New Chapter

Life has its share of ups and downs, victories and losses. One day a person can be riding high, and the next she can topple and hit rock bottom. Fame, fortune, prestige, and even family can change suddenly, leaving a person bereaved and broken…at least temporarily. That’s what happened to Naomi. I can visualize her basking in the role as matriarch and then experiencing grief so deep that many would have given up and succumbed to a lifetime of sadness. Not Naomi. Her story is one of hope and triumph.

I know several women named Ruth but only one named Naomi. I’m wondering why that is. Naomi is actually a beautiful name, and the Biblical Naomi was definitely a strong woman and a good role model for all women. For some reason she’s overshadowed by Ruth, her loyal daughter-in-law. Yet without her relationship to Naomi, it’s doubtful that Ruth would have met and married Boaz, hence becoming part of the genealogy of Christ.

As an overview of the story, Naomi’s husband and both sons had been killed, and she was left in with her two daughters-in-law, Naomi and Orpah. Knowing that the two young women probably wanted to return to their homelands now that their husbands were dead, she gave them permission to leave. Orpah left, but Naomi stayed after saying, “Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go.” (Ruth 1:16)

The two women traveled to Bethlehem, and from the scriptures it becomes evident that Naomi feels bitter and empty when she says, “I went out full, and the Lord hath brought me home empty.” (verse 31) At some point Naomi instructed Ruth to glean in the fields of Boaz, a kinsman, thus laying the groundwork for a meeting and perhaps a romantic interest. Naomi’s plan worked. Ruth and Boaz married, and she gave birth to Obed…the grandfather of King David. It’s awesome to consider how Naomi’s life went from empty to full again!

Yesterday I was thinking of a widow with one child and one grandchild, both of whom live in a distant state. Rather than feel sorry for herself because of her husband’s premature death, she has chosen to do whatever it takes to secure employment in the city where her son and his family live. Now that I’m thinking about this topic, I can think of dozens of 1st century Naomis. There are women who’ve been “let go” from positions they’ve held for years, primarily because of age. And then there are those whose husbands have left them for younger models.

If Naomi could speak to these women and others who have lost something or someone important, I think she would say, “Be of good cheer. You just don’t know the good things that wait in store for you. Another chapter of your life is about to begin, and it’s going to be grand.”

Amazing Grace

My sister went to a Bible study last week, and Hagar was the topic. You remember her, right? She was Sarah’s servant, the one Sarah “gave” to Abraham so that he/they could have a son. Once while Hagar was expecting and then later when the child was much older, Sarah told Abraham to get Hagar out of her sight. Was she jealous? Angry? I don’t know. I just know that twice the “bondswoman” was banished to the desert, and twice God called her by name and told her what to do.


To Sarah, she was a servant. Apparently (although I could be misinterpreting this), Abraham felt the same way. To God, however, she had a name and a destiny. He was very much aware of her dire circumstances when He spoke to her and told her what to do to save her own life and that of her child’s. Hagar listened.

“Don’t you get it?” my sister Ann asked. “God knew her by name, just like he knows all of us.”

I’ve been thinking of Hagar off and on all week and of how we all have names and missions. We’re not all aware of our gifts and opportunities, however. Maybe we have too much of a bondswoman’s mentality and don’t realize our divine worth. Or then maybe we just don’t listen when He speaks.

When I saw Oprah’s final show on Wednesday, I couldn’t help but think of how that lady has always listened to His voice. I wish I’d watched Oprah more often. Because of work and general “busyness," I never had the opportunity to sit and watch a single show all the way through until Wednesday. Sure, I’ve seen bits and pieces of Oprah over the years, and I’ve often pored over her magazine. And I loved her performance in The Color Purple. Her star quality shone through in Beloved too. My friend Jeanita and I even talked about going to Chicago and trying to get on her show. It never happened, and now it’s too late.

It’s not too late, however, to learn more about this remarkable woman and the gifts she has given to the world. I’m not just talking about cars and scholarships. I’m talking about wisdom, hope, and encouragement. As a friend of mine commented the other day, “Say what you will about Oprah. She’s done more than any human I’ve ever known to share love and largesse.” Martha’s right, of course. Oprah’s generosity of spirit and pocketbook are unparalleled.

As I watched her on stage Wednesday, beautiful and stylish in her pink dress and heels, I marveled at her strength, determination, and intellect. What is it that sets her apart from the rest of us? In addition to her phenomenal gifts, I think it’s also the hand of God AND her awareness of it. I loved it when she acknowledged His constant presence and guidance in her life. He’s there for all of us, even if we don’t know it...or if we know it but don’t give Him credit.

This morning I went online to read a little more about Oprah, and I saw a video clip of Stedman who surprised her at a gala the other night. He walked on stage and basically said, “It really does amaze me that I get to be around a woman who changes peoples' lives every day and who also takes her own lunch to work. I cannot, honey, believe that a colored girl from the backwoods of Mississippi has done all that you have done ... I love you for making a difference in my life."

Stedman then told her something that they both knew, that she’s done it all through God’s amazing grace. She might have some time in the desert, but Oprah, like Hagar, recognized and listened to God’s promptings. Don’t you think it would work for the rest of us? I’ll never be a star, but I know He knows my name.

Don't Look Back

Most mornings, I like to get up before dawn. That way, I can read and write to my heart’s content while the day is still fresh and uncluttered with the crazy busyness of life. Sometimes I’ll read a magazine or a novel that I’m working on for book club, but most of the time I’ll read something inspirational or informative…or both.


This morning I was leafing through a book entitled Gifts of the Spirit that I discovered at a local thrift boutique, The Red Door. By Philip Zaleski and Paul Kaufman, the book is subtitled Living the Wisdom of the Great Religious Traditions and has an overall theme of the importance of contemplation and stillness in daily life. Here’s one of my favorite sentences from the section I read this morning. “When you wake up tomorrow morning, let this be among your first thoughts: now is the time to begin….with the rest of my life before me, a path of unpredictable length and inconceivable wonder.”

Whether good, bad, or neutral, yesterday’s gone. While past events can continue to influence a person, she doesn’t have to remain trapped in the past with its demons. Nor will it do her any good to look longingly at a door that has closed. Now is the time to begin.

In Relief Society today, our teacher mentioned the story of Lot’s wife, and having heard and/or read about the misfortune that befell her when she looked back, I knew the moral of the story before Lisa told us: Don’t look back. Then one of the younger women gave me something to think about that I’d never considered before. She said she could be looking out of her kitchen window washing dishes and have a thought or memory about her past and some of the poor choices she had made and begin to feel anxious and unhappy. Don’t look back has a different but equally important meaning for her. She went on to say that she could choose to stay mired in guilt and shame or she could turn her thoughts to today. She always chooses the latter.

Is it a coincidence that I read the passage from Gifts of the Spirit just a few hours before again hearing of Lot’s wife decision? Maybe. What I most took from these two events is that no matter how many times you read a story, you can always come away with a fresh meaning, a heightened awareness of what was really going on. I’d always assumed that Lot’s wife was looking back with a bittersweet longing, and perhaps that was the case. The lesson is clear, however. Don’t look back.

Now is the time to begin the next chapter in your life, and you can’t do it if you’re a pillar of salt.

Cynthia's New Direction

Last week my cousin Cynthia told me that she was going back to school to study Christian counseling. Her nest is empty now, and this is something she feels led to do. As my brother Mike and I talked with her about it, I could immediately see that she’s passionate about this new endeavor. “There are so many women out there who are confused, abused, afraid, and depressed, and they don’t know where to turn,” she said (paraphrased).


We then began to talk a little about some of the women in the Bible who seem to reach across centuries to speak to us. Their stories are our stories. They can help us! Cynthia talked about Leah and her constant efforts to get Jacob to love her. “Maybe if I have another son, then….” No matter how many strong young sons she produced, Jacob preferred the beautiful Rachel, Leah’s sister. Not that Rachel had a smooth road either. Longing for a child, she was reminded daily of her barren condition as she saw Leah's sons. At long last, she was rewarded with Joseph and later Benjamin. Unfortunately, complications of childbirth took her life, and she didn’t have the opportunity to raise this child.

I brought up Rilpah and how she mourned for her dead sons. Esther and her courage crossed my mind; so did Vashti, her predecessor, who refused to parade before the king and his drunken friends. Cynthia mentioned Naomi and how she’s often overlooked in favor of her daughter-in-law Ruth. As Cynthia reminded us, Naomi was a woman who had lost her husband and sons and felt that her life was over, and yet….Well, read the story for yourself to learn about the direction her life took after her great losses.

I don’t know how many women there are in the Bible, and I’m disinclined to Google that tidbit of information at the moment. I do know, however, that every single one of them is there for a reason and that there is something to be learned from each story. Whether a woman is feeling angry, jealous, sad, despairing, lonely, unappreciated, afraid, unloved, overlooked, unimportant, or lost, she can find answers in the lives of the women in the scriptures.

I’m curious. Do you have a favorite story about a woman in the Bible? Why? What have you learned from her? How has this story helped you to cope with a situation?

P.S. The young women in the  picture are my beautiful daughters and nieces, and  I hope they always remember where to look for answers.

Waiting and Watching

Mothers spent a lot of time watching and waiting. An instance that comes to mind this afternoon is of an evening when I sat outside in a cold car waiting for my son Paul to come out of the warm church building so that we could go home. Well, the car wasn’t actually cold since I had the heater turned on. It was the outside that was frigid, and the longer I sat there watching him and his friends having a super time inside of the warm, lighted building, the more annoyed I became.

I had things to do! There were unwashed dishes in the sink, clothes to iron, and classes to prepare for! When in the world was he ever going to come out?! Dressed in the sweat pants I’d earlier jogged in, I didn’t feel comfortable going inside to get him, especially since I’d exchanged my Nikes for some fluffy bedroom shoes. I decided to call my mother and whine a little bit. Surely she’d commiserate with my plight. Wrong! A wise woman, she listened to my complaint and simply said, “He’s worth waiting for.” I felt as though I’d been slapped and hugged at the same time! She was absolutely right. He was well worth waiting for, and he was inside of a church building for crying out loud (a phrase she might have added).

Part of what mothers are supposed to do is watch and wait. And yet what I did is minimal when compared to the vigil of a woman I just learned about this week. Her name was Rizpah, and you can read all about her in II Samuel 21:2-14. Although she’s not a major player like some of the other Old Testament mothers, her story is certainly one worth telling.

A concubine of Saul, Rizpah had two sons named Armoni and Mephibosheth. At some point before his death, Saul had ordered the slaying of some Gibeonites, and now these people were demanding retribution. King David was anxious to appease them because he felt it would end a three-year famine. Unfortunately, the Gibeonites didn’t want money; they wanted blood, the blood of seven of Saul’s descendents. Two of these young men were the sons of Rizpah, and the other five were sons of Michal, Saul’s daughter.

David handed these seven over to the Gibeonites to be slain as human sacrifices. After the slaying, their bodies were not buried as was the custom of the day, but were left to the elements. Rizpah knew she had to take a stand not only to protect their bodies from birds and beasts but also to influence David to bury them. Bold and faithful, she basically took sackcloth, spread it on a rock, and sat there keeping watch from the beginning of barley season until nearly six months later, from April to October. Eventually, King David heard of her tenacious loyalty and buried what was left of the seven bodies. Only then did Rizpah leave the rock.

Compare Rizpah’s wait to mine. She sat on a rock and braved the elements in all sorts of weather for SIX MONTHS. What did she eat? Did friends come and visit her and offer social support? Did she bathe, change her clothes, sleep? I waited 20 minutes in the comfort of my car while I watched my very alive son enjoy his friends inside of a warm building. Rizpah’s sons were dead. I called my mother; Rizpah didn’t call anyone. The very thought of her using a cell phone is weird. As far as we know, she was totally alone.

I’m not sure what we’re supposed to get from the story, but I know it’s in the scriptures for a reason. I’m thinking that although it isn’t always easy, mothers have to take a stand. We have to watch and wait and shoo away all the vultures that might attack our children, and we need to do it by night and by day.

Rizpah loved her children with a fierce love, and her behavior showed valor and loyalty. She was a person of no power, a concubine, and yet her actions moved a king to do the right thing and bury the remains of the bodies. Not coincidentally, after the burial, the rains came.

What are some applications of this story to your life today?

Unnamed but Important

Since I’ve become interested in the women of the Bible and the many lessons they can teach us, I’ve realized that these lessons can come from every single woman, not just the major players like Eve, Esther, and Mary.  Even those whose names aren’t specifically mentioned in the scriptures, like the woman at the well or the woman caught in adultery, have a message to impart.

The unnamed woman I’m thinking of today is found in Matthew 15: 22-28, a Gentile who dared to ask Christ to heal her daughter. She cried unto Him and asked Him to have mercy upon her and to heal her daughter who was vexed with a devil. At first, Christ doesn’t answer her, and the disciples ask Him to send her away. Jesus allows her to speak, but His response is a bit surprising (at least to me), for he tells her that it isn’t “meet” to take the children’s bread and cast it to the dogs. Whether he really thinks that she’s on the level of a dog getting crumbs from beneath the table, I don’t know. What I do know is that her behavior exhibits faith, courage, humility, respect, persistence, and love.

Christ comments specifically on the Canaanite woman’s faith. “O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt.” Her other attributes are manifestations of this unwavering faith. If a person has faith, then she will ask and then ask again, boldly confident that her request will be granted. This brave woman is my new role model because of her many traits like:

Courage: Don’t you just know she was wary of approaching the Savior? As a Gentile, she had to be a little apprehensive about it, and yet if she let her fears keep her from making her humble request, her daughter would continue to be “vexed.” I used to (and still do!) tell my children: ALWAYS ASK! If you don’t ask, the answer is NO. Even if you do ask, it might still be no, but it might also be yes.

Humility and Respect: Realizing her humble status and His divine one, she called Him “O Lord, thou Son of David,” and later “Lord.” Do I really need to say more about this? He's the Master of ocean, earth, and sky; you're a human being. He deserves our utmost respect.

Persistence: When Christ told her that it wasn’t meet to take the children’s bread and cast it to the dogs, she didn’t slink away. Instead, she persevered and reminded him that dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table. We need to persist, to stand at the door and knock and knock and knock. Some people give up almost right away when their petitions aren't granted. Whether it's a request to our Creator or one to a boss, friend, child, parent, or any other mortal, we need to keep at it.

Love: Her child was suffering. If she, the mother, didn’t beseech help on her part, who would? I’d venture to say that the well-being and safety of our children comprise a large part of parents’ prayers. Even if they’re estranged from us or walking a crooked path, we are still under obligation to pray for them.

This humble Gentile woman asked in faith, and Christ granted her request. Although he didn’t immediately turn towards her with open arms as He did with so many who sought His favors, He recognized her faith and the other virtues related to it and answered her petition. I think I’m going to follow her example, starting now.

The Better Part

I think the highlight of my 2011 Spring Break was an Easter party that I attended in Rincon, GA yesterday afternoon. The event reminded me that I have way too much Martha in me. Seriously, I could almost hear the Savior whispering, “Martha, Martha,” and that’s what prompted me to go.

My purpose for going to Rincon was to see the changes in my daughter’s house and to help her with de-cluttering, cleaning, or watching after her four children so that she could paint, organize, or do whatever else she needed to do in order to get her home and psyche in order for Seth. He’s the baby who will arrive in July, and for the last few weeks, Carrie has been gearing up for his birth. Her daughters now have their bedroom upstairs, and the boys have been moved to the former girls’ room, thus leaving a bedroom free for baby Seth. Plus, the children have new twin beds and the cool bedding to go with them.

Upon arrival, I found Carrie washing dishes and Rich power washing the outside of the house. Within seconds, I could see that even washing dishes was a challenge because of the constant interruptions and needs of the children. I then learned that we only had a couple of hours because Carrie and the kids had been invited to a birthday party. “Go ahead,” I told her. “I can tackle things here on the home front much easier with an empty house.”

The moment the van left the garage, Susie Homemaker swung into action. I cleaned the children’s bathroom, vacuumed the carpet, mopped the kitchen floor and was in the middle of washing, drying, and folding clothes when the crew arrived home from the party. The children showed me their goodies, and the girls asked me to help them make friendship bracelets. I wanted to, and yet I felt determined to finish the laundry. “In a minute,” I promised.

The children began talking about the Easter party scheduled for that same afternoon, and I told Carrie to go ahead and take them. “I’ll be fine,” I assured her. “I still have another load of laundry to fold.”

“Why don’t you go with us?” Carrie asked.

“Well, you know I have to get back to Camden before dark, and I just don’t know if I can finish what I’ve started AND go to the party.”

No reply from Carrie. Then for the third time, Brooke asked, “Grandmama, will you please help me with my bracelet now?”

Truly and sincerely, I heard, “Martha, Martha,” and within seconds, Brooke and I began working on her bracelet. I looked across the table at my tired daughter who was trying to summon the energy for the party and announced that yes, I thought it might be fun to go to a party.
We all piled in the van and rode to one of the most memorable Easter parties I’ve ever attended. The yard was beautiful with flowers, scrubs, goldfish ponds, an arbor, shade trees, and swings. Colton loved the latter; in fact, he made a beeline for a small swing, and except for the times when he was chasing balloons or devouring cupcakes, we knew where to find him.

I looked around, and my heart felt full. When did Braden grow so tall? And then, my granddaughters’ heads were easy to spot as the sun shone on the braids I had woven in their hair before the party. Brooke came over to where I was sitting on a wall enjoying some lemonade and recited the Pledge of Allegiance for me. Braden showed me where his new tooth was coming in. Emma showed me an angry red spot on the top of her foot where a “mosquito ant” had bitten her. Colton’s balloon popped, and undaunted, he marched right over to a clothesline where several were hanging and let the man in charge know that he wanted another one NOW.

There was a toddler there with pretty red hair. And Kim’s little daughter with her stretchy red headband was adorable. I met someone named Shirley who described some lovely places in Washington, thus increasing my desire to stop there when we go to Alaska next year. I also met a man who teaches at a prison, and I observed my sweet daughter conversing with several friends, thus assuring me that although her mama isn’t close by, she’s still being looked after. I ate a chocolate cupcake from LaNae’s table after decorating it with chocolate icing, and then I ate a Ball Park frank.

I sauntered over to the two goldfish ponds and saw these huge colorful fish swimming around and around and around in the pools. Leaning over one pond was one of the cutest little boys I’ve ever seen, and he was trying to catch one of the fish. He looked up at me long enough to say that he was going to catch one to take home to put in his goldfish bowl because his fish had died.

Sounds of laughter, conversation, and squeals of delighted children were all around me. And lest I forget, there was music, including “Here Comes Peter Cottontail.” The kids went on an egg hunt, and they all came back with full baskets of plastic eggs and treats. All that and more I would have missed if I’d stayed in my Martha mode. Instead, I chose the “better part,” and today I much richer for it.