When You Stand With Me

Last night's introduction/orientation to Celestial University was awesome. I realize that awesome is probably an overworked word these days, but honestly, it fits here. I'm sitting here this morning wondering what to major in and whether I should pursue the terminal degree or stop after the BA. I'm also remembering Sophia's beautiful and seemingly effortless yoga demonstration. Loved the fruit too...and the numerous conversations with the women there, some zany and some serious and some artsy. Rather than create something new about Relief Society this morning, I decided to go to Musings of a Missionary Mom and find a entry that I could copy and paste.

Before pasting the entry, I also want to mention the first couple of lines from a hymn we're learning in our stake: "I may be one, but one becomes two when you stand with me and I stand with you." When put with the melody, those words and the others in the song are absolutely soul stirring. While I think of all of the women in this worldwide organization when hearing this song, I also think of my precious daughters and daughter-in-law. The picture above is of Carrie and Amanda modeling their aprons at Christmas.

Okay, here goes: "I love Relief society. That's no secret to anyone who knows me, church member or not. The first time I attended was one Sunday morning three decades ago when the teacher was teaching a cultural Refinement lesson on Sri Lanka. "Huh? What is this?" I wondered. It seemed too good to be true...just like school but no tests. Plus, I loved the variety of women in the room, old and young, short and tall, rich and poor, single and married. We had one thing in common: we were all daughters of a Heavenly Father who loved us, and among our many roles in life were those to love, support, and encourage one another.

That was many years ago, and the curriculum has changed to more accurately reflect the church's growing and increasingly diverse membership. We don't have Cultural Refinement lessons anymore,and yet we always learn something useful, edifying, or inspirational in our meetings. The topics vary from stress management and keeping an orderly home to the necessity of prayer and the importance of scripture study. I've never come away without learning something that would improve the quality not only of my own life but those of my family, friends, and acquaintances.

As an example, in my develometnalal psychology classes, a frequently occuring topic is discipline. While it's helpful to know that assertive discipline is effective and that a parent should be consistent, fair, and immediate in administering consequences, the advice of Brigham Young that I picked up in a Sunday meething has proven most helpful to me: "Bring up your children in the love and fear of the Lord; study their dispositons and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly, never allowing yourself to correct them in the heat of yor passion; teach them to love you rather than to fear you."'

For those of you who were in attendance last night, you might be interested in knowing that I've already begun working on the theology requirement for the degree. Still haven't decided on my major yet. Is there an academic advisor out there??

Freedom to Choose

I feel okay about the lesson I taught in Relief Society earlier today. No, wait, let me rephrase that. I think the lesson that the sisters and I taught in Relief Society went well today. In our ward, we “never walk alone,” so to speak. Anyone who’s ever taught in Camden knows that she can count on relevant participation from the class. Whether it’s sharing a story, reading a scripture, adding insight, or answering a question, we help each other.

Today the lesson was entitled “Freedom to Choose,” and before I’d gone too far into the lesson, Anita mentioned that while we’re free to choose our behavior, we’re not free to choose the consequence. So true! Hoping that someone would say that, I had actually put a stick in my bag as a visual aid. I held up the stick and said, “You can’t pick up one end of a stick without picking up the other.” You can’t choose a course of action without also picking up a consequence.

Naturally, we want the consequences to be good ones. We want to feel peace, joy, happiness, discernment, and the presence of the Holy Ghost as our companion. How can we do this? It’s simple. We need to learn and obey the commandments. From the lesson manual, God’s “commandments direct us away from danger and towards eternal life. We will gain exaltation, progress eternally, and enjoy perfect happiness.” Is there anyone out there who doesn’t want that??? I think it was Brigham Young who so aptly said, “If you want to enjoy the favor of our Heavenly Father, do His will.”

And how do you know His will? You search, ponder, and pray. You read scriptures, listen to uplifting talks, read inspirational literature, contemplate what you’ve read, and pray. Pray for guidance, for help with your family, for answers to questions, for clarity of thought, and for anything else you need. There’s nothing too small (or too large) to take to God in prayer.

Sometimes people get exasperated and impatient when they don’t immediately receive positive consequences for their choices. They don’t realize that there’s most often a space between the action and the consequence. As President Ezra Taft Benson said, “One of the trials of life is that we do not usually receive immediately the full blessing for righteousness or the full cursing for wickedness. That it will come is certain, but ofttimes there is a waiting period that occurs, as was the case with Job and Joseph.”

This post could go on and on, but I need to wrap it up and go for a walk. In the meantime, thanks to Joann, Cookie, Willette, Anita, Vickie, Martha, Cookie, Joy, Brenda and Sue for your comments and to the rest of the class for their attentiveness. We’re all in this together, and it’s wonderful to be a part of a sisterhood that helps me make good choices.

Parental Law vs. God's Law

I visited church in Myrtle Beach this past Sunday, and after hearing two wonderful talks by youth speakers, I heard a thought provoking and inspiring one by one of the church leaders. His remarks centered around the importance of obeying the commandments IF we want to receive the associated blessings.

Greg spoke of some the similarities and differences between parental love and God’s love, and as I listened, I thought of how children will often wail, “That’s not fair!” when they perceive that they’re being treated unjustly or that a sibling is receiving a privilege that they aren’t. Too, sometimes they want things (privileges, treats, allowance) even if they don’t deserve them. Adults are often the same way. We want raises, promotions, special projects, compliments, and so forth, but often we aren’t willing to pay the price to get them.

Back to the children, sometimes parents give in and give them what they want. Sometimes they just want the children to be quiet and stop whining, and other times they “feel sorry” for the precious little angels. But is that really right? Brother Stalvey gave the example of how an adult child in a cohabitating relationship might complain that his parents don't treat him the same as their married children. They look at eternal laws and feel that what they want to do is more important. Greg wasn’t making any pronouncements about how parents should handle their children; he was, however, pretty adamant about consequences of disobedience to God’s laws.

We as adults can weep and wail and gnash our teeth, but we need to understand that God’s laws are fair, just, and contingent upon following the commandments. We cannot steal, kill, commit adultery, live in cohabitating relationships, or abuse our children and expect God to turn the other cheek. While He loves us just like we love our children, He practices a tough love. But wow, look at the stupendous blessings if we only do what He asks.

Brother Stalvey also mentioned the woman at the well story, one of my favorites. Christ spoke with her despite the fact that she was a woman, a Samaritan one at that. Her gender made no difference to Him. Unless I'm mistaken, she was the first person whom Christ actually informed of His true identify. At the same time, He also let her know that He knew her past (five husbands) and present (living with a man). What I read into this scenario is that even though He loved her, He wasn't going to just "let her off the hook."

It's the same for us. While God loves us unconditionally, it's understood that we can't have several partners (today's term of choice) and expect him not to know and to someday "call us on it." We can't expect "the law" to save us when we have ignored eternal commandments. It's all about choices and consequences. While we're free to choose the former, we're not free to choose the latter.

I surely don't mean for my posts to come across as preachy, pious pontifications (how's that for alliteration?). During Sunday's talk, I had one of those "aha" experiences, and this morning I'm merely trying to convey it to you.

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Not so Perfect

I’m one of the most fortunate people in the world. I have friends from all walks of life who offer support, encouragement, advice, and FUN. I don’t hang around with naysayers, at least not for long. I’m a firm believer that you can’t bring someone into the light by stepping into the darkness with them (an idea I picked up from Stephen Covey). Consequently, I try to surround myself with positive people. Connie is one of them.

The other night we met at Chili’s to share a belated birthday dinner, and we had a great conversation. We touched on children, grandchildren, aging, husbands, fashion, and yes…gospel principles. While she and I both strive to walk the straight path and to be as loving, accepting, and understanding as possible, we realize that we aren’t perfect. We also realize that no one is. Why then, do some people think they are and proceed to find fault with less than perfect people like Jayne and Connie?

We’re all at different places in our spiritual development. Some have no problems with paying tithing but can’t seem to pay a compliment to a spouse or child who might be starving for a kind word. Is it easier to write a check than give attention to loved ones? Some people keep the Sabbath holy and would rather go hungry than buy a loaf of bread on Sunday. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’ve heard some of these folks made snide and snarly remarks to others. Some people would never dream of drinking a glass of sweet tea, but might weigh an extra 50 or 60pounds. I recall hearing someone make disparaging remarks about a woman who often left church early (tsk tsk), but little did they know that she left to prepare and take meals to an elderly couple in her neighborhood.

I hope I don’t appear self-righteous or judgmental. I’m just saying that we’re all on different places in our spiritual development path, and that our job is to encourage, support, and help each other rather than bring them down or thwart their progress. If someone is slipping and sliding in the mud, lend a hand. If she has rocks in her path that keep tripping her up, help her kick them out of the way. If she’s weary and the path seems long and arduous, sit down beside her and rest a moment.

Here’s another Covey phrase: Be a candle, not a critic; be a light, not a judge. Sure am glad I have lots of candles and lights in my life. I can do without the judges and critics. Can’t you?

Sexual Harassment?

Somewhere on this blog, there’s probably already a post about Bathsheba. Remember her? She’s the one whom King David took a liking to and ordered to come to his palace. She, being one of his subjects, did as she was told. According to the scriptures, the king had seen her bathing on the rooftop one night and felt a powerful attraction. Conveniently, her husband was away at war, and for some reason, David had opted not to accompany his men on this venture. Home in Jerusalem, perhaps he was having a bout of insomnia. Who knows?

What we do know is that Bathsheba did as she was bidden. He was the boss, right? As the story goes, they later paid a big price for their indiscretion since Uriah was sent to the battle front to be killed. Then too, David and Bathsheba’s first child died. What I pick up from the scriptures about David’s feelings about the whole situation is that he was filled with remorse and sorrow for what he had done. Not only had he committed adultery with another woman’s wife, but he had also had her husband killed.

There’s also the fact that Bathsheba had little or no choice in the matter. She could have declined his invitation, but at what price? I think she probably considered her alternatives and did as she was told. Maybe she thought pleasing David would help Uriah in his military career.

This afternoon it occurred to me that Bathsheba was caught in a situation not unlike that of women everywhere who experience sexual harassment from those in power. Although we have laws protecting women from unwanted advances and hostile environments, it no doubt continues in many workplaces. Men may rationalize and feel that they’re entitled to certain privileges. They may even protest to those who advise against such behavior and say that there’s “really nothing to it.” “It’s innocent,” they might insist.

As my sweet mama used to say, “If you play with fire, you’re gonna get burned.” Yes, I’m on my soapbox this evening. It is NEVER right to take advantage of a woman over whom you have power. Being a “boss” doesn’t mean you have to right to boss someone around. It means you need to “man up” and be a leader, a person who can influence another for good, not someone who’s going to lead both parties down a twisted path. This is especially true if the man in question is married. In fact, if either party is married, walk away from the fire.

Enough said.

Dig a Little Deeper

Early mornings are my quiet times. They’re almost sacrosanct, and I don’t want to hear television, radio, or even a human voice until I’ve had some quiet moments to read something uplifting and write in my journal. One particular morning, however, I clicked on the television to check the weather…something I never do. While trying to find the weather channel, I discovered a female televangelist talking about something that interested me.

Intrigued by her manner and message, I actually plopped down on the couch to hear what she had to say. Holding something black and somewhat ugly in her hands, she proceeded to turn the substance around to reveal something beautiful inside, lavender glistening rock-like material. She then went on to ponder aloud why God would put something so lovely deep within something so unappealing. To get to the treat within, someone had to dig a little deeper, to chip at the surface until the black exterior disappeared to reveal the treasure within. I flipped the channel in search of weather news, and yet the concept stayed with me.

Diamonds, one of the hardest and most beautiful substances known to man, have to be mined. So do gold and silver. Oil, a precious commodity, is beneath the surface of the earth and must be drilled. Water is beneath the earth. This is also true with people in that you can't judge by appearances. Some fascinating, brilliant, interesting folks live behind less than glamourous facades; you just have to dig a little to discover what gems they are.

What I'm wondering this afternoon is how we can think that an understanding of gospel priniciples is going to come to us if we don't actually read, ponder, and pray. What good is it to have scriptures and other inspirational books and magazines if we never avail ourselves of them? How can we expect to know of God's will for our lives without asking Him and waiting for the answer(s)? Just beneath the surface, there are all sorts of treasures, but I think we need to dig a little deeper to discover them.

Thanks Michelle

As always (yes always), I came home from church feeling edified, inspired, and uplifted. Not only did I get to spend some time with like-minded (like-spirited) people, I also got to sing, listen, and learn. Anyone who could’ve sat through today’s Sacrament meeting and be unmoved has a heart of stone.

I’m looking forward to studying the Old Testament in Sunday school this year. When I was a child, I was captivated by the stories. How did Daniel make it in the lion’s den? Why didn’t Isaac try to get away from his father when Abraham needed a sacrifice? Wasn’t it obvious to him what might happen? How can I get the faith of Hannah? And talk about women—wow, that Esther was awesome! This year we’ll revisit some of these stories, and I know I’ll gain insight into their meaning and application to today’s world.

In Relief Society, Michelle talked about what we could be working towards as a ward this year. Beginning by saying that she’s not that crazy about resolutions, she quoted someone who said if you’re doing something wrong, why wait until January 1st to correct it? Do it now. If there’s something you need to work on, do it now too.

After a few more introductory remarks, Michelle said they (the RS Presidency in our ward) had decided that 2010 was going to be a year of service. “Let’s take the focus off of ourselves and onto others,” she suggested. After listening to several scriptures and numerous stories of service that had occurred right in our ward, I think we all felt more resolved to be a little kinder, to look out for each other, and to offer whatever type of service we could. Some people are into making casseroles while others might find arranging flowers or cleaning houses more to their liking.

How often have you intended to help someone but procrastinated, hoping someone else would take care of it? What if the Lord needs something done and He wants you to do it…but you don’t? What if you’re the person who’s the designated miracle worker, but you’re too busy watching Dancing with the Stars or shopping to make a phone call or write a quick note? Do you get caught up in the “thick of thin things?” I do.

I was pretty good about doing charitable acts during December, but just like many others, I have to work hard to overcome what I’ve heard referred to as the “seasonal belch of philanthropy.” I’m not into resolutions either so I’m not exactly “resolving” to give more service. However, I am going to try to keep that Christmas spirit of love and giving in my heart and actions all year long.

Thanks Michelle. Great lesson.