharaoh’s daughter, and he became her son. And she called his name Moses: and she said, Because I drew him out of the water.” (Verse 10) Although Jochebed’s heart was probably heavy that day, she knew what had to be done to save her son’s life.

Even though she was Pharaoh’s daughter, to me it seems that she took a big chance in raising him in the palace. Would he be recognized as Hebrew and not Egyptian? Was she single? If so, would there be gossip about the child's father? If married, what sort of understanding did she and her husband reach about Moses? Would her father not notice the child and have him killed? I don’t know much about the status of women during that era, but I don’t think being a princess was quite as exalted a role as it later became. She could have lost her life too!

Because of his life in the palace, Moses had advantages that would prepare him to eventually lead his people out of Egypt. Just imagine the education he received as a member of the royal household compared to the one he would have received had he stayed with his birth family. Plus, he learned firsthand about Egyptian culture, knowledge that would surely come in handy later in his life.

While this story occurred centuries ago, it has application to today’s world. I’m not a member of a royal household, but there are things I can do for children whose mothers are stressed and whose resources are stretched to the max. I can babysit, donate money to a women’s shelter, or even buy school supplies. The mothers we help don't necessarily have to be single either. Married moms have their share of challenges, even those with financial resources. They need support too.

I’m a grandmother and too old to adopt a child, but there are younger, more energetic people who could do so. I’ve read that many people who want to adopt a child would prefer one of their same race and/or ethnicity. But Moses was a Hebrew, and his mother was an Egyptian. Look how she changed his life!

Fight in TJ Maxx

I keep reliving a scene I witnessed a few weeks ago. I was in one of my favorite retail establishments in Myrtle Beach when I heard a loud, angry voice. It was coming from a man standing in the aisle who was evidently upset with the way the young woman he was with had disciplined a child. He used the f-word a couple of times and then added the b-word to it. By this time, the small child was crying, and the woman was talking back. Actually, they seemed pretty evenly matched as far as their yelling obscenities skills were concerned. Neither seemed aware of the sobbing child, and as they walked away towards the door, both were still hurling insults and threats


Everyone around me stopped to gawk. It’s not that we wanted to. We just didn’t know what to do or if we should do anything. A woman looking at the same merchandise that I was said, “Look at my arms! There are goose bumps everywhere!” Seriously, you could have heard a pin drop.

One of my daughters was with me but had opted to stay in car. When I rejoined her, she said, “Mama, you wouldn’t believe what I just saw.” She proceeded to tell me about the fighting couple and what had happened in the parking lot. The young woman had physically attacked him and walked off with the child, and the man had stomped off in a different direction.

Where is this young woman today? Is she raising the child alone? Was the verbally abusive young man the father of the child? Are they married? Are they still together? If so, is it because she has no recourse at the moment, or is it because she genuinely loves the guy? Did my little window of into their lives reveal a rare moment of anger, or was that typical of their lives? Why didn’t either of them notice the sobbing child?

What I think is that women who are abused, neglected, hurt, cast aside, downtrodden, abandoned, or depressed have a God who loves them. I also think that sometimes emotional and psychological pain can be so horrific and overwhelming that a person can’t think straight, much less feel His spirit. All she can do is feel distress and despair, and unless someone helps her, her life could continue a downward spiral.

Several women in the Bible suffered rejection, sadness, betrayal, and heartache. For starters, there’s Hagar who, at Sarah’s request, was banished by Abraham to the desert with her son Ishmael. It’s not as though they were sent on a trip. They were sent there to die! Sure, Abraham sent them away with bread and a bottle of water, but how long was that supposed to last? Fortunately for Hagar, God saved their lives and promised to make Ishmael “a great nation.” (Genesis 21:18)

And there’s Tamar, the beautiful daughter of David who was raped by her half-brother Amnon. Using the ruse of illness, he requested that she bring food to his room, and although she begged him not to, he raped his half-sister. After the rape, Amnon “hated her exceedingly” and told her to “Arise, be gone.” (2 Samuel 13:15) Tamar is devastated by this act, and although her father David is angry about it, he apparently does nothing. Her brother Absalom takes her into his home, and two years later, he arranges for Amnon’s death (2 Samuel 13:28). I’ve often wondered whether Amnon’s murder affected Tamar’s well-being.

Fast forward to the New Testament, specifically the 8th chapter of John in which scribes and Pharisees bring Christ a woman caught in the act of adultery. As an aside, I’ve often wondered who and where her partner was. Her accusers remind Christ that according to Mosaic law, she should be stoned. He ponders for a moment, writes something in the sand, and then instructs whoever is without sin to cast the first stone. Just He and the accused woman are left, and He says, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.”

What all three of these instances share with that of the young woman in TJ Maxx is that they each portray a woman who is downtrodden, betrayed, shunned, ridiculed, or hurt. While I don’t profess to know how it works, I know that His love is available to all women. Neither condemning nor chastising, He is there.

Six Little Words

As a woman, have you ever felt that you couldn’t or didn’t do enough for other people? We’re expected to keep our homes neat and tidy, look as good as we can with what we have, bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan, raise responsible children, perform charitable works, arrange flowers, plant gardens, can and freeze garden bounty, develop our talents, support our husbands, work on our inner vessels, and smile. The latter is especially important because, as I mentioned during my lesson in Relief Society yesterday, women set the emotional tone for a home.


I feel tired and maybe a little discouraged just writing that paragraph! However, my sis told me about a book that addresses how we can deal with the myriad expectations of women, and if I can find it on Amazon, I’m going to order it today. It’s based on the five words that Christ used to shush his disciples when they complained about the wastefulness of the woman who came into the home of Simon the leper and poured expensive ointment on Christ’s head.

They murmured that the money could have been used for the poor, and He reminded them that the poor would always be with them but that He would not. I read the passage (Mark 14: 3-8) in the King James Version of Bible this morning and found that in that translation verse 8 contains six words instead of five. After He tells the disciples to leave her alone, Christ says, “She hath done what she could.” I LOVE that!

Aren’t there times when you feel that you’re doing all you can??? It sure happens to me. And just when I feel that I'm doing all I can, something else will come along that I feel I should be doing too! Or I feel that maybe people are murmuring about my meager contributions. Those six little words are going to help me a lot.

Angelina and Oprah, two name recognition women, not only have millions, but they are willing to share their wealth with others. I’ll never start a school, adopt children, or give away cars, but I can share what I have whether it’s a few dollars for someone to get her eyebrows waxed or a pair of shoes for a grandchild. I can even smile more often. How hard can that be?

What we do doesn’t have to be of huge magnitude. If we all perform small acts of service in our own little spheres, I think Christ would be happy. Here are some things that crossed my mind this morning;

• Lib is the consummate baker, and she regularly bakes her special lemon pound cakes and delivers them to people to welcome them to the community, for Sunday dinner, or for whatever reason she deems deserving of a cake.

• My sister Ann, a math teacher, regularly tutors church members and family free of charge.

• The mother of my daughter’s former obstetrician knits hats for newborns.

• Several women of my acquaintance keep a stash of all occasion cards that they send to people who might need a little encouragement.

• A talented seamstress in our ward (church) has organized a “sit and sew” group that meets on a monthly basis. From what I can glean from the description, they work on individual projects and share ideas and expertise on creations ranging from aprons to quilting. I feel sort of guilty about not participating, especially since many of the projects are created to give to others, but I don’t enjoy sewing these days. I’d rather use my talents in another area and contribute fabric to the cause.

• Then there’s a woman who baby sits for busy moms so that they can scoot out to Wal-Mart or go to class.

Later this week I’m going to Rincon, GA to take care of my daughter’s four little children while their mom is in the hospital recovering from a C-section. That way, her husband can stay in the hospital with her. Yes, I know that’s not quite as magnanimous as moving to Rincon so that I can be more available, but well, just read Mark 14:8 and give me a break.

We’re all different and should do whatever we can without feeling guilty about what we can’t do. Can you send a card? Can you find the time to just sit and listen to one of your children, a parent, or a friend? Can you pay someone a compliment? I think it was Mark Twain who said he could live for two weeks on a good compliment. How hard is that to do??

My new mantra: She hath done what she could. Think of the multiplier effect and how much more pleasant things would be if everyone did what she could.

Watch Out!

I love my little grandchildren! In fact, I dote on them so much that I’ve picked up my friend Connie’s moniker of “granddarlings” when describing them. When I’m near them, I have a tendency to overindulge them, and when I’m away from them, I fret unnecessarily about whether they’re eating enough veggies and drinking enough milk.


I know that most grandmothers feel the same love and concern for their posterity as I do, and it makes me wonder why there aren’t more of them mentioned in the Bible. I could be wrong, but I think Lois is the only one. She’s Eunice’s mother and Timothy’s grandmother. She must have been quite a woman of faith to have been so influential in his life, and Paul praises her in a letter to Timothy, “When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice.” (II Timothy 1: 5)

I’m not claiming to have Lois’s spiritual stature. I'm just saying that a recent incident reminded me of just how influential I and other grandmothers can be.

My granddaughter Olivia had her first birthday last month, and she and her parents celebrated at my house. Using my iPhone, I took several short videos, and after viewing my favorite several times, I had the conversations and movements of my three granddaughters memorized. Only then did I begin zeroing in on the voice in the background, mine. As I followed the birthday girl and her pretty cousins from room to room, I constantly gave them warnings and instructions…in a loving way, of course.

As the video begins, Olivia is walking steadily across the kitchen, and as she nears the refrigerator, her gait is a bit wobbly, and it looks as though she might lose her balance. But no, she recovers quickly and moves towards the study. As she does so, the tiny tot realizes that there’s a threshold, a raised one that she must navigate. She puts her hand on the wall to steady herself and then takes a tentative step. In the background, Grandmama says, “Watch out, watch out. Be careful, Little One.”

A moment later, she’s rushing toward the kitchen again, this time with Brooke and Emma behind her. Once they’re all in the kitchen, Emma hugs her little cousin and when she releases her, Olivia falls. Undeterred, she immediately gets up and begins that race walking speed of hers. In the background, Grandmama says, “That’s right. Just get right back up and get going again.”

She heads to the bathroom and stares in through the open door. Remembering that she had locked herself in there earlier in the afternoon, Grandmama says to Brooke and Emma, “Watch out for her. She’s already locked herself in there once.” Her cousins do as instructed and rescue Olivia who then runs toward the study again. Once there, she plops down on the floor and pulls down a cookbook to look at. Grandmama can be heard in the background making a comment about reading.

In slightly over a minute, Grandmama has given some important life lessons:

• Watch out, especially when you’re walking over a threshold from one area of your life to another.
• Be careful.
• Get back up when you fall.
• Watch after each other.
• Delve into the books.

I’m not of shooting for the “Lois Award.” I’m just trying to be a good grandmother, and that short video shows that I’m on the right track. If a grandmother can say that much in slightly over a minute, just think what she (we) could do over a child's lifetime!

What about you? Are you a grandmother who’s involved in your grandchildren’s lives? Are there lessons that you're teaching by word and deed?

New Chapter

Life has its share of ups and downs, victories and losses. One day a person can be riding high, and the next she can topple and hit rock bottom. Fame, fortune, prestige, and even family can change suddenly, leaving a person bereaved and broken…at least temporarily. That’s what happened to Naomi. I can visualize her basking in the role as matriarch and then experiencing grief so deep that many would have given up and succumbed to a lifetime of sadness. Not Naomi. Her story is one of hope and triumph.

I know several women named Ruth but only one named Naomi. I’m wondering why that is. Naomi is actually a beautiful name, and the Biblical Naomi was definitely a strong woman and a good role model for all women. For some reason she’s overshadowed by Ruth, her loyal daughter-in-law. Yet without her relationship to Naomi, it’s doubtful that Ruth would have met and married Boaz, hence becoming part of the genealogy of Christ.

As an overview of the story, Naomi’s husband and both sons had been killed, and she was left in with her two daughters-in-law, Naomi and Orpah. Knowing that the two young women probably wanted to return to their homelands now that their husbands were dead, she gave them permission to leave. Orpah left, but Naomi stayed after saying, “Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go.” (Ruth 1:16)

The two women traveled to Bethlehem, and from the scriptures it becomes evident that Naomi feels bitter and empty when she says, “I went out full, and the Lord hath brought me home empty.” (verse 31) At some point Naomi instructed Ruth to glean in the fields of Boaz, a kinsman, thus laying the groundwork for a meeting and perhaps a romantic interest. Naomi’s plan worked. Ruth and Boaz married, and she gave birth to Obed…the grandfather of King David. It’s awesome to consider how Naomi’s life went from empty to full again!

Yesterday I was thinking of a widow with one child and one grandchild, both of whom live in a distant state. Rather than feel sorry for herself because of her husband’s premature death, she has chosen to do whatever it takes to secure employment in the city where her son and his family live. Now that I’m thinking about this topic, I can think of dozens of 1st century Naomis. There are women who’ve been “let go” from positions they’ve held for years, primarily because of age. And then there are those whose husbands have left them for younger models.

If Naomi could speak to these women and others who have lost something or someone important, I think she would say, “Be of good cheer. You just don’t know the good things that wait in store for you. Another chapter of your life is about to begin, and it’s going to be grand.”