Unnamed but Important

Since I’ve become interested in the women of the Bible and the many lessons they can teach us, I’ve realized that these lessons can come from every single woman, not just the major players like Eve, Esther, and Mary.  Even those whose names aren’t specifically mentioned in the scriptures, like the woman at the well or the woman caught in adultery, have a message to impart.

The unnamed woman I’m thinking of today is found in Matthew 15: 22-28, a Gentile who dared to ask Christ to heal her daughter. She cried unto Him and asked Him to have mercy upon her and to heal her daughter who was vexed with a devil. At first, Christ doesn’t answer her, and the disciples ask Him to send her away. Jesus allows her to speak, but His response is a bit surprising (at least to me), for he tells her that it isn’t “meet” to take the children’s bread and cast it to the dogs. Whether he really thinks that she’s on the level of a dog getting crumbs from beneath the table, I don’t know. What I do know is that her behavior exhibits faith, courage, humility, respect, persistence, and love.

Christ comments specifically on the Canaanite woman’s faith. “O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt.” Her other attributes are manifestations of this unwavering faith. If a person has faith, then she will ask and then ask again, boldly confident that her request will be granted. This brave woman is my new role model because of her many traits like:

Courage: Don’t you just know she was wary of approaching the Savior? As a Gentile, she had to be a little apprehensive about it, and yet if she let her fears keep her from making her humble request, her daughter would continue to be “vexed.” I used to (and still do!) tell my children: ALWAYS ASK! If you don’t ask, the answer is NO. Even if you do ask, it might still be no, but it might also be yes.

Humility and Respect: Realizing her humble status and His divine one, she called Him “O Lord, thou Son of David,” and later “Lord.” Do I really need to say more about this? He's the Master of ocean, earth, and sky; you're a human being. He deserves our utmost respect.

Persistence: When Christ told her that it wasn’t meet to take the children’s bread and cast it to the dogs, she didn’t slink away. Instead, she persevered and reminded him that dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table. We need to persist, to stand at the door and knock and knock and knock. Some people give up almost right away when their petitions aren't granted. Whether it's a request to our Creator or one to a boss, friend, child, parent, or any other mortal, we need to keep at it.

Love: Her child was suffering. If she, the mother, didn’t beseech help on her part, who would? I’d venture to say that the well-being and safety of our children comprise a large part of parents’ prayers. Even if they’re estranged from us or walking a crooked path, we are still under obligation to pray for them.

This humble Gentile woman asked in faith, and Christ granted her request. Although he didn’t immediately turn towards her with open arms as He did with so many who sought His favors, He recognized her faith and the other virtues related to it and answered her petition. I think I’m going to follow her example, starting now.

The Better Part

I think the highlight of my 2011 Spring Break was an Easter party that I attended in Rincon, GA yesterday afternoon. The event reminded me that I have way too much Martha in me. Seriously, I could almost hear the Savior whispering, “Martha, Martha,” and that’s what prompted me to go.

My purpose for going to Rincon was to see the changes in my daughter’s house and to help her with de-cluttering, cleaning, or watching after her four children so that she could paint, organize, or do whatever else she needed to do in order to get her home and psyche in order for Seth. He’s the baby who will arrive in July, and for the last few weeks, Carrie has been gearing up for his birth. Her daughters now have their bedroom upstairs, and the boys have been moved to the former girls’ room, thus leaving a bedroom free for baby Seth. Plus, the children have new twin beds and the cool bedding to go with them.

Upon arrival, I found Carrie washing dishes and Rich power washing the outside of the house. Within seconds, I could see that even washing dishes was a challenge because of the constant interruptions and needs of the children. I then learned that we only had a couple of hours because Carrie and the kids had been invited to a birthday party. “Go ahead,” I told her. “I can tackle things here on the home front much easier with an empty house.”

The moment the van left the garage, Susie Homemaker swung into action. I cleaned the children’s bathroom, vacuumed the carpet, mopped the kitchen floor and was in the middle of washing, drying, and folding clothes when the crew arrived home from the party. The children showed me their goodies, and the girls asked me to help them make friendship bracelets. I wanted to, and yet I felt determined to finish the laundry. “In a minute,” I promised.

The children began talking about the Easter party scheduled for that same afternoon, and I told Carrie to go ahead and take them. “I’ll be fine,” I assured her. “I still have another load of laundry to fold.”

“Why don’t you go with us?” Carrie asked.

“Well, you know I have to get back to Camden before dark, and I just don’t know if I can finish what I’ve started AND go to the party.”

No reply from Carrie. Then for the third time, Brooke asked, “Grandmama, will you please help me with my bracelet now?”

Truly and sincerely, I heard, “Martha, Martha,” and within seconds, Brooke and I began working on her bracelet. I looked across the table at my tired daughter who was trying to summon the energy for the party and announced that yes, I thought it might be fun to go to a party.
We all piled in the van and rode to one of the most memorable Easter parties I’ve ever attended. The yard was beautiful with flowers, scrubs, goldfish ponds, an arbor, shade trees, and swings. Colton loved the latter; in fact, he made a beeline for a small swing, and except for the times when he was chasing balloons or devouring cupcakes, we knew where to find him.

I looked around, and my heart felt full. When did Braden grow so tall? And then, my granddaughters’ heads were easy to spot as the sun shone on the braids I had woven in their hair before the party. Brooke came over to where I was sitting on a wall enjoying some lemonade and recited the Pledge of Allegiance for me. Braden showed me where his new tooth was coming in. Emma showed me an angry red spot on the top of her foot where a “mosquito ant” had bitten her. Colton’s balloon popped, and undaunted, he marched right over to a clothesline where several were hanging and let the man in charge know that he wanted another one NOW.

There was a toddler there with pretty red hair. And Kim’s little daughter with her stretchy red headband was adorable. I met someone named Shirley who described some lovely places in Washington, thus increasing my desire to stop there when we go to Alaska next year. I also met a man who teaches at a prison, and I observed my sweet daughter conversing with several friends, thus assuring me that although her mama isn’t close by, she’s still being looked after. I ate a chocolate cupcake from LaNae’s table after decorating it with chocolate icing, and then I ate a Ball Park frank.

I sauntered over to the two goldfish ponds and saw these huge colorful fish swimming around and around and around in the pools. Leaning over one pond was one of the cutest little boys I’ve ever seen, and he was trying to catch one of the fish. He looked up at me long enough to say that he was going to catch one to take home to put in his goldfish bowl because his fish had died.

Sounds of laughter, conversation, and squeals of delighted children were all around me. And lest I forget, there was music, including “Here Comes Peter Cottontail.” The kids went on an egg hunt, and they all came back with full baskets of plastic eggs and treats. All that and more I would have missed if I’d stayed in my Martha mode. Instead, I chose the “better part,” and today I much richer for it.

Roomful of Dorcases

I was a little anxious about teaching this morning. No matter how well prepared I am, I still always feel a bit jittery. By now, I should know better. After all, the people I have to present the various lessons to are ALWAYS receptive to what their teachers have to say. I think everyone feels that we’re all in this (whatever this might mean to you) and that we need to love and support one another. Being in a room with them feels like being surrounded with a group of  Dorcases.


The lesson was on charity, the pure love of Christ, and I had read the lesson itself, two magazine articles, and at least a dozen scriptures. I had even given assignments to eight class members, thus assuring that I’d have some participation. Seriously, even if I had done nothing but read the lesson and the accompanying scriptures, I think the lesson would have gone smoothly. Why? Because I’m fortunate to be part of a group of women who walk the charitable walk and who were willing to share their examples.

None of us are perfect. Some of the examples weren’t exemplary, and yet we learned from those too. For instance, someone shared a situation in which she saw someone who appeared to be in need, but in a hurry (maybe like the priest in the Good Samaritan story?), she drove on by. The next morning she read of a murder that had taken place at the location where she had spotted the person in need. At that moment, she vowed never to let an opportunity to show compassion pass.

She got her chance soon thereafter when she stopped to help someone in a motorized wheelchair. Assuming that he was “stuck” and needed her assistance, she was surprised when he told her that he was simply enjoying being outside listening to the sounds of life, including traffic and birds. Interestingly, the wheelchair-bound gentleman confided that this kind woman was the only person who had taken the time to stop and say hello. How hard it that??? Charity doesn’t have to involve big contributions, tasty casseroles, or hours in a homeless shelter. Taking the time to stop and say hello are charitable too.

There were several other wonderful examples of charity. However, the last one was the absolute best, and I think it demonstrates something we’re all guilty of. Valerie shared a recent scenario in which she and her husband and small child were shopping in Target. She saw a young couple with a baby, and she sensed that they were struggling with deciding what to buy with their limited funds. How could they make the proverbial dollar stretch? Compassionate and caring, Valerie sent up a silent prayer to her Heavenly Father asking that He help this young couple. She walked on by, and after a few seconds, her little girl asked, “Where’s Dad?” They turned around and spotted him. Wallet open, he was giving cash to the couple. A lump in her throat, Valerie thought of how she had prayed, but her husband had acted.

Haven’t we all done that? Haven’t we all asked God to bless the sick and the afflicted, the lame and the lonely? But have we done anything about these people in need? I feel fortunate to be a member of such an organization of “sisters” who love and support each other and anyone else they see in need. They, not I, taught the lesson this morning.

One Man, One Woman

This is going to be one of those posts that brings up more questions than it answers. Maybe you can read it and provide some insight for me.

Relationships are grand, but they also have the potential for stress, misunderstanding, and heartache. The scriptures are replete with examples of parent/child relationships, friendships, and even marriages. However, the more I read and ponder the latter, the more flummoxed I become, especially about divorce, polygamy, and adultery.Have the answers ever been clear cut? What's a woman to think when studying the lives of the women in the Old Testament?

Let’s start with the wives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I don’t know what happened after Sarah died, but I know that when she and Abraham were married, he instructed her to tell two different rulers that she was his sister. While it’s true that she was his half-sister, she was also his wife, and it’s always struck me as odd that, per her husband’s instructions, she twice lived in harems, situations that assured the couple’s safety and added to their wealth. Before I forget, she told Abraham it would be okay to sleep with Hagar so that he could have an heir. As we know, he did. Was Hagar looked on as Wife #2, or was she still just Sarah’s maidservant? Was it okay to commit adultery back in the day?

Eventually, Isaac was born to Abraham and Sarah. When he grew to manhood, he married Rebekah, and from all accounts, she was beautiful, and he loved her very much. They had two sons, Esau who was his father’s favorite and Jacob who was his mother’s. Determined that Jacob receive his father’s blessing, Rebekah and Jacob hatched a scheme to deceive Isaac. The deception worked. Is Rebekah a good role model for what a loving wife should be?

Years pass, and Jacob marries Leah, not because he wants to but because he was tricked into it. His heart belonged to Rachel, Leah’s sister, and he married her too. Seems to me the household would already be full enough, but he also had relations with his wives’ servants, Zilpah and Bilhah. In fact, these women gave birth to four of the heads of the 12 tribes of Israel. So is it okay to have several wives?

I’m not getting into the David and Bathsheba story. I’ve already mentioned them in an earlier post. Instead, I’m going to bring up Abigail, David’s wife whom he met while she was married to Nathan. He didn’t meet her in the same context that he met Bathsheba, however. Abigail’s husband had been rude and dismissive with David’s army, and when Abigail heard the news, she knew she had to do something to save their hides. Unbeknownst to her husband, she took provisions to David and his men. Nathan died soon thereafter, and David sent for Abigail. Is it okay to go behind your husband’s back when you know he’s done something really stupid?

Solomon had 1,000 wives and concubines. What’s up with that? How can people gloss over that little fact when they condemn the Mormons for practicing polygamy in the early days of the church? At least the men who had more than one wife supported and protected them. I recently realized that Hannah's husband had another wife. And Esther? Well, I won't go there tonight either.

All this thinking is giving me a headache. I’ll get back to it later.Right now I'm just wondering where we got our ideas about the ideal marriage.

Living the Dream

I’ve often remarked that the combination of religion and psychology has saved my life on innumerable occasions. Okay, maybe they haven’t saved my life, but they’ve certainly made it more enjoyable and comprehensible. I’ve gained insight, latched on to hope, been courageous, and exercised faith because of something I’ve read in either the Scriptures or in some psychological publication. I’d go as far as to say that religion and psychology overlap in many instances, especially those that indicate how to live a better life.


Here’s an example. Remember the story of the ten virgins? Five of them dutifully filled their lamps with oil, and the other five did not. I don’t know whether they thought they’d do it later and were simply procrastinating or whether they didn’t really think the bridegroom was really coming that night. Or maybe they thought their "sisters" would share a little oil with them. The point is that they weren’t prepared. At one time in my life, I thought of how selfish the prepared five were, but then I realized that you can’t live on another person’s light, oil, hard word, education, or testimony. You have to fill your own lamp.

Lately, I’ve begun looking at this story in another way. God gave them and us certain talents and aptitudes, and I sincerely believe that He intends for us to develop and use them. Interestingly, discovering and developing gifts and propensities falls squarely in the camp of positive psychology, a field that emphasizes positive human values like personal growth, optimism, and well-being.

What is your passion? What activities do you enjoy doing? What skills would you improve on if only you had the time? What would you like to learn more about if time and money were not hindrances? What’s your dream job? Are you willing to do what it takes to make that dream a reality? Those are all questions within the positive psychology realm.

Could discovering potential and developing it to the max be akin to the five wise virgins? What about the other five who failed to fill their lamps with oil? Are they like the thousands and thousands of people who live lives of frustration and unfulfilled promise?

Solomon's Women

I have tremendous respect for the women in the Bible. The more I read and ponder, the more I can see them in me. They weren’t perfect, and neither am I. Just like the women of today, Rachel, Esther, and Hannah all had their challenges and trials, and all showed great faith in the choices they made and the lives they led.


This post, however, isn’t about one of the major players. It’s about “nobodies,” the 1,000 women who were King Solomon’s wives or concubines. As I go about my daily life, I often stop and think about how much freedom I have…how much “everything” I have.

• I can pretty much come and go whenever I want to. Could these women leave the palace grounds, or were their lives restricted to the royal residence?

• I have my own home that I can decorate any way that I choose, even if it means having canary yellow walls and cobalt blue leather furniture. Did these women even have their own rooms?

• I have three wonderful children and six grandchildren. Did these women have children? Were they allowed to raise them, or was it sort of a communal project?

• When the wives and concubines became older, were they “dismissed” and never summoned into the king’s presence? Did Solomon provide a pension of sorts for his older wives?

• I have a career that continues to bring a lot of satisfaction, fulfillment, and even fun into my life. Although teaching gets stressful and taxing at times, the positives far outnumber the negatives. What did these 1,000 women do all day every day??? Could they even read?

I’m thankful that I was born in America, the best nation on Earth, during the latter part of the 19th century after so many courageous women had paved the way for me to have an easier, more fulfilling life. Had I been born even 100 years earlier, I think I might have stomped around angry and frustrated and powerless. Had I been one of Solomon’s chosen women, I think I would have shriveled up and died.

Which is Harder?

Time is short this morning since my to-do list  is rather lengthy. Yes, even on MLK day, there are things to accomplish. True, the items are walking on the beach, reading my Kindle, and joining one of my daughters for lunch, and while those activities aren't exactly the same as "barges to load and bales to lift," they’re of great importance to me. But I digress.

At church yesterday, we were discussing sacrifice, and of course several Bible stories were included as examples. Time prohibits the discussion of all of them, so I’m including three of the primary ones.
First is the story of Abraham’s willingness to kill his beloved son Isaac. Remember, he and Sarah were advanced in years when this child entered their lives. Abraham was 100! You know his heart was hurting all the way to Mount Moriah where he finally tied his son down, ready to do what God had bidden. At the last moment, an angel intervened, and Isaac's life was spared. I’ve often wondered if Sarah knew where her husband and only son were heading when they left the homestead that morning.

Then there was the story of the rich young ruler who wanted to follow Christ. He was apparently a good man who followed the commandments. However, when Christ told him that he’d have to give up everything that he owned, he couldn’t do it. Could you??? I’m not even rich, and I don’t think I could do it. I mean, everything????

And finally there’s the story of the widow’s mite. She literally gave everything she had. What faith! What trust she had to sacrifice everything for the Lord. While I’ve always admired her sacrifice, I must admit that I’ve also felt a bit uneasy with the story, primarily because I don’t think I could do it. I don’t think I could give up everything.

In two of the three stories, the principal characters were willing to sacrifice BIG TIME. In the other, the rich ruler was willing to live a life of integrity but he simply could not give up his material possessions. While we were all pondering Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice Isaac, someone brought up the question of whether it was harder for a rich person to sacrifice everything than for a poor person (like the widow). I voted yes, but several people disagreed. They felt it would be far more difficult for a poor person since she had so little to begin with.

I’m not trying to settle an argument. There are no right and wrong answers. Both stories are in the Bible, and both are given as illustrations of sacrifice and commitment. It’s been my experience that people who have fewer material possession are often more humble. They seek God’s guidance and inspiration in their daily lives and realize that without Him, they’re sunk. At the same time, many wealthy people forget the sources of their many blessings and think they did it all themselves.

Yes, the above are both overgeneralizations. I’m just wondering what you think. Is it harder for a poor person or a rich person to sacrifice all he or she has? And while we’re on the subject, is sacrificing everything what God expects or is He happy with 10 percent?